HAPPY DIWALI

She, a girl of five,
In tattered clothes,
And shattered hopes,
Tugged at her mother’s torn sari nervously.
Diwali; it was their big day..
For begging along Marine Drive.
Rich people who came here
To burst crackers, huge bombs and rockets
That burst and filled the sky
With myriad colours
Were always in good mood
To let the beggars have
A miniscule part of the money
That went up in flames and sounds.
Each bomb, rocket, cracker, flower-pot
Cost several times Montek’s Thirty Two Rupees,
That separated them from becoming rich.
Pic Courtesy: reuters
They had already collected
Seventy three rupees and fifty paise
And three empty whisky bottles
And two un-burst bombs
And two empty boxes of sweets
Empty for the rich but..
With remnants of sweets still sticking on edges
Enough for the girl and mother
To have a Happy Diwali feast.
Tonight was the night when
They could collect enough
For the next few days
Even after paying half to the beat-cop on duty.
In the din of crackers
And daze of sparklers
The little child and mother
Couldn’t help thanking
Lord Ram for having returned to Ayodhaya
Several centuries ago
And given them reason
To rejoice;
And sleep, after days
With stomachs nearly full
“Shubh Deepawali, maa” the child whispered.
“Shubh Deepawali, Lakshmi”, the mother responded,
“Let’s await Christmas, to have more….fun ”.

ART AND SCIENCE OF MOOD-SETTING

This is not an article; it is an advertisement for a new organisation that I am setting up. The organisation is called AIMS (Association of International Mood Setters). There is golden opportunity in it for any man or woman who likes the idea and joins the organisation and has the necessary potential and skills to become a Mood Setter (MS). The idea though is Copyright protectedand hence you are cautioned not to try it out on your own.Let me explain the concept of Mood Setting. Lets say one has an assignment. One plunges into the assignment without one’s mood being set appropriate to the assignment. One can otherwise be very well qualified for the assignment; however, the attitude makes a lot of difference. Attitude has got two components: a fixed component based on years of conditioning that a person goes through and a variable component depending upon the mood that a person is in. The pie chart below shows the share of mood (variable component) in the overall attitude of a person.

Copyright: AIMS

 

The following graph brings out the importance of the variable component, ie, the mood, towards the success of an assignment.

Copyright: AIMS

It can thus be made out that mood plays an important role in success of assignments. And yet, for reasons beyond comprehension, not enough studies have been done to promote Mood Setting. AIMS intends to fill up the gap.

To easily understand the concept, take the case of an assignment of modeling. Lets say a model has to do a shoot for an ad depicting a headache or toothache or a near relative having died so as to bring out the need for an analgesic or right toothpaste or an insurance policy. In 30 seconds of the advertisement the model has to go through emotions ranging from extreme pain or sorrow to sudden joy or relief. You will say that the entire thing depends upon the acting prowess of the model. Right? Wrong. Acting prowess is the fixed skill of an individual (refer to graphs above). If one is not in the right mood, the entire shoot can be a failure.

To explain it further, lets say the model’s boy friend has, that morning, accepted her persistent suggestion that she be taken out for dinner. She is on top of the world with feet hardly touching the ground. At this stage if she was to be asked to do an ad for air ballooning, she would perhaps be in the right mood. However, death of a relative or headache are far away from her buoyant mood. That’s where a qualified Mood Setter comes in handy. He or she has enormous experience at Mood Setting and proceeds, as an example, as per following flow diagram (in this case the depiction is to set the mood from buoyant to pained):

Copyright: AIMS

Lets take another scenario. And here I don’t mind telling you big bucks are there for the asking for the Mood Setter: A politician has to suddenly visit a flood affected area. This would involve looking sad at the plight of hundreds of countrymen who would have lost their houses, near and dear ones, livelihood, livestock etc. The politician would have never remotely come across this situation. So, even if he tries his best acting skills – which most of them do from the time of campaigning for elections onwards – he/she is unlikely to be in the appropriate mood for empathising with the victims of the flood. In today’s age of media ubiquitousness, such politicians are often caught on the camera smiling to the crowds that is seen by the victims as not being in sync with the gloomy mood of the situation. That’s where our Mood Setter comes in. Just ten minutes with the minister, in his plane, whilst on the way to flood-affected area, are sufficient to get the minister into the right mood. He is thus able to avoid the kind of faux pas that George Bush made when he said, “What the f__k is that?” not knowing that the microphone was on; or, of the Indian External Affairs Minister happily reading the wrong speech in the UN.

The business of Mood Setting has unlimited opportunities, at the higher levels, at the middle levels and day to day or routine levels. Let me give an example each of each level. At the higher level: lets say the Maharashtra government is toying with the idea of a new airport near Panvel (indeed they have been planning this for the last 20 years). Various surveys have been done, reports prepared, technical panels have discussed ad infinitum the feasibility, budgetary estimates made etc. So, why are we not going further than putting a board saying: Site for Airport? Once again, it would be a big mistake to think that there are such issues as environmental clearance that are keeping the coconut to be broken over launching the project. The actual reason is that the concerned people and authorities are not in the right frame of mind. In other words: not in the right mood. That is where my organisation can help. Our highly qualified mood setters, at nominal cost, can change the mood, say, within a week.

Take the middle level. Indian Cricket Team won the ODI World Cup and we were the best team in the world for Test Cricket. This means that we had the requisite skills to be the world champs. And yet, the hammering that we got in the recent tour to England made us look like nincompoops; playing cricket for the first time. What went wrong? Analysis done at AIMS shows that they were not in the right mood (they were, for example, in the IPL Mood whereas it requires a different mood altogether to play international cricket abroad). Mood Setting is really a specialised business. Our SMEs (Subject Matter Experts) have proven abilities to change the mood of any cricketing team. Team India could have very well won in England if they had consulted us.

Lastly, here is an example of a routine day-to-day level. You and family, lets say, have to visit another family whose son has topped the university in BA exam whereas your own son has failed miserably. They are celebrating and expect you to share their bubbly and happiness. Our MS will sit with you for precisely 15 mins and you would be in the right mood to visit your friend. What’s more is that since you won’t be moping or sulking, he is likely to stay your friend even after your visit.

Let me give one last example: your boss, for apparently no fault of yours, gave you a dressing down because of a fire or other botch-up in the premises. You feel it was uncalled for. In the evening he calls you home for dinner for the ring ceremony of his only daughter. If you continue being in the morning mood, eventually you can say goodbye to your job. Our trained Mood Setters, after they have finished with you, make it look like to you as if it is your daughter who has the ring ceremony. You don’t have a daughter? Well, don’t mind, you have no idea of the powers of professional mood setting.

Still not convinced to join my organisation? Well, do you know that you have come to the end of this article because I, a qualified Mood Setter, actually willed you to change your mood from murders, scams, arrests, corruption, Anna, Raja, Kalmadi, Amar Singh, Pakistan, Afghanistan etc. And I did it without charging any fees. Think of how your mood would change if you were to hire me or any of my qualified Mood Setters.

Please write your EOI (Expression Of Interest) in my organisation in the Comments below and I shall get back to you.

Mood Setting is the road to success, these days; the next best thing after Facebook and Twitter. Those who want to seek the help of AIMS in solving their inappropriate mood problems, please book on line on the AIMS portal. I shall send you a Mood Setter after we have completed the current assignments of Indian politicians, Bollywood actors, cricketers and jailed leaders.

EMERGING ORGANISATIONS, TRENDS AND ACRONYMS

When I was small, knowing the full forms/expansions of abbreviations and acronyms used to be one of the important things in GK, ie, General Knowledge. Many of us nearly failed when confronted with RSVP, UNESCO, FIFA, IOA, YMCA, WHO and the like.Over a period of time the expansions of some of these acronyms and abbreviations have changed. New meanings have emerged.

Also, over a period of time, a number of more such organisations and their acronyms are emerging. Some of these may appear to be deceptively similar to the existing ones but look again and you will see why these are different and urgently required.

  • TSJLT        –  Traffic School for Jumping Lanes Tactics.
  • IDYTO       –   Institute for Doing Your Thing in the Open.
  • YMTA        –   Young Men Terror Association.
  • YWTA        –   Young Women Terror Association.
  • CII              –   Centre for Idling with Impunity.
  • MP             –   Moneyed Person.
  • MLA          –   My Livelihood Assured.
  • NETA         –   Never Easy To Arrest.
  • IACS          –   Indian Association of Compulsive Spitters.
  • HHU          –   Horny Honkers Union.
  • PTBE         –   Passing The Buck Experts.
  • BCCI         –   Bored Cricket Cribbers of India.
  • AIPRV       –   Association for Identification of Potential Rape Victims (New Delhi Based)
  • SFTPE       –   School for Foreign Travel at Public Expense.
  • ORBS        –   Organisation for Receiving Bribes Safely.
  • ADARSH  –   Army Doesn’t Avert Re-appropriating Surplus Housing.
  • CMNPG    –   Centre for Making Noise to Please Gods.
  • SSSMS      –   Strikes Strikes Strikes and More Strikes.
  • EWT          –   Encroachment Without Tears.
  • USWETs    –   Useful Stripping With Eyes Techniques.
  • EJF            –   Elite Jail Friends.
  • ECM          –   Elite Cell Mates.
  • MICA        –   Member of Indian Cribbers Association.
  • POOR        –   People sans Office Or Residence.
  • PM            –    Paralysed Man. (If totally paralysed and requiring a chair then: Chairman).

These are typically Indian acronyms. However, should you want to adapt some of these to your own national conditions you have the author’s permission to do so.

INDIA – TOO MANY PEOPLE

Of course India is a young nation with average age of Indians being just 29 years. Paeans have been written and sung about how the young work-force is an asset for the nation. However, anywhere you go, you can’t get over the fact that there are too many of us.The other day an English friend of mine who is working in Dubai remarked about the driving habits of Indians there. He said whilst driving they come so close to one another in a lane that it is stifling. I explained to him that this habit comes from the fear that if they leave sufficient space between the vehicles, another car would come and fill the gap and they would lose the position. This frequently happens in Mumbai traffic. Vehicles jockey for every inch of space. You can frequently find yourself dangerously placed with huge trucks and buses all around you. Let alone driving space, there is scarce breathing space.

It is the same with forming queues of people. In an intense anxiety not to lose our position we, Indians, don’t leave any gaps between people. We touch, shove, kick, push, pull. Lets say someone has to cross the queue; no one is willing to move back to let the person cross, fearful that if one does one would find oneself pushed behind at best or out at worst.

A usually ‘quiet’ street scene in India (Pic courtesy: My Blog Maze)

There is no privacy anywhere even momentarily. If ever you go on the beach or picnic in the woods, try finding an isolated place. By the time you finish spreading the mat and open your hamper there are people all around you with their kids kicking the football or the sand right into your face.

There is a 1950 song sung by Talat Mahmood with lyrics by Majrooh Sultanpuri: “Ai dil mujhe aisi jagah le chal jahan koi na ho” (O’ heart, take me to such a place where there is no one). Well, it might have been possible in India of 1950. It is not possible now six decades later. Indians, the rich ones at least, are buying islands abroad to escape the ubiquitous flow of humanity that we have here.

Jobs are scarce; parking space is well nigh impossible; getting a berth in a train is an ordeal; driving is a nightmare; we make more filth and noise than any country in the world. It makes you think whether in some way or the other having a large population is of some use to us. I have put on my thinking cap and come up with the following advantages:

  • We cannot be ignored. We are one sixth of humanity. Soon we shall move up. A time will come when we shall be one fourth, one third, and finally half the humanity.
  • Foreign firms are keen to introduce their products in India assured of large patronage.
  • Our points of view matter for the sheer force of numbers behind these; eg, we now dictate terms to ICC.
  • In case there is a tug of war between populations of nations we will certainly win.
  • Rent-a-crowd for political rallies is never a problem. This keeps the morale of the politicians high.
  • We are able to send large contingents to UN, foreign visits, olympics etc. These win us large amounts of respect especially when and if we win a medal.
  • Potentially we have large work force to repair and build roads, become teachers in our schools, join armed forces to defend the nation and devote their lives to infrastructural projects. It may not be happening now, but, perhaps a time will come when people would actually take such initiatives.
  • In case of any adverse fallouts of global economy we are protected as most of our products and services are meant for domestic consumption.
  • Someone someday is bound to generate energy from the litter, noise, defecation, spitting and urinating that we adorn our public places with.
  • Nothing that we make is ever a failure since we are assured of people buying it, seeing it, visiting it or hiring it. This gives impetus to any enterpreneur initiative.
  • Gods are happy with so many people worshipping them. Hence, not just Kerala,we can call the whole nation as Gods Own Country.
  • No one in our country need to ever feel lonely.
  • The census guys are always kept busy; no sooner have they finished counting us when we add another few crores to the number. India discovered Zero because we were soon to add many of these zeroes to our population.
  • Our movies and music are instantly more popular than any other movies and music in the world.

Well, as a first list, I think it would suffice. I have asked my hundred cousins, fifty brothers and sisters and a thousand larger family members to help me prepare the second list. Perhaps, even the readers can help.

VOYEURISM OF AN OPEN LETTER VERSUS SANE THOUGHTS

An open letter, the kind that a certain lady from the South wrote to a Delhi Boy recently, is like streaking in public. It is intended to provide voyeuristic pleasure to a number of people: media, who start salivating at the first promise of increase in TRPs through a flaming controversy; readers, who look forward to someone streaking in public since India is a semi prude society where porn and sleaze are not freely available; finally, commentators who like to share some of the popularity that the streaker suddenly obtains.
Through an open letter you not only seek fame, as a streaker would, you hope to get people to support your cause of putting the target of your letter in his place. “Idiot Delhi Boy ji; see you are reduced to a minority in your own territory. Most people are lapping up the absorbing stuff that I am dishing out.”An open letter is also an invitation to others to participate in the orgy. However, should you land up in a position whence people call you what you are – a racist – you cringe.

To many of us including me the Open Letter was a rude shock. The first reaction was that its openness was only in the modus operandi of exposing; else, it was the product of a closed mind. The rude shock was because of our fervent hope that the scourge of parochialism in India would be set right by the younger generation. Indeed, in a flight from Rajamundry to Mumbai last year, when I had argued with a fellow passenger that rampant communalism was sure to divide a divided India further, he said that fortunately the younger generation was rising above it and didn’t seem to care for caste, creed, and the region of their birth. Alas. I only hope that he was right and that the Madrasanis an exception.I am also amused at the way Madrasan has been slighted by having been called that; something similar to a man from Pakistan taking slight to being called a Paki. I doubt if a Punjaban would feel offended being called so.

Chances are that all of us who feel that my God or my region is better than others, do believe in oneness of God and that He (or She) made us all in His/Her likeness. I am sure even those who gave their state the moniker of ‘God’s Own Country’ don’t necessarily believe that the others were made by or have Devil residing therein.All of us privately believe that every man or woman on earth is a variation of the same essence that makes us. However, so intense is the desire to score brownie points over fellow humans that we are prepared to set this fundamental ‘Truth’ aside for the times when denigrating another human being becomes expedient. Could the Delhi boy that the Madrasan seems to calumniate so passionately be made by another God; perhaps not the God who made His/Her Own Country one of the smallest in India?

Our Religion is a serious thing as compared to the derision that we so light-heartedly subject all those who feel differently. Our great temptation to succumb to jeering (both unprovoked and provoked) is similar to what Kauravas did to Pandavas and before that Draupadi did to Duryodhan. How many more times we want Draupadi to be disrobed in public because of such continued attempts at mockery? Do we want a war to sort this out; another Mahabharat because a lady from the South has been called a Madrasan? I doubt it. We want the ridicule to serve our immediate purpose (of earning popularity) and then retreat into believing in oneness of God and every human being made in His/Her likeness.

What does the Religion say about how to respond to Evil or Bias or any other negative feeling? Simple: hate the Evil and not the Evil Doer. If the Delhi Boy has hurt your sensitivities, the best approach is not to do exactly what you accuse him of doing. For then, how do we decide which one of you is worthy of our empathy? When opportunity arose, both of you acted exactly in the like manner; he in his pompous style and you in your supercilious writing. Would you have written such a vitriolic and distasteful article if you had discovered, just prior to spitting venom, that he is related to you in some way, perhaps his grandparents were/are half Tamil/Malyalis?

Some of the finest Indian literature has come from Punjab, just as it has come from the South; some of the bravest Indian soldiers are/were Punjabis, just as some of the best Generals have been from the South. A Punjabi feels totally at home taking his friends out for Dosa and Coffee just as a Tamilian responds to the Punjabi hip-hop.

I did not know about India’s first freedom fighter Kattabomman until I commanded an establishment by that name near Tirunelveli. Similarly, people from the South probably have no idea of the sacrifices of, say, Guru Teg Bahadur. Is there a competition? Is there a race? Shouldn’t we be happy that both were Indian. Let me use your characteristic style Madrasan to make this point, “Do you know India? Indians? For your information, it is country where Delhi boy and you and others live and prosper whilst each one of you is hell bent in proving that India is only you and the Delhi boy with all your malevolence.” Hurts? Well, your characteristic style will always hurt.

By the way, I am a Punjabi married to a Tamilian. Both of us are convinced that your angry rejoinder to actual and perceived racism of Delhi boy and his family is no less racist. I maintain that all racism is bad; both original and rejoinder. My regards for the good in South India is not conditional on your finding something good about me. Similarly, I don’t hate you simply because someone from your part of the world has taken it upon herself to set right people from my community. My community is your community.

Here is what I read about Raag Shahana:

“However, a word of caution; this raga requires many years of experience at both performing and listening to other artists to master. Though singing the raga may seem simple, perfectly rendering the many subtle, delicate phrases and gamakas calls for a more practiced hand.”

I think it is same with knowing people from other regions and communities. Perhaps, Dear Madrasan, you should also read Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’. Most people, as Lee wrote, are really nice when you finally seethem.One last thing: do you think the Delhi boy is now suitably sobered to regard you as the last word in intellectualism; that your writing has changed his life forever; that he has finally seen light through your article? No? Well, I leave you to think then as to what the article has achieved.

Perhaps it has ignited controversy. Is that a big achievement in a country where we have never solved anything through controversy? Remember Ayodhya? Ram Janambhoomi?

In the end, Dear Madrasan, here is something from Kabir that you may like:

Avval Allah Noor Upaya Qudrat Keh Sub Banday (God Created Light Of Which All The Beings Were Born)
Aik Noor Keh Sub Jag Upajiya Kaun Bhale Ko Mandhe (From The Same Light, The Universe Was Born. So Who Is Good And Who Is Bad?)

ANYTHING BUT JOINTMANSHIP

On promotion to the rank of Captain in the Indian Navy, I was selected  to undergo the Army Higher Command Course at Mhow in Madhya Pradesh (the three services Higher Command courses have a token representation from the other two services). Just before I left Mumbai to go to the College of Combat (now Army War College), friends gathered around me, with drinks in their hands, re-enacting ‘The Last Supper’. The conversation veered around to the Army men and their peculiar habits. It was unknown territory. “Basically they are very nice people” said one in the manner of a good Samaritan consoling a cancer patient, “and you have nothing to worry”. A civilian friend wanted to confirm (“just to settle a bet”) if the Army men did “everything” with their boots on.It didn’t take me much time to report back that I had met some of the nicest people who were as normal and professional (if not more) as we in the Navy pretended to be. However, I also mused about how we had feelings towards officers from the other services ranging from harmless jokes and teasing to complete distrust.

A Navy officer refers to an army man as Pongo (mountain mule) and the army man is convinced the navy man is not just at sea in ships and submarines but also at knowledge and professionalism.

Everyone in the Indian armed forces now believes that the future battles are never going to be single service ones but joint. Everyone believes, in public that jointmanship is the order of the day. However, privately an army man would like the word itself changed to jointmantank; same with the fliers, they would rather that it be called jointmanplane. Both would question the wisdom of calling it jointmanship; which is reminiscent of the feminists insisting on calling a lady heading an organisation as chairwoman.

The cradle of joint training for officers in the armed forces is the National Defence Academy. Gentlemen Cadets undergo joint training there for two years (four semesters or terms) and there is further one year training of their respective subjects in the last one year (two semesters). One would think that joint training, whence they have to undergo physical and mental hardships together, would galvanise them into life lasting bonds. Yes, it does; however, surprisingly it is only at a personal level. Course mates are held in a special place in one’s heart but only as long as it is for partying, golfing, visiting each other’s places, and writing reminiscences in coffee-table books. However, there must be something about service specific training or indoctrination that even course mates draw a line and literally stop the advances of the other service into territories held as the exclusive preserve of their own services.

Lets look at the situation at the top level and at the ground level. At the top level there is considerable distrust; one feels threatened that the service to which one belongs and owes everything would lose its very identity if allowed to be “devoured” by the other. The champion in this belief is undoubtedly the top hierarchy of the Indian Air Force, both retired and serving. It is convinced that the other two services “encroachment” into what is the forte’ of the Air Force should not be allowed to go too far. Why should it be considered by the Army and the Navy that the raison d’ etre’ of the IAF is to provide support, they reason. An air force pilot normally fights alone. This psyche drives the conditioning of the mind of the senior or top hierarchy of the IAF that the future battles can be fought by it alone. Bravado? Well, in a way, a fighter pilot has to have this bravado since he is expected to go the harms way quicker than the counterparts from the other two services. However, he shouldn’t consider himself perpetually in a state of conflict, especially with his counterparts from the other two services.

The IAF fought tooth and nail trying to convince the MoD (Ministry of Defence) that as long as the IAF has the long range fighters and air-to-air refuellers, the Navy does not require “the expensive option of aircraft carrier(s).” Simple calculations of endurance of Combat Air Patrol (CAP) for the Air Defence of ships at sea, at even moderate ranges from the coast, bringing home the point that the IAF will never have the capability to provide the kind of support the carrier provides, did not convince the IAF top bosses. Precedents that there are no leading navies in the world wherein air defence at sea is provided by their air forces did not wash with them. Finally, joint exercises were and are held; and yet, the IAF is convinced that a carrier at sea is a wastage; a luxury that the nation shouldn’t afford when it has the IAF to support the Navy.

In sharp contrast, the Army has been crying from house-tops that they do require the Combat Air Support (CAS) particularly in a Cold Start scenario; but, since the Cold Start doctrine is primarily the Army’s brainchild, the IAF is convinced that in the first 3 to 5 days of the war, its assets would be so intensely engaged in Counter Air Operations (CAO) that it would be well nigh impossible to spare anything for the Army. Cold Start remains cold and no start.

I heard a talk by a senior IAF officer regarding ‘Dealing with Emerging Threat Scenarios’. The talk was to last for one hour. After going through the usual scenarios involving countries from the US to the Mediterranean, the officer embarked on our GDP growth and the need to secure Energy sources. He added that the threats to our SLOCS (Sea Lanes of Communications) are increasing everyday and that maritime terrorism is something that we need to have an answer against. Up to here he took about 45 minutes of his allotted time. In the next 15 minutes he concluded, as if he had naturally led us to it, that the answer, therefore, was the Indian Air Force who should be entrusted with the exclusive responsibility of ensuring security of SLOCS.

Ministers and bureaucrats have been the direct beneficiaries of the turf wars in the higher echelons of the armed forces. The friction between the services is made use of by them to perpetuate their power over the military. At the present juncture the relationship between the services and the MoD is at its worst. This has resulted in the three service chiefs even complaining to the PM.

I have only given the examples of the obduracy of the IAF, but, the other two services have also been equally myopic in their approach towards jointmanship. Take the case of the Chief of the Defence Staff. Post Kargil War and the obvious failure of intelligence that led to it, the Government of India constituted a Kargil Review Committee and later on 17 Apr 2000, a GOM (Group of Ministers). Amongst the various recommendations for restructuring national security apparatus, and synergy between civil and military hierarchies, was the recommendation to have a Chief of Defence Staff of the three services. CDS was supposed to be the “single point military advice to the GoI and to manage the nuclear arsenal”. The Army’s specious argument against the CDS was that as long as the “senior service”, that is, the Indian Army had one of its own officers as the CDS, it was fine; but, should an officer from the Navy or the Air Force become the CDS, how would he coordinate the response of such large Army when he won’t know anything about the terrain and the functioning of the Army.

Air Chief Marshal PV Naik, when he took over as Chairman of the Chiefs of Staff Committee deflected the CDS issue by pointing out that there were several models of CDS operating in different countries and said, “We don’t know which model suits us the best. Once we decide that, I am sure the CDS will come in.” Ah, does he want us to believe that a decade after the GOM report we still haven’t studied the “several models of CDS”?

Another issue on which the decision making was stalled was the powers given to the CDS. At present the services chiefs are both chiefs of staff of their respective services as well as operational commanders of the services. They don’t mind losing staff functions to the CDS. But don’t want to commit “sure harakiri” by passing operational command of their services to a rank outsider.

So, in the absence of the CDS we have a COSC (Chief of Staff Committee) and the senior most of the services chief as its chairman. Synergy between the three services is maintained here by discussing matters of little consequence.

Pending the institution of the CDS and in order to pave way for it, a decision was taken in 2001 to set up Integrated Defence Staff (IDS) headed by Chief of Integrated Staff to Chairman COSC (CISC), in rotation between the three services. Even though the services initially regarded IDS as parking slots for their mid and senior level officers, the IDS finally ended up doing a fair deal of good work in producing, for example, Joint Doctrine, Force Level Doctrine and Prioritisation, carrying out Net Assessments, and conceptualising policy and plans for joint training and procurements. However, the approach of the three services is tasking IDS in only those things that would not directly interfere with the individual service’s policy and plans.


Lets briefly look at the concept of Joint Theatre Commands. In Port Blair, in Sep 2001, post recommendations of GOM, a joint command called Andaman and Nicobar Command (ANC) came up and replaced the Fortress Commander Andaman and Nicobar islands (FORTAN), a purely Navy Commander. The plan to have a FENC (Far Eastern Naval Command), mooted in 1995, was therefore shelved. It was understood that the ANC would be a precursor to having other joint theatre commands. However, except in seminars and panel discussions, the idea of other joint commands is not even conceptualised, let alone implemented. The Navy is therefore feeling short-changed and seriously considering recommending to GoI to do away with joint ANC and reverting to the earlier system of FORTAN or newer one of FENC.

At the field level, young officers genuinely enjoy cross service experiences both in training and in exercises. Navy Direction Officers (those who direct aircraft), for example, on deputation to the IAF to learn about Direction duties from their IAF counterparts speak high of the value and level of training as well as the “professionalism” of their Air Force counterparts. Similarly, when the Navy conducts the Amphibious training and exercises the young Army officers are only too keen to find answers to joint problems. And yet, as soon as these officers become senior enough to take decisions for their respective services, they become obsessive about preserving exclusivity of their service.

Privately, middle level officers talk about achieving jointmanship and the installation of CDS only if the government were to “impose” these on the services.

Until then ‘Divided We Stand and United We Fall‘ has been honed as a fine art.

SKID TALK THAT YOU OFTEN COME ACROSS

What is a skid-talk? It is similar to crazy-talk except that probably you don’t mean it to come out the way it does. It inadvertently comes out that way. However, after you’ve said it, either you or others around you realise how crazy or obvious or inane it sounds. Sample this: “They live at the beach; the water comes right up to the shore.” Also, “Two can live as cheaply as one except they have to pay twice as much.”Most of us have come across, in our childhood, our moms telling us not to climb trees. The conversation goes something like this:

Mom: You ain’t going to climb that tree. I forbid you to do so.
Child: Come on  mom; everyone else is climbing.
Mom (shouting now): No; you are not climbing.
Child: Mom, please….(and he starts climbing)
Mom (Resignedly): Alright you do that. But when you break your legs don’t come running to me.

The other day I read this in Mumbai Mirror: Police discovered a body hacked in twenty pieces. They are investigating if this is a case of suicide.

Here is something that I heard, “My uncle had a fatal accident. He was in a bad shape when we visited him in the hospital.”

Then there was this Subedar Major who addressed his men, “Now I require some of you guys to volunteer for the task. Both of you three follow me up to CO’s office.”

What about this PR man telling us, “Tickets are available for everyone on first cum first served basis”?

In skid-talk, I think, the best that I have heard is: “All generalisations are always incorrect.”

Don’t see anything wrong in that? Well, I leave it to you to figure out.

Here is one that I heard, “As he got out of the house, he locked the door from inside and outside. You have to be careful these days.”

Here is another one that I heard, “Those of you who are still here after I am gone can hear me sing and I promise you a great song.”

I was really floored by this, “Because of the clouds the sun has been coming out at odd hours these last few days. However, rarely one can see it coming out at night.”

Alright, what about this one, “I couldn’t imagine him stooping so low as to take out money from my top most drawer above the dressing table.”

Or, “It is incredible that you can’t believe this incident happened with me when I was walking alone with two of my friends.”

Here is another one, “The three of them were waylaid by the dacoits. One died on the spot; the other two ran to the hell out of the forest.”

If you know any skid talk that you have heard why don’t you share it in the comments below?

HINDI SONGS AND THE IMPORTANCE OF CHAND (MOON)

I am very fond of Hindi songs, especially old Hindi songs. Most of the lyricists of the era when I was small and later young wrote in Urdu. I have brought out elsewhere in this blog that Urdu – A Language of the Heart is best suited to give expression to the emotions of people in love. Indeed, I have often concluded that  poets and lyricists of yore must have been in love themselves to bring out such deep and meaningful thoughts in their poems and songs. For example, Kaifi Azmi’s “Dil ki naazuk ragein toot ti hain, yaad itna bhi koi na aaye” (why should I miss someone to that extent that heart’s tender threads should break down?) or Neeraj’s “Saara aalam hai giriftaar tere husn mein jab, mujhse hi kaise yeh barsaat sahi jayegi; aaj to tere bina neend nahin aayegi” (Complete ambience is as if captivated by your beauty; then how can it be expected that I should go through the rains without being with you? Tonight, I won’t be able to sleep without you)

One of the obsessions of the Hindi lyricist, or rather Urdu lyricist has been Chand (Moon). Some of the finest songs have been written on it.

Having Chand in the lyrics has had various purposes; the commonest one being to describe the beauty of the beloved. It is difficult to pick the best in this category. However, I think my maximum votes would go to the 1960 song Chaudhvin Ka Chand (14th day moon or full moon). Shakeel Badayuni has carved out the words to perfection. I can’t imagine a woman listening to it and not being in a trance (as Waheeda Rehman was when Guru Dutt sang this for her in the movie by the same name). Ravi provided such excellent accompanying music that one cannot imagine the song without it. Finally, Hindi movies best singer ever, Mohammad Rafi sang it in such a way that the words seem to come alive. Sample just one of its three stanzas:

Chehra hai jaise jheel mein hanstaa hua kanval,
Ya zindagi ke saaz pe chhedi hui ghazal,
Jaane bahar tum kisi shayar ka khvaab ho.
Chaudhvin ka chand ho, ya aftaab ho,
Jo bhi ho tum khuda ki kasam lajwaab ho.
(Your face is like a lotus smiling in the lake,
Or you are a melody played on the instrument of life,
The Spring that you are, you are a poet’s dream come true.
Are you are a full moon, or a fairy,
Whatever you are, God knows, you are incredible.

Anand Bakshi penned some exquisite lines describing the beauty of a woman in his 1963 song, “Chand aahein bharega, phool dil thaam lenge, husn ki baat chali to sab tera naam lenge.” (Moon will mope, flowers will feel defeated; when they talk about beauty, all will only think of you). The song was sung by the most versatile singer of that era Mukesh. Another song of the same combine of singer-lyricist was the 1965 number: “Chand si mehbooba ho meri kab aisa maine socha tha; haan tum bilkul vaisi ho jaisa maine soch tha” (I used to wish that I’d have a beloved like the moon; yes, you are exactly like how I had wished)

Here is a variation from the great lyricist Hasrat Jaipuri for the 1967 movie Diwana (Crazy): “Ai sanam jisne tujhe chand si surat di hai; usi malik ne mujhe di to mohabbat di hai” (O’ my darling the one who has given you a moon-like countenance; the same almighty has given me something called Love):

Then, there is nothing like Chand as a witness of the lovers; a friend who can be asked by the lovers to do anything they want in love. There are many songs on this theme. The best is difficult to choose from amongst so many really good numbers. However, I would repeatedly listen to 1960 number sung by Lata Mangeshkar  and Mukesh for the movie Banjaarin (Bedouin). The lyricist was Pandit Madhur and music was provided by Pardesi: “Chanda re meri patiyaa le jaa saajan ko pahuncha de re; vo likh sakein jawab unhe tu mera pata bata de re” (Moon, my pal, take my epistle and deliver it to my Love; so that he should be able to write back, please tell him my address):

Talking about Chand as a friend or pal, how can anyone forget Raj Kapoor’s Aawaara (Vagabond) with this lovable number sung by Lata and Mukesh: “Dum bhar jo udhar moonh phere O’chandaaa, main unse pyaar kar loongi, baatein hazaar kar loongi” (Moon, my friend, if only you would turn your face away for a minute, I’ll love my love and talk to him a thousand things):
Raj Kapoor and Nargis in 1951 movie Aawara
Chand being directed to do things for the lovers also finds expression in this sad song from 1963 movie Dil Ek Mandir (Heart is a Temple (of love)). The combine is a very successful one of Shailendra Singh (lyricist) and Shankar, Jaikishan): “Ruk jaa raat thehar jaa re chanda beete na milan ki bela. Aaj chandni ki nagari mein armaano ka mela.” (Stand still Night, stop there Moon, let the tryst (of lovers) not pass. Tonight in the moonlit town is let loose the carnival of desires):

How about Chand building an atmosphere or trance or enchantment? Once again, there are many on this theme. Here, I don’t have to be confused about choosing the best. My favourite singer Hemant Kumar sang this for the 1952 movie Jaal (Net): “Yeh raat yeh chandni phir kahan, sun ja dil ki daastan” (This night, this moonlight will not come again; tonight listen to my heart’s tale):

Dev Anand in Jaal singing the best song ever on Moon

Talking about Hemant Kumar, there was no one like him to convey an entire ambience through his singing; he easily transported you to the world being talked about in his songs. His “Yaad aa gayin vo nasheeli nigahein” (Memories of those intoxicating eyes haunt me) remains an all time favourite with me. However, I shall talk about it when I write a post on my best Hindi songs on eyes (aankhein).

Getting back to being entranced by the Moon, here is another favourite: “Dil ki nazar se, nazron ki dil se; yeh baat kya hai, yeh raaz kya hai koi humein bata de.” You are bound to ask, where does Chand get into it? Well, here is a stanza: “Hum kho chale, chand hai ya koi jaadugar hai; ya madbhari yeh tumahaari nazar ka asar hai?” (We are being entranced, is it just Moon or a Magician; or is this the hypnotic effect of your eyes?):

https://youtu.be/t8vDu-C7u1Q

How about a combination of wet night with Chand as in: “Yeh raat bheegi bheegi, yeh mast nazaare; uthaa dheere dheere vo chaand pyaara pyaara“. The song is by Lata and Manna De for the 1956 movie ‘Chori Chori‘ with lyrics by Hasrat Jaipuri and music by the pair of Shankar, Jai Kishan. The song is one of the memorable duets between Raj Kapoor and Nargis:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1DZxkiMjRo

How about Chand being a witness to first expression of love as in “Dekho vo chand chhup ke karta hai kya ishaare; shayad vo keh raha hai, hum ho gaye tumhaar” (Look, the Moon, is beckoning us from its hiding place. Perhaps, it is saying I am yours now). The music director is Hemant, the singers are Lata and Hemant and lyrics are by SH Bihari for the 1954 movie Shart (The Bet):

One lovely Chand number was enacted by Meena Kumari and Sunil Dutt in 1962 movie ‘Main Chup Rahungi’ (I Will Keep Mum); Rajinder Krishan penned the lyrics and music was composed by Chitragupt. Mohammad Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar sang it very well indeed: “Chand jaane kahan kho gaya? Tumko chehre se parda hatana na tha.“(Where has Chand gone suddenly? You shouldn’t have lifted your veil):

Here is one from 1959 movie Anaadi (Novice) enacted by Raj Kapoor and Nutan and sung by Lata and Mukesh: “Vo chand khila, vo taare hanse, yeh raat gazab ki aayi hai. Samajhne vaale samjh gayen hain, na smajhe vo anaadi hain.” (There Moon has risen and stars are out, this night is really wonderful. Those who know can get the hint (to love) and the others? Well, they are just novices.):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvtU5FYxK-c

How about a proclamation of Love in terms of the age of celestial bodies like moon and stars? Easily the best number in this is, “Na ye chand hoga na taare rahenge, magar hum hamesha tumhaare rahenge.” (The Moon will cease to exist, the stars will fade away; but, I shall always be yours). The movie, once again, is 1954 movie Shart (The Bet) and the singers are Hemant Kumar and Geeta Dutt:
Chand, in Hindi songs, is not always supposed to bring good tidings; it is also a silent spectator when the lovers are pining. Time weighs heavily on the lovers when they are separated and they often measure the Time in phases of moon. For example, this one is an all time favourite with me from the 1957 movie ‘Paying Guest’ starring Nutan and Dev Anand; Majrooh Sultanpuri was the lyricist and music was composed by SD Burman:
Here is a 1977 number for the movie Alaap by Yesudas: “Chand akela jaaye sakhi ri, man mora ghabraye ri” (O’ friend, Moon goes alone and my heart is fearful); though it is mock pining:

A moonlit light is of no use unless your Love is with you. Even though the word ‘Chand’ or ‘Chandni’ does not occur in it, it is all about “Suhaani raat dhal chuki, na jaane tum kab aayoge?” (Moonlit night is long past its prime, I don’t know when you’ll come?) Moon is a part of the suhaani raat. This song has the Hindi movies’ best ever combination of Mohammad Rafi (singer), Shakeel Badayuni (lyricist) and Naushad (Music director):

To end let me talk about Meena Kumari’s immortal poem “Chaand tanhaa hai, aasmaan tanahaa“; the music is by Khaiyyam:

“Chaand tanahaa hai, aasmaan tanahaa
Dil milaa hai kahaan kahaan tanahaa”

(The moon is lonely, the sky is lonely
My heart that I have is lonely everywhere)

Hindi songs fascination with Chand (Moon) is abiding.

I love Hindi songs; I love Chand.

SUPERWOMAN

Is that what you think of when you imagine Superwoman? Well, my friend Kamakshi Karuna Kapilavai, with her infant son, feels differently. Recently, she put up a quote from Edgar Watson Howe on facebook, “If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylum would be filled with mothers.” She says that she received many comments on posting this. But she isn’t locking up her kid somewhere or wishing him to be away. All she wants to know is if mothers are actually supposed to be superwomen; is it wrong for them to find some time per day for their sanity?

Kamakshi with her son

Recently, I wrote an article A Father Is Just A Father, But A Mom Is Life It was an acknowledgement of the fact that in Indian society a mother’s role is much bigger; she takes care of everything at home: from washing, to cleaning up house, food and drinks for everyone, and moderating (in many cases tolerating) everyone’s moods and emotional outbursts. In the midst of all this, bringing up a child is a full-time job. And, there is no break. The kid has got indefatigable energy. By the time a mother finishes doing up the household chores, the kid – of the age that Kamakshi has – shifts from part time attention to full time atention. He is inquisitive, active, curious, and wanting to do things. Kamakshi’s son, as seen in the picture above, is of the age as depicted in the ditty below:

We used to wash his hands for him,
But now that he is not so small,
He washes his own whilst we just,
Wash the soap, the sink and the wall.

By the time she finishes playing with him, answering his difficult questions (there ain’t any easy ones that they ask), attending to his every need and generally amusing him; the husband is back from – you guessed it right – work. I am a man, a father; but, I know that at least men have a change of scene: from home to office to home; and probably a few other locations. After a hard day’s work, for him, it is time for television, sudoku, probably a drink and listening to music. However, for her, the work, that never really got over, starts all over again.

What about reversal of roles? Here is a good one on that:

A family of five was going out for a picnic. As soon as everyone finished breakfast, she told the husband, “Lets do things differently today. Why don’t you collect the dishes and put them in the sink, wipe up the kids, help them put on their shoes, turn off the switches in every room including that of the geyser, leave the garbage out; whilst I will go down to the car and keep pressing the horn?”

So, what does she really want? One: sometime of the day that she can call her own; and two, a little empathy. The first one is not just to recharge batteries but also to know that there is more to life than a fixed routine in which sheets are getting dirty and need washing, maidservant has to be tackled (and these days tackling means great skills on which a lot of How to books can be written), the AMC man for washing machine needs to be called, bills have to be paid, shopping for vegetables and fruits has to be done and plants have to be watered to say the least. Can you get servants to do all this? Try it; and if you have to do dusting as well, you are pooped like a cow being milked. And then comes the child.

Why am I saying all this? Have I gone off my rocker? Have I  left my ilk in the lurch? Not really; I too am convinced that I work much harder than my wife, and am able to attend to many many things, including writing this blog. However, I am not into cyclic work; my work has a definite beginning and an end. And, unless I pretend, I do get time to myself for Sudoku et al after I reach home weary.
And, there is one more reason: who knows in my next life I may be born a woman; and then….

“A man’s work is from sun to sun, but a mother’s work is never done.”
Or in other words: “Mother of small kids work from son up to son down.”

HIPPOCRATIC OATH AND THE MODERN INDIAN DOCTOR

Following is taken from Wikipedia:
The Hippocratic Oath is an oath historically taken by doctors and other healthcare professionals swearing to practice medicine ethically. It is widely believed to have been written by Hippocrates, often regarded as the father of western medicine, or by one of his students.
A widely used modern version of the traditional oath was penned in 1964 by Dr. Louis Lasagna, former Principal of the Sackler School of Graduate Biomedical Sciences and Academic Dean of the School of Medicine at Tufts University:
I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.
I will not be ashamed to say “I know not,” nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient’s recovery.
I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.
I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.
I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.
If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.
The most significant ommission from the original is:

In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional ill-doing and all seduction and especially from the pleasures of love with women or with men, be they free or slaves.

There is, therefore, nothing in the modern version of Hippocrates Oath to directly remind the modern doctor that all seductions (of money and sex, for example) are to be avoided. There is, however, a pointer towards his social responsibility.
 Lets consider a few things, which were in the news recently:
  • The first one is that the doctors specify to patients from where to get medicines so that they would get a commission from the chemists.
  • The doctors ask a series of expensive tests to be done such as MRI, CT, blood tests and others by specifying where or in which lab these are to be done because they receive their cut from these labs.
  • Mumbai administration had to remind an elite hospital that the land for making the hospital was given to the hospital on subsidised rates on the understanding that at least 25 percent of the patients being treated in the hospital would be poor; however, the hospital had been turning away all poor patients.
  • After completing MBBS the doctors are required to serve in the rural areas. However, a large percentage of them circumvent this provision by hook or by crook.
Lets also take into consideration the exorbitant fees that some of the doctors charge. If, after all this, you reach the conclusion that medicine or being a doctor is now big business, you may not be far from the truth. There are many reasons for this:
  • It was in the news recently that to obtain a Post Graduation seat in a medical college in Navi Mumbai a candidate had to dish out Rupees 1.4 Crores.
  • Many of the medical insttritutions are either owned by the powerful like the politicians or they have substantial representation in the board of directors of the institutions either directly or through their kith and kin.
  • Most payments to the doctors are made in cash. Indeed, even the labs insist on cash payment so that no trace of payments can be made. Hence, in the Income Tax returns most doctors and chemists and labs show only a miniscule percentage of their actual earnings. It is so easy to insist on cheque payments but then even the patients or their relatives don’t insist on it lest the doctors should spoil their cases in anger. It is, afterall, many a times, matter of life and death.
  • As with the lawyers, the doctors often get away with this arrangement since everyone wants to keep the doctors on their right side. These include the authorities responsible for keeping tabs on their illegal earnings.

We have a situation now, for the first time after independence, whence Anna Hazare’s movement has given hope to the people of the country. Should we not try to break this vicious cycle of doctors spending astronomical sums of money to obtain their degrees and then fleecing the patients to recover such monies?

 

CHALLENGES OF SECURING INDIA’S ENERGY NEEDS

We are moving through very interesting times as far as India’s Energy scene is concerned. In the last few years, after the Indian economy was unshackled from some of the restraints (the period called ‘economic liberalization’), our spectacular GDP growth has been globally noticed. To fuel this fast growing economy, India needs to secure its Energy needs, both indigenously and through imports. The most exciting of the indigenous discoveries have been offshore. 

To keep pace with India’s growing energy needs, the government in 1997 came up with NELP (New Exploration Licensing Policy). For over four decades after independence, offshore exploration was dependent upon nomination by GoI mainly to ONGC. In the pre NELP period (from 1990 to 1996), India had just 28 offshore blocks with 29 oil fields. However, NELP saw a sudden surge in Offshore Development Area (ODA). From 12 companies engaged in the year 2000, India now has some 82 companies engaged in E&P (Exploration and Production). Licenses have been given for 263 blocks, with 200 blocks being operational, and 10 under production. With NELP IX, blocks will move as far away as Andamans and Mumbai Deepwater. 

The Directorate General of Hydrocarbons (DGH) was established in 1993 under the administrative control of Ministry of Petroleum & Natural Gas through a Government of India Resolution. Objectives of DGH are to promote sound management of the oil and natural gas resources having a balanced regard for environment, safety, technological and economic aspects of the petroleum activity. The latest DGH data shows that India’s offshore production now accounts for 2,16,000 BPD of oil and 65 MMSCMD of Natural Gas. These account for 28% and 48% respectively of India’s total indigenous production. So, therein lies the importance of offshore E&P. At a glance, the data for 2010-11 shows:

 

Crude Oil
MMT
Natural Gas
MMSCMD
Domestic Demand
141.8
82.1
Production
37.6
52.2
Self Sufficiency
26%
63%
 Mind boggling? Well, not really unless you think of the next 20 years. Today, US oil consumption is 1/4th of the world consumption. India’s is only 3% and China’s 8%. India’s oil consumption growth in 2006-07 was around 3.5%, much lower than that of China. India today is the fifth largest consumer of energy in the world, but accounting for 3.7 per cent of the world’s consumption. Per Capita primary energy consumption is still fairly low in the country (520 kilograms of oil equivalent, which is less than a third of the world average), with large disparities in the energy consumption pattern.
To sustain its slated GDP growth, its total primary energy demand is expected to almost double by 2030. Its primary commercial energy consumption in 2004 stood at 375.8mtoe (million tones of energy equivalent) and involved coal, oil, gas, and electricity generated from nuclear, hydroelectric, and renewable sources.  India’s commercial energy consumption is expected to more than double to 812mtoe in 2030.India’s indigenous production is unlikely to keep pace with the growing consumption and it is estimated that by 2030 India would be importing 87% of its demand. This, coupled with the increasing share of offshore production in overall indigenous production would stipulate that almost the entire Energy scene would shift to sea; that is import or offshore production.Together with this come challenges of securing India’s Energy needs. Protection of SLOCs is already well-known. However, with the Somali pirates moving away from Somalia and increasingly coming closer to India’s West coast, the task of securing these SLOCs, even in peace time, is becoming more trying. The Indian Navy has had some success in the last two years against the pirates. It has promulgated BMP (Best Management Practices) if vessels are confronted with pirates. However, as is probably natural, our countrymen remember the so-called failures more than the successes. This is even more so since the IN is also responsible for Coastal Security. So, in the last two months, the media and nation went to town demanding reasons for Navy’s failure to detect drifting MV Wisdom and MV Pavit that finally ran aground off Mumbai.

 

We have a VATMS (Vessel and Air Traffic Management (or Monitoring) System for the ODA in the West. Efforts are in hand to have one for ever-increasing assets on the Eastern seaboard. However, the fact that the Navy cannot be everywhere to protect these growing assets throws newer challenges in cooperative security. These are multifold for Indian seaboards since despite 26/11 and urgent need for the same, our fishing activity is still unregulated. Who knows that in the garb of fishermen we may have the terrorists deliberately trying to do damage to the offshore assets? We have to become more serious about both coastal security and security of offshore assets. The Somali pirates have, off late, reached our western coast, at least. We have to quickly have an effective security scheme in place, lest we should be surprised again. The sooner we start being serious about it the better it is for us. For the last two years, for example, we have read newspaper reports of 23 fast patrol boats to be acquired by ONGC for manning by Navy personnel for patrolling the ODA. It is understood that these are still more than a year away to become reality.

ANYTHING FOR FOOTWEAR

We, in India, from ancient times till now, hold footwear in great awe and respect. I don’t know about earlier times, but, from the time of Lord Rama, sandals are regarded as good as the king himself, the ruler, the monarch. Bharat, in the absence of Lord Rama, ruled Ayodhya through the latter’s sandals.Seen in this light one cannot understand the brouhaha about Mayawati sending an aeroplane to fetch her sandals. Looked at it in a certain way, it is just an expression of her desire to usher in Ram-rajya in her state Uttar Pradesh.

Mayawati’s genuine desire to quickly get at her sandals goes well with her dalit image honed perfectly by putting the symbol of poverty and frugality, the elephant, all over the state. This, in a way, can be described a Gandhian way of doing things; if you recall that it used to cost a lot allowing Gandhi to travel with the common man in the third class in the trains.

Mayawati – bringing in Ram-rajya. Pic Courtesy: India Daily

Afterall, if Mayawati was not giving out a lesson in frugality she would have shown scant respect for fellow Indians by going the Imelda Marcos way and have a number of planes fetch a number of her sandals; if the readers care to remember Imelda and her husband when they fled Philippines didn’t wait for their countrymen to shower their footwear in rememberance of a job well done as President and Mrs President, but, merely took a few hundred of her own whilst fleeing. Likewise, Mayawati won’t be too sure if the populace of UP would like to part with their footwear to show respect for her rule. So, her attachment to her own sandals can be excused. Lets also be thankful that she has merely fetched sandals and not hurled it on anyone, which is also becoming quite common. But, she won’t stoop so low.

Talking about Presidents, how can we forget His Excellency, Giani Zail Singh, the hon’ble President of India? His claim that if Smt Indira Gandhi wanted him to sweep the floor, he would do so happily. Each one of our dignitaries, from the President to Parliamentarians to Chief Ministaers to MLAs (Members of Legislative Assemblies) have brought great dignity to their posts by such acts as Zail Singh Ji’s, by hurling footwear and other removable things at one another, and by offering and accepting underhand cash for what they are supposed to do. So possessive they are about the lofty reputation they have built up, that when a commoner like Anna Hazare and his team, do the unthinkable of getting people on their side, they instantly talk about dignity and supremacy of parliament.

In the end we have to consider who is more important, a Foreign Minister of a failed state like Pakistan, Hine Rabbani Khar (who spends a huge sum of money on her Birkin bag) or a Chief Minister of India’s largest state, Mayawati. A pair of sandals is actually a useful item; whereas a bag is just a fashion statement.

By requisitioning a plane to get her sandals Mayawati is also signalling that we Indians take tradition more seriously than wasting planes to be used as missiles against unfriendly nations. It is such an innocent act that we don’t have to start a GWOF (Global War on Footwear).

NO PIPE DREAMS

[lineate]

No, corruption doesn’t affect me,
I am happy and satisfied,
To live in my world that I own,
Where I’ve smiled and cried.

[/lineate]

[lineate]

‘I don’t have to worry about netas,
Nor for the babus I care,
They can’t fleece me anymore,
As I lie in my home half bare.

[/lineate]

[lineate]

The election promises are fairy tales,
We don’t believe in what they say and do,
My grandfather used to live here,
My grandchildren will live here too.

[/lineate]

Pic Courtesy: Totally Cool Pix

[lineate]

I don’t dream of the year 2050,
When we shall be world’s biggest power,
Or the year when they will finally think of us,
No, Sir, we here live by the hour.

[/lineate]

[lineate]

All people are born equal,
So does our religion tell us,
But, we can’t be the ones they talk about,
So why simply should we make big fuss?

[/lineate]

[lineate]

Only, next time you sit in your home,
And curse the gods for your bad lot,
Just think of us in our homes here,
And be thankful for what you’ve got

[/lineate]

[lineate]

When you crib about insipid food,
And not having anything good on telly,
Just give a thought to how we live,
And sleep mostly on empty belly.

[/lineate]

IS AMERICA THE PERFECT WORLD THAT WE IMAGINE?

India is 141st in the world in Human Development Index; it is 135th most dangerous nation out of 153; Mumbai is 116th in world big cities in livability. However, whenever we have to compare ourselves we don’t stop at any other nation but compare ourselves straight with America. It is not just with the media or the intelligentia. You go to the remotest village in the country and the commonest of the men would tell you, “Yahan jo ho raha hai vo umreeka main nahin hota. Traffic bade niyam se chalta hai vahan.”(What happens here does not happen in America. Traffic has to follow certain rules there)If you now ask this person when did he last go to America; the chances are that he has never been there. Ask him next if he has any friends or relatives there? Once again you are likely to draw a blank. It is just that he imagines everything will be well in the “best country in the world – America“.

I am reminded of this yokel who returned to his village after extensive “world tour”. He was showing off about how he spent a week in umreeka, a week in London, a week in Germany, a week in Hongkong, a week in Paris and so on. The others just stared at him until one of them who had studied in primary school commented, “Bahut achhe. Aapka geography ka knowledge to bahut improve ho gaya hoga.” (Very good; your knowledge of geoagraphy must have improved a lot). The yokel’s immediate response was, “Ek hafta vahan bhi rahe” (Stayed for one week there (in geography) too).

The armed forces, politicians, bureaucrats, industrialists, actors, actresses and other film people, music people, scientists, teachers and academicians; virtually each and everyone has America as an ideal. We denigrate America in public life; in and out of parliament. However, whenever a neta has an illness the first country that he/she runs to for treatment is America.

We fondly draw comparisons between the US and India; how we are natural allies: world’s largest democracy hobnobbing with the most functional one. “And by the way, theirs is as messy politics as ours“, we say proudly.

In public life we take a person or institution to task for sharing any secrets with America. But, as in the case of David Coleman Headley’s case, we privately share secrets and hope like hell it won’t be public because of such nuisances as Wikileaks (who have even given names of politicians belonging to both ruling party and opposition having large accounts in Swiss and German banks; but that is another story).

One country that we want America to sort out for us is our half-brother Pakistan. We imagine they have the power as they did during Kargil War. Once again, we do not want America to intervene. However, we expect it to sort out nuisances around us without intervening.

The only thing that we don’t want America to sort out is the mess that we have made of our own country: in corruption, governance, city planning, traffic (that kills more people in a year than most wars around the world), intelligence, human rights, police reforms etc because these would be interfering inthe “internal matters” of the country. That America gives support to Su Kyi in Myanmar, and dissidents in China, is lauded by us. But, we are a democracy; we have every right to quell dissidence by invoking “supremacy of parliament.” Obama ji, please keep clear of our domestic matters. These are the only things that give us a sense of power.

Our NRIs in America have a similar love-hate relationship towards US of A. Whilst in America, they extol the goodness of Indian way of life; however, should they decide to take a trip (the annual one to meet relatives) to India, they show off how backward India and Indians are to America and Americans.

The relationship, then, trudges along like this; blowing hot in private, blowing cold in public. Irrespective of what they do in AfPak region; when an American in authoritative position, during visit to our great nation, dances with the village women in Rajasthan, close to Delhi, all is forgiven and forgotten.

“Yeh dosti hum nahin chhodenge…..”

MY YOUNG DAYS OF WATCHING MOVIES IN SOUTH BOMBAY

I joined the Indian Navy in 1973 and in 1975 I was a commissioned officer. I have many happy memories of the first few years of my career in the Navy that were spent in South Bombay. I was never into politics but it is my belief that internecine and dirty politics had not spoiled Bombay at that time. Bombay Police, for example, used to be compared with Scotland Yard in efficiency and reputation. In the services club, when we used to discuss such hair-raising incidents as advent of rogues and killers like Billa and Ranga in Delhi, we used to speak with great deal of satisfaction that such incidents won’t happen in Bombay due to the pro-active approach of Bombay Police.

How safe South Bombay was can be made out from the fact that it was a common sight to see young girls watch late night shows (though South Mumbai movies had to finish by 12:30 AM by local law) by themselves and then walk back home.

South Bombay prided itself in having the finest of the theatres patronised by decent crowds; the type who would be aware as well as well mannered: Regal and Strand in Colaba, Eros at Church Gate, Metro at Dhobi Talao, New Empire, Liberty and Sterling and later New Excelsior near Flora Fountain. There was Akaashvaani near LIC Building and one could watch good repertoire of movies there devoted to a theme. For example, I saw many of Raj Kapoor movies there during a fortnight devoted to his movies.

And what were the movies of those young days? In 1974, still an Acting Sub Lieutenant, I saw  The Towering Inferno in Eros. It was a done thing during those days to read the book and then see the movie. The movie ran in Eros for over a year. During the first few months it was impossible to obtain tickets in current booking. My uncle, my dad’s eldest brother, Tej Bhan Singh, had arrived from New York with his American wife, Betty aunty, and two daughters Kiran and Maninder. Kiran and Maninder had missed seeing the Inferno in New York and requested uncle if I could take them to see the movie. They hadn’t reckoned, though, that we couldn’t just walk in to see a movie in South Bombay without prior reservation. Anyway, uncle came to our rescue. He just walked to the Booking Counter where a large sign said ‘House Full’, and addressed the Booking Clerk thus, “Sir, would it be possible to get three tickets in the Dress Circle for my daughters and nephew?” There must have been something in my uncle’s personna because the Booking Clerk dished out three tickets. It was actually House Full and he put three moulded plastic chairs for us in the Dress Circle.

A scene from Towering Inferno
We were on the edge of our seats watching rescue operations

And what a movie it was; starring Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, William Holding and Faye Dunaway. We were at the edge of our seats with the excitement caused. The movie won three Oscars but left to us we would have given it many more. Hollywood was really very good at making disaster movies. Many years later when they made The Titanic and it was appreciated for its technical excellence, I was not surprised at all.

The Poseidon Adventure, a rescue from a ship that scuttled after meeting with cyclone at sea was another great experience. I saw it in Sterling. I hadn’t read the book before seeing the movie starring Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Shelley Winters, and Red Buttons. Once again the sitting on edge quality was the hallmark of the movie.

A tense scene from The Poseidon Adventure

One movie that really changed my life was One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Jack Nicholson got the Oscar for it. Louise Fletcher played Rached and did it so well that I instantly hated her. The movie was so powerful that you didn’t walk out the same person from the hall. I saw it in Regal. The last scene where the supposedly loony Red Indian uproots the wash-basin in the hospital so as to throw it at the window and escape (and thus the name of the movie) is so intense that you had your hair standing on ends. You were silently willing him to do it. I would rank the movie amongst the best that I have seen. I read Ken Kesey’s book many years later.

By far the best movie that I ever saw: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
She did her role to perfection and you felt like strangling her alive.

It wasn’t all disasters and hateful stuff all the while. Paper Moon was a gentle movie that I saw in New Empire. The movie was based on the novel Addie Pray and starred the father and daughter pair of Ryan O’Neal and Tatum O’Neal. Tatum, as Addie Loggins was born to a prostitute. It was rumoured that Ryan as Moze Pray was the actual father of Addie since he had had an affair with her mother. Ryan, however, was a conman and was determined to deny it. The last scene of them driving off together as father and daughter was touching.

Ryan and Tatum O’Neil in Paper Moon

Talking about conman, how can I forget The Sting that, once again, I saw in New Empire. Both Paul Newman and Robert Redford were there and the suave manner in which Sting was conducted would be probably in the same league as Count Victor Lustig who sold off the Eiffel Tower.

Superb acting by Paul Newman and Robert Redford in The Sting

Surprisingly neither Paul Newman nor Robert Redford got the Oscar for their acting in the movie.

I can go on and on since it was such great pleasure seeing movies at that time. However, let me just bring out two more before I go on to tell about some of the Hindi movies that I saw. Both these movies are important to me. Fiddler On The Roof was one of the greatest musicals that I saw, in Sterling theatre. The movie was an adaptation by Norman Jewison of a 1964 Broadway play about a Jewish family living in Tsarist Russia. The movie had an unforgettable role by Topol as head of the family with five daughters. As a poor Jewish father he had the task of finding the daughters their matches. The movie had most memorable songs such as Matchmaker, If I Were a Rich Man, Sunset Sunset, Do You Love Me?, To Life, and Far From the Home.

Topol with his wife and five daughters in Fiddler on the Roof

The other movie is really very dear to me: Chariots of Fire, story of two English track atheletes, one a devout Jew and the other a proud Christian. This was the first movie I saw with my newly wedded wife in Bombay. We had married in a mandir in 1981, prior to my parents according their permission almost two years later. As she joined me in a one room (bedroom, dining room, kitchen, and sitting room all-in-one) flat in Naval Coastal Battery Worli, I had bought a cutlery set, a few utensils, a fridge, bucket and mug, gas stove etc on instalments. Even in such indigence we went to see this movie. The movie won four Oscars.

A scene from 1981 movie Chariots of Fire

Let me now turn to some of the Hindi movies seen by me in South Bombay. South Bombay had the distinction, at that time, of not screening the run of the mill Hindi movies about rich daughter of smuggler in love with poor but upright hero; some of these financed by the smuggler Haji Mastan at that time. It would show Hindi movies with a difference. By far the most powerful of the lot was Garam Hawa (Hot Winds), a 1975 movie that I saw in Regal. The film, directed by MS Sathyu, dealt with the plight of a North Indian Muslim family in the years after partition of India in 1947. Balraj Sahni as shoemaker Salim Mirza, the head of the family, came up with a most memorable performance of his career. As one by one, Muslims left for Pakistan, Salim’s daughter found that her betrothed Farooq Sheikh (having migrated to Pakistan) couldn’t marry her since he had found someone else in Pakistan. She then turned her attention to Jalal Agha. Nothing was decided between them until they went to Fatehpur Sikri where a most poignant scene was enacted. Jalal Agha as Shamshad told her (Geeta Siddharth as Amina) about the Emperor Shahjehan entrusting the Queen Mumtaz with two pigeons whilst he’d be away for a short while. When he retured he found that she had only one pigeon in her hand. A little annoyed he asked her, “What happened?” And she says, “It flew”. He asked, “How did it fly?” and Mumtaz released the other one saying, “Like this.” However, since the story was already known to Amina, she held Shamshad’s hand half way by saying, “I won’t let the second one fly.” In the end Shamshad is arrested and she commits suicide by cutting her vein.

Balraj Sahni in the role of his lifetime in Garam Hawa

Once again in Regal Theatre I saw a great movie called Shatranj Ke Khiladi (the Chess Players). The movie directed by Satyajit Ray and based on Munshi Premchand’s short story by the same name, had a super cast of Amjad Khan as Wajid Ali Khan, Richard Attenborough as General Outram, Sanjeev Kumar as Mirza Sajjad Ali, Syed Jaffrey as Mir Roshan Ali, Shabana Azmi as Nafisa, Mirza’s wife, Farida Jalal as Mir’s wife and Farooq Shaikh as Aqueel. Mir and Mirza get so obsessed with the game of chess that they negelct their wives. There is a famous scene in the movie when Shabana starts having an affair with Farooq but Sanjeev insists, “Hum aaj kal bahut door ki sochte hain kiyunki hum shatranj khelte hain” (We look far into the future because we play chess). Because of such far-sightedness, they continue to play chess when the British marched their forces to take over Awadh.

Sanjeev Kumar and Syed Jaffrey in Sahtranj Ke Khiladi

Another movie that I saw during those days was a Vinod Khanna starrer Achanak (Suddenly) directed by Gulzar. Vinod Khanna as Manjor Ranjeet Khanna was to face gallows for having killed his wife Lily Chakravarty and her lover Kamaldeep who were having an affair when Vinod Khanna was away fighting for his country. When Vinod Khanna, running from the police, is finally caught, he is heavily wounded. Dr Chaudhary played by Om Shivpuri is entrusted with the task of reviving him so that he could face gallows in good health. An excellent movie with ironies galore.

How can I ever forget another one directed by Gulzar called Aandhi (Tempest) that I saw in Metro? The movie starred Suchitra Sen supposedly as Prime Minister Indira Gandhi and Sanjeev Kumar as a hotelier with whom Suchitra Sen had a love affair but with her engagement in politics it was not expedient to carry on. The movie had three excellent songs penned by Gulzar and music composed by RD Burman: Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva to nahin, Is mod se jaate hain, and Tum aa gaye ho noor aa gaya hai.

Suchitra Sen and Sanjeev Kumar in Aandhi

Once again, I can probably go on and on. However, let me end this by saying how an actor came on the scene like a breath of fresh air and during those days we were floord by the light heartedness of those movies. Yes, I am talking about Amol Palekar in Chotti Si Baat and Rajnigandha. During those days, heroes and heroines like Rajesh Khanna (I saw quite a few of them in Liberty, eg Ajnabee with Zeenat Aman), Dharmendra and Amitabh Bachchan (Sholay), Rekha (Umraao Jaan), Hema Malini (Sholay) were so larger than life that small timers like Amol Palekar and Vidya Sinha didn’y stand a chance in making a box-office hit. But such was Basu Chatterjee’s direction, Amol Palekar’s effortless acting, and Salil Choudhury’s lilting music of such popular songs such as Jaane man jaane man tere do nayan, Na jaane kyun hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath (title song), and Yeh din kya aaye; that the movie was a super-hit.

Amol Palkar in Chhoti Si Baat – breath of fresh air

Chhoti Si Baat was the second movie of that genre. Basu Chatterjee had earlier made Rajnigandha with the same cast and music by Salil Choudhury. It received the Critics Award in 1975, the year of my commissioning in the Navy. It too had two memorable songs: Rajnigandha phool tumhaare, and Kai baar youn hi dekha hai.

I live in Kharghar now, far from South Bombay; it is not even Bombay anymore. Every now and then I get overwhelmed with nostalgia of that era when I was young, when life was uncomplicated, when seeing a movie was such indescribable fun that it would create timeless memories. I feel like singing Gulzar’s exquisitely written lyrics for a 1975 song for the movie Mausam starring Sanjeeev Kumar and Sharmila Tagore:

“Dil Dhoondta hai phir vahi furasat ke raat din,
Baithe rahe tasavvur-e-jaanaan kiye hue”
(The heart once again yearns for those leisurely days and nights
When we could just sit back leisurely, and let our imagination wander)

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