Life is like that – Page 3

ADIEU PATRICK DESYLVA – MY DOCTOR, FRIEND AND AN ANGEL

Even though I am married to a Catholic, I never considered 13 to be an unlucky number. From now onwards, I have reason to hold it as an unfortunate day. For it is on this day in this month (February) that I lost my doctor, friend and God’s own angel on earth: Patrick DeSylva. He was (it is difficult to think of him in the past tense) special – very special – and it was shocking to get the news on last Monday evening that God wanted Patrick to be nearer to Him than we wanted him.

My Association with Him

They say that people come into your life for a reason. Long back I was convinced that Patrick (Paddy as some of us called him) came into my life to prove to me that whilst I thought God was unkind to me for having given me a life-long disease Psoriasis, He was most kind by giving me an outstandingly reliable doctor, guide and advisor whom, on one plane I could hold affectionately as a friend and on another plane look up to him almost as a saint sent on earth by God to do His work (If you see his picture above with the wax statue of Mahatma Gandhi when he, Patricia and Rohit (wife and son) visited Hongkong in May 2012, it would not be surprising to see more than slight resemblance). Patrick was indeed Mahatma to all his patients. Desylva was his surname; it could have been Nightingale, for, even as a very senior doctor in the Navy’s Hospital in Mumbai, Asvini, he would personally attend to patients’ (both officers and sailors) lesions and other skin afflictions.

I became his patient in 1994 when I was second-in-command on INS Viraat. His clinic was in the old building next to the gate. He was a Surgeon Lieutenant Commander at that time. It was the first time I had seen such large crowds of patients waiting. Later, I was to know that even if there were other dermatologists, people preferred to wait for him to see them. He took cuttings of my nails to rule out fungal growth and asked me to carry out an RA Factor Test to rule out Rheumatism and soon he diagnosed it as Psoriasis with Arthropathy.

As I saw more and more of him, I was to realise that despite the shock of my life-long affliction, God had compensated me by giving me the best doctor ever. His presence, his talking to me and his prescribing medicines and advice to me, all were always reassuring. In nearly two decades of my being with him (though I kept getting transferred all over and he too did the same), there were many instances when, however busy he was, I went to see him just to be reassured and not to obtain any medicines or treatment. He probably knew it but never looked edgy or gave me less importance. And, later when I compared notes, I found that there were hundreds with whom he was into such arrangement.

Amongst many memories of his, I shall take out two, just to tell you what sort of doctor he was. In the year 1995, I got my first attack of Urticaria (Hives). I drove to Asvini, at night, for emergency treatment. He was not even on duty; but, within no time he was there attending to me. It is as if he had left a word that he should be called for any of his patients.

The second incident is even more poignant for me. When Patrick’s own condition deteriorated, which finally led to his demise (it was sometime in 2009-10 that he was diagnosed with Parkinson Disease), I had to start seeing another dermatologist. However, three years ago, when I was admitted to Asvini for severe gastritis, I found him visiting me at my bedside having been brought there on a wheel-chair. Whilst I talked to me, he stared somewhere at a distance. However, at one point there was a flicker of recognition. Little did I know that that would be the last flicker of recognition that I would see in him.

Patrick’s Career

Patrick was born on 17th March 1955. Coincidentally, Patricia (Puttu), his wife also has birthday on the same date. He was a student of St Theresa High School, Bandra from Jun 1960 to Apr 1971. He joined St Xavier’s College in June 1971 for BSc (Chem) (Honours) and graduated in Oct 1975. Soon thereafter, he got selected for Army Medical Corps (AMC) and graduated from AFMC (Armed Forces Medical College, Pune) Grad School in June 1980. He specialised in Dermatology thereafter and that’s how I saw him from 1994 onwards. Patrick was so fond of his AFMC roots that he never forgot to wish his colleagues and friends from there on the AFMC Day on 04 August. And this continued even after his Parkinson Disease (PD) had progressed extensively. He retired as a Surgeon Commodore. I was waiting to see him as a Commodore. But, sadly, PD came along and put a sudden end to his career and life. We all have to bow to God’s will. However, one still fails to understand why God would give Parkinson to someone like him. All of us entertained fervent hopes of Patrick’s full recovery. Here is what a friend, Glen Ferro, wrote to him on FB on 30th Mar 2016: “Hey Paddy. Have been meaning to talk with you and share my written testimony with you. God healed me of CANCER- NHL 3rd stage high grade diagnosed in 2007.
If you sms or WhatsApp or post me your email address I could send you the soft copy. If HE did it for me HE can do it for you. Godbless.” Alas.

Personal and Family Life

Patrick’s is a very closely knit and private family and I have Patricia’s permission to intrude and share a few photographs, when I told her that without this my tribute for him won’t be complete. I must begin by acknowledging that Puttu always stood by him in this entire period of trial that God made them go through. I have seen them occasionally in social gatherings including at our house in Ahilya building, before I retired in Feb 2010. She exhibited enormous courage, love and compassion to renew memories with him by visiting places even when his condition worsened.

Patrick completed his specialisation from AFMC in June 1986. Before that, on the 6th day of May 1986, he and Patricia married in Pune. Rohit was born on 25 Mar 1987 (I am thankful to Rohit for having put up the accompanying lovely picture yesterday). Nikhil, the younger son was born on 24 Nov 1988 in Kochi. Both grew up to be handsome, loving, intelligent and well-mannered children in the likeness of their parents. Indeed, every year, for Christmas, we all looked forward to seeing the family picture, next to the X-Mas tree. Here is one each from the happier days (year 2010, before the PD started having effect on him) and the last one in Dec 2016:

Being a doctor, Patrick would have known how the PD would start affecting him together with dementia and depression. Hence, after he joined the Facebook on 29th Mar 2009 (having been prodded into joining by a friend Rita Villaneuva), many of his posts were full of his scores on online video games such as Burst the Bubbles, Mindjolt, Angry Birds, and Zombie Frenzy, so as to keep his mind active. I took my son Arun to see him once (Arun has been a video gaming champ); Patrick and him happily discussed video games.

On his 60th birthday on 17th March (Puttu has her birthday on the same day. She is four years younger)

We would wish them on their birthdays (same day: 17th March); sometimes Patrick on Patricia’s timeline and vice-versa. Both would very graciously respond to the birthday greetings. It was a treat to receive his message despite the shakiness and slowness of his movements due to PD. How we all prayed for him.

And all the while, slowly but relentlessly the disease progressed though there were occasions and moments when it didn’t look like the disease had any effect on him whatsover. The 12th Dec 12, whilst attending Rohit’s graduation convocation, appeared to be one such day:

All the cheer that this brought in his life was soon wiped away when Patrick lost his father in March 2013; as it is Parkinson Disease has the symptoms of anxiety, dementia and depression. In 2012, the family (mostly because of Puttu’s resolve and dedication) kept a brave face by visiting Hongkong, Macau and Shenzhen (Guangdong) in June of that year. Anyone looking at the pictures can’t believe that he is suffering from a dreadful disease:

The most poignant picture (poignant now that Patrick has left us) is of them visiting Udaipur to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary on 6th May 2016. The picture is representative of Puttu’s, Rohit’s and Nikhil’s desire to see him as happy as possible. Indeed, there is another picture of them going to Goa together to celebrate his 60th birthday.

Patrick that We Would Remember

Whatever be his patient’s circumstances, Patrick always talked to them with a smile that started slowly (almost imperceptibly) around his lips but soon spread to his face and to the faces of his patients. He always brought hope to all of us even though in the end he landed himself in a hopeless condition. Patrick was an epitome of that small minority who hide their own pains in order to bring cheer to others.

We were at Vice Admiral Lowe’s house once (not too many years back) and Patrick took up a guitar and it surprised me (I didn’t know about this attribute of his) to hear him play and sing a lively song. Honestly, he appeared more appealing to me than Elvis. How was I to know that Patrick would leave us early like his singing idol did?

Patrick was deeply religious. What about comparison to Saint Patrick, the Apostle of Ireland? Saint Patrick’s Day is observed on 17th March, which is Parick’s (Paddy’s) birthday and the day when Saint Patrick died. It is difficult for me to get over the interpretation that on the day when one saint died, another was born. Here is a family picture on the Saint Patrick’s Day in 2016, less than a year before Paddy died:

Dear Patrick, knowing you, I won’t be surprised that you would have got to work in heaven too; after all people require to be cared for everywhere and you are always there to provide a helping hand. Since I have enough evidence with me that you would have, I have to tell you that my Psoriasis requires to be attended to again and like all your patients, I wish to be seen only by you.

Please don’t fail (you never did) all of us.

MARRIED TO THE MOB!

Ladies and gents, guys and gals,

Did any of you see this rip-roaring American comedy starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Matthew Modine? Michelle Pfeiffer did the role of her lifetime as Angela de Marco, wife of gangster Frank “The Cucumber” de Marco. Matthew Modine acted as Agent Michael “Mike” Downey, the undercover FBI agent assigned the task of investigating her mafia connections.

So, you have understood the name but must be wondering what has this got to do with my Facebook Group ‘Humour In And Out Of Uniform’ or HIAOOU for short? Well, if you look at the poster, you will read the words: “They’re her family….. whether she likes or not”!

And now you’d start seeing the connection! We have any number of these young, wistful girls who marry armed forces officers because they are impressed by the uniform, smartness and the daring. Star-stuck, they keep dreaming of the time they would be alone with the husbands….however, the mob never leaves the husband. It takes sometime for it to sink with them that the mob is the family.

My wife and I, for example, married in love (some of you must have seen and read some of my posts about us, eg, ‘Lyn And I – Scene By Scene’ and ‘Navy Couples – Made For Each Other (A Valentine’s Day Post’). I cautioned her that during our wedded life, friends may land up home any time; but, I don’t suppose the full impact of it registered with her…….well, until, they actually landed up! As I offered them drinks and told her to come up with some small-eats, she whispered to me, with more than a slight edge: “But, we’ve had our dinner long time ago.” After 35 years of being with the ‘family…..whether she likes or not’, this initial comment of hers appears downright naive to her only, now! She can now hold classes for ‘young, wistful girls marrying armed forces officers‘ with this opener: “Decades before Airtel got this ad, the faujis knew that ‘Har ek friend zaroori hota hai‘. There is nothing like rustling up left-overs for the friends; your husbands and they would demand the best. So, you ought to be prepared at all times.”

Now the other side!

I was posted as a bachelor officer in Navy’s Leadership School for Sailors: INS Agrani in Coimbatore and CRJ was our XO (Second-in-command). A few of us (four to be exact) were bachelors and, in the nights, we raided married officers houses in rotation. None of the ladies needed any classes to understand how to treat us; they were the epitome of hospitality, affection and generosity.

One day, CRJ, in order to (re)establish authority as XO (second-in-command is after all second-in-command!) told us in mock-anger that we created too much ruckus in his house during our last raid. He was, otherwise, the sweetest of the souls and so was Mrs. J. We, the bachelors, had a conference and decided that probably Mrs. J didn’t like our boisterous nature and hence CRJ’s bemoaning. So, we decided, (as in naval slang) ‘with immediate effect‘, to skip CRJ’s house during raids.

Ladies and gents, this continued for two weeks. We raided every other house but CRJ’s. After this period, we were urgently summoned to CRJ’s office. As we entered, he closed the door behind us and then – hold your breath – he broke down completely! He said Mrs. J had been berating him every night with, “The gang has stopped coming to our house only. You must have told them something bad. Shame on you. Have you forgotten your days as a bachelor? Now, do something before we are permanently ostracised.”

And so the cycle continues!
Today you are the ‘Mob’, tomorrow, you are ‘Married’!

RIVER RAFTING DOWN THE GANGES

I had never done this before even though I always wanted to. I have spent 37 years in the Navy; but, that’s like a person joining the air force on the strength of his having travelled on the upper deck of a double-decker bus.

My wife and I were visiting Haridwar and Rishikesh after our Course Get-together at Dehradun. The day before attempting to make true our fantasy we visited the place called Shivpuri (23 Kms from Rishikesh towards Badrinath), the launching ground of most river rafting done in that area except for the really intrepid ones who go much further up the river.

Next day, we decided that we had to undertake a rapid quickly enough so as to get over the fear rather than launch ourselves from this location. So we went a kilometre further up and came to this spot:

We were staying with the army at Raiwala and with their help, it wasn’t difficult to book the rafts at reasonable prices. There are of course a number of rafting operators readily available charging you as little as Rupees 500 per head and about Rupees 3000 for the entire raft. We had a little difficulty because on the morning of our adventure, the operator told me that we (my wife and I) were both on the other side of sixty and regulations permitted him to permit people up to 38 years of age to undertake the rafting. He somberly added that a few years back a qualified rafting guide had lost his life when the raft toppled (capsized) in a rapid. Even the Wikipedia talks about whitewater rafting as extreme sports that may result in fatality.

Lyn (short for Marilyn) and I however convinced the operator that we would be very very careful. With me being from the Navy, our guide soon gained confidence and I negotiated one of the rapids standing up in the raft. I also enjoyed jumping in the river and swimming.

Lyn and I with a person from the army (Parmeswaran) to help us and our guide (Aryan) and his assistant soon formed a reliable team (the primary spirit of the rafting) and trusted one another with our lives. I learnt that the international rafting association, the governing body of rafting anywhere classifies the rapids into six classes with Class 1 being those rapids that require slight manoeuvering, with small rough areas, and not requiring anything more than basic skills to the most dangerous rapids being of Class 6 with risk of serious injury and death being very high. But then, if there is no risk, there is no fun (Please read my: ‘The Lure Of Going On A Limb’ after my rappelling experience). They say only the most tortuous paths lead to the most beautiful destinations and in case of whitewater rafting, it is very true.

There are of course a number of rapids by the time you get to the destination (Ram Jhoola at Rishikesh) and one of the fearful ones is called Roller Coaster. Here is a video made by me of other rafts going through this rapid (whilst you are in the raft and negotiating it, clicking videos is the last thing that you’d want to do. Hence, I don’t have videos of our negotiating these rapids):

Here is the first of the rapids called ‘Camel Top’ that we negotiated (the video is shot by me of another boat doing the same thing):

It is not just the rapids that give you thrill. Every once in a while you come across calmer waters (of course with strong under currents) and then you get to look out and admire the scenery and your other mates in the raft:

In the above pics, you would have noticed a man on the bank, in maroon robes playing on the flute. He was playing the popular arti Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram. My video couldn’t capture the notes but I could capture the atmosphere:

Whilst paddling through the rapids, the technique that we used more often than not was to continue with the momentum as much as possible by rapid paddling called punching. High siding (leaning out as much as possible on the higher side in order to right the raft going through the rapid) was used only once or twice and we didn’t use low siding at all. For a navy-man, who has done these enough at sea in a sailing boat, there was nothing new, however. I must, at this stage, have a word of praise for my partner, my wife, for not just the daring but enjoying the adventure thoroughly:

I was reminded of the time, seven years ago, when we went to Andaman and Nicobar islands and I offered her to do snorkelling with me in Chidhiya Tapu. She was apprehensive of lowering herself into the sea because she doesn’t know swimming. However, after she learnt the technique and saw the beautiful choral underwater, she didn’t want to get out:

Rafting can actually be that kind of fun and more. One doesn’t ever want it to get over. It is like going through the river of life with all its ups and downs, dangerous and risky times, calm and happy occasions and of course the joy of having been there and done that.

Soon we had crossed the last of the rapids called Doble Trouble, the name having derived from the rocks in the middle of the river, dividing the river into two. At this point we started seeing first the Laxman Jhoola and then our destination the Ram Jhoola:

We had had an experience of a lifetime and as we saw the Ram Jhoola and the places around, wanted it to go on and on and never finish:

The notes of the final part of the aarti of the evening before for Gange Maa echoed in our hearts and ears and we felt fortunate that Ganga Mata (Mother Ganga) gave us the opportunity to be with her and witness her kindness, loveliness and enchantment even if for just two and half hours:

Be part of this enchantment and do this adventure at least once in your life. As far as my wife and I are concerned, it has prepared us for bigger and greater adventures.

Zindagi na milegi dobara (You can’t get your life again).

“I Hate Your Blog, I Don’t Know Why”

Some of your friends who don’t exactly say it but mean it nevertheless remind you of people who are quite at home with stray dogs but cannot stand your pet-dogs. Why this strange-sounding simile? Well, on social-media discussions, the same people, would quote from little known, pedestrian authors and indeed from recirculated internet stuff that goes by the misnomer of ‘knowledge’, but readily ignore your well researched essay. There must be some psychology, some reasons behind this secret hatred for blogs. Let me examine some of these.

1. Mujhe Bhi Kuchh Kehna Hai (I too have something to say). In an essay titled ‘All Photographers And Writers, No Viewers And Readers’, I brought out that the biggest two techno-social changes that have affected our lives in the last decade or so are that everyone is a photographer and everyone can write and instantly publish. Hence, there is nothing unique or extraordinary about anyone who writes or clicks pictures. Lets take the latter first; if someone puts up pictures of his family trip to London, you can put up pictures of your trip to Rio. “London is really a destination where people used to go in the last century; it is time that these commoners now learn to go to more exotic locales. But, frankly, they don’t have it in them; for them, London is still abroad“. Now, let’s get to writing blogs: “What’s so special about what he has written? I don’t have time, else, I could have written ten such articles and with better English and humour”. If you ever visit largest Indian Blogging site Indiblogger, you will discover that they maintain a ranking of blogs dependant upon people voting for blog posts. And who are the people who vote? Well, other bloggers. Everyone, therefore, follows the tenet: ‘You scratch my back, I scratch yours‘.

2. Ghar Ki Murgi Dal Barabar (Home-grown chicken is worth (lowly) dal (cereal) only). Ah, the time when we used to read the brilliant stuff of really intelligent men and women in newspapers and magazines. Somehow the stuff that the boy or the girl next door writes does not sound that erudite or good. It is almost like discovering your son paints as good as Picasso or Rembrandt! How can that be? Yes, we want social media revolution to change governance in the country, our surroundings, world politics and community religion. However, our next door blogger doesn’t have the calibre to take on anything even close to it. In any case, having heard and read him a few times, we already have good knowledge of what he/she is going to say.

(Carton courtesy: allthingslearning.wordpress.com)

3. Quantity Has Made Quality Suffer. You can gather all kinds of arguments to support your theory. One of them is that delightful cuisine cannot be made for millions. Yes, blue jeans was an invention that changed the way masses dressed and really well to do people spent their lifetime. thereafter, in Levis. However, you cannot go to a gourmet dinner dressed in blue jeans, can you? Naturally, as seen by you since you make all the arguments to suit your bias, quality has certainly suffered now that everyone who has Internet can publish. In the words of the Urdu poet:

Barbad gulistaan karne ko to ek hi ullu kaafi tha,
Yahan..har shaakh pe ullu baitha hai anjam-e-gulistan kya hoga?

(For destroying the wonderful garden, even one owl is sufficient,
Here there is an owl on each branch, wonder what would happen to the garden?)

4. I Know The Author Well; He/She Can’t Write For Nuts. Whilst with the author in a novel, newspaper or periodical there was no personal linkages, more often than not, with a blogger, you are one to one. Hence, your mind works overtime to remember how he was a nincompoop when you were with him in school or college or elsewhere. He couldn’t make a sentence in English properly. Then there is another bigger problem, which is, that one reads so that one can quote in good company. People are taken aback when you suddenly quote a verse of Coleridge or some other quote of say, Tolstoy. But, imagine trying to impress a company by saying that your friend, the blogger wrote it. Naturally, you can’t even impress people by quoting him/her. Perhaps, if it makes a lot of sense, you can say Vikram Seth said it! In any case, who would have read all that Seth wrote?

5. Who Has The Time? The race for time is similar to Mumbai traffic or for that matter traffic in any other Indian city. Once, when a motorist overtook me in very slow moving traffic, by hook or crook, and I came parallel to him at the next traffic lights, I lowered my window and asked him, “भाई साहिब, मान लो आप मुझसे दो तीन मिनट पहले अपने ठिकाने पर पहुँच जाओगे; पर उस दो तीन मिनट में आप करने क्या वाले हैं?” (Brother, supposing that you reach your destination two or three minutes ahead of me; but, what exactly are you going to do in those two or three minutes). He laughed and laughed and said, “क्या करें? आदत पढ़ गयी है?” (What to do? It has become a habit). The same people who complain about lack of time spend hours solving the Sudoku.

6. He Is Only Promoting His Blog. In a way, unless you believe in literary masturbation, you write so that people would read. You don’t make any money writing your blog; however, they make it look like as if blogs are similar to prostitution in which you woo your clients by selling your body and soul. Recently, I had this experience when a friend used these exact words to win an argument that he was otherwise trying to win through profanity.

7. I Can’t Be Forced Into Reading Anything; I Choose To Read What I Want To. For heavens sake, our choices over a period of time are dwindling. With the onslaught of advertisements, we don’t ever have a choice of what we buy and use; we don’t have a choice in government making even though we vote election after election: many of us don’t have a choice of partner for life,and so on. At least, let me exercise choice in reading what I want to read rather than being forced to read something sent by a friend.

8. Why Can’t He Write ‘Short-and-Sweet’? Most highly popular blogs have just a picture or two or a quote or a paragraph of recirculated stuff. People immediately identify with such stuff. Such stuff also meets the demands of some of the reasons that I have given above, especially lack of time. A few years ago I started a number of groups on Facebook on various themes ranging from ‘Laugh With The Punjabis‘ and ‘Humour In And Out Of Uniform‘ to ‘Yaad Kiya Dil Ne‘ (a group for sharing music) and ‘Main Shayar To Nahin‘ (a group for sharing poetry). I insisted that people would write as per the theme of the group, write original, and steer clear of posting greetings, religious messages, political messages, and other such nonsense. I wrote my experiences in an essay titled: ‘Want To Start A Facebook Group? Have A Reality Check‘. Soon, all groups on Facebook become Friends Circles wherein everything and anything is posted. No one reads serious poetry either written by friends or by recognised poets, for example. People are happy to write, like and comment on such gibberish as:

जब तुम्हारी याद आती है तो बहुत दर्द होता है,
जब दर्द होता है तो तुम्हारी याद आती हैI

This is short and sweet. I accessed this site and found this s & s piece had 453 likes and 117 comments.

There you are: I have tried to find reasons as to why blogs are hated and disliked. If you are a blogger and you have some other reasons to add, please go ahead and share in the comments.

'It's so refreshing to meet someone who doesn't blog.' (Cartoon courtesy: jantoo.com) — (Cartoon courtesy: jantoo.com)

SHE WILL GET ME SOME TIME, I KNOW – A CONFESSION

What a long-lasting affair?
What a long wait for her?
She has been chasing me
Ever since I was a boy
Perhaps she liked my daring even then
Dangling from rocks
Diving into a raging river naked
To flirt with her
Even when I didn’t know swimming.

During my youth
She knew she had got me
On many an occasion
When I was careless, reckless
But, only nearly
I flirted, she came closer
I never wanted to capitulate totally
But, now that I am confessing
I might as well tell all.

The fact is, being a woman
She too flirted with me
Knowing I was going to marry
Another woman; she didn’t care
On that night, when next morning
My wife was going to join me
I was drunk and I drove my bike
And she sat as pillion
Clutching and feeling me everywhere.

As some sense came into me
And more because I was married
I started keeping distance
Barely acknowledging her presence
Even when I could see her from a distance
And anyone could have seen me
In her bewitching eyes
Waiting to get me
Waiting to hold me in her arms.

I became more careful
More artful about hiding our affair
She was forever in my heart
In my conscious mind
When I retired, she again came closer
I will get you, she whispered publicly
She was as young as when
I was a little boy
And I was the one who had become old.

How long can I resist her?
Her love has grown, but, mine
Mine has nearly died
I don’t flirt with her anymore
I want to run away from her
To a quiet, secluded place
Where she can’t find me
I admire her patience, though
A lifelong wait to have me.

A number of times she’s beckoned me
I too am adamant not to give in
She has everything ready
The flowers, the music, the feast
But can’t she sense, though she’s young
She is not even half as adorable
As when I flirted with her in my youth?
Can’t she sense I don’t
Want to be hers anymore?

Doesn’t she know
I don’t want her anymore?
I love my wife, my kids
My family, my friends
And she doesn’t even fit in
All daring has left me now
I even cross the road
When the walk light is green
I don’t want her anymore.

Shouldn’t she too abandon
The plans to wed me?
Knowing I have become a good guy
Brushing my teeth, twice a day
Taking my pills regularly
Shunning all excitement and evil stuff
For the good of my heart.
Look for someone else, my love
I actually want to live.

VETERANS’ OBSESSION WITH MEDICAL ISSUES AND ECHS

Now that I have joined the Veterans’ community six years ago (We wear a badge to that effect in all our gatherings; we in the armed forces have always taken badges so seriously that many of us gave up our lives to earn two inches of ribbon and a badge (medal)), I find that not only that ailments are a constant companion with most of us, talking about our ailments is an irresistible hobby.

Here is how two Veterans meet:

Veteran 1 (heartily): Nice to see you, buddy (it is almost an exclamation at finding him still alive).
Veteran 2 (equally heartily): Nice to see you too, ole chap (“I am also stunned that you can still be seen”).
Veteran 1 (coming straight to the important issue): So how is your gall-bladder these days? (This in the tone of one inquiring about a close family member).
Veteran 2 (wistfully, as if missing the loss): I had it removed. How is your Psoriasis?
Veteran 1 (as if talking about a pet dog): Behaving. I have to keep visiting Asvini. But, it is great fun meeting all the old friends there.

Veterans are at, what the author James Michener used to call as, the age of metal; that is, silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, and lead in their walk (though James used a more disparaging term).

Hence, whatever be the original topic of discussion between them, it is dexterously steered to the most significant issue of ailments and solutions. I am reporting an actual conversation (the names ain’t actual):

Veteran A: I heard the good news about your daughter Nalini getting married last month.
Veteran B: Yeah, she and Vikas are quite happily settled in the USA.
Veteran A: USA is the place to be. What does Vikas do?
Veteran B: He is a doctor.
Veteran A: A doctor, is it? Somehow the best of our doctors have all gone abroad. The other day I went to Asvini to see a urologist; this b—-r didn’t know his ass from his elbow and I had gone all the way from Kandivli to see him.
Veteran B: You are telling me? I had gone to get medicines for my cardiac condition and this chap was simply clueless. On top of that, at the ECHS clinic they didn’t have the requisite medicines after making me – a cardiac patient – wait in the queue for over an hour.
Veteran A: Ahh ECHS. They never have the medicines and the guys there talk so rude too. I keep telling them, “Wait till you retire beta; then you will know“.

ECHS or Ex-Servicemen Contributory Health Scheme is the second most favourite topic with us. Gone are the days when we used to be fitness freaks and talk at length about climbing this hill or that or trekking or going for cross-country runs. Earlier, our contribution towards our post-retirement health was to pay in advance for the treatment. Now, it is to go from pillar to post fetching medicines.

In the Annual General-body Meetings (AGMs) of the Navy Foundation, just about the only agenda items are those related to ECHS. It appears that happiness is spelt with a capital E; the moment we have sorted out all our ECHS problems, this bird called Happiness would sit on our window-sill and tweet our favourite tunes. Have a look at one of the AGMs in progress with this singular agenda point in various garbs:

In AGM after AGM we listen intently to how "in the near future" our ECHS problems would be sorted out. — In AGM after AGM we listen intently to how “in the near future” our ECHS problems would be sorted out.

With all our focus on medical and ECHS issues, one would feel that most veterans would look frail and ailing and as the saying goes one foot in the grave and other on a banana peel. Surprisingly, the number of octogenarians honoured every year during the AGMs is rather large:

(Octogenarians of 2015 AGM with the Navy Foundation (Mumbai) office-bearers.

Perhaps all the running around to get ECHS and medical issues sorted out and to obtain the treatment and medicines actually keeps them fit! They fully deserve the memento that’s given to them:

Memento given to honour the octogenarians.

This year the AGM was held in Lonavala. At the end of energetically discussing all the ECHS problems, our dedicated and forever witty Secretary informed the members that there is indeed good news: the Command Headquarters have informed the Navy Foundation that they would send a wreath (free of cost) for any veteran kicking the bucket and in case he is a gallantry award winner, then a bugle would be sent to play at his funeral. Needless to say this brought unrestricted smile to the faces of all veterans. Wow, a wreath and (in the case of lucky ones) a bugle!

If you see in the picture ladies smiling more than the men, it is because they would actually hear the bugle! — If you see in the picture ladies smiling more than the men, it is because they would actually get to hear the bugle!

Life in the armed forces, for the veterans, was full of challenges and joys. Life after the armed forces is still full of challenges and joys. However, the most welcome and joyous part of the armed forces, as laid out for us, is death ushered in with flowers and bugles.

THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONS AND RELATIONSHIP(S)

Origins of Emotions and Relations

I find Human Evolution as a very fascinating subject. Humans or homo sapiens, as we see them around now, at some point of history of primates, separated themselves from the apes (hominids). Genetic studies bring out that the history of primates is older than 85 million years ago. There have been many theories (in the absence of recorded history we have either theories or gospel (word of mouth)) regarding the Evolution of Man, the foremost or the most accepted being the Darwinian theory. All these theories explore only the anatomical aspects; for example, the origin of man standing and walking on two feet and legs (bipedalism). Nothing has yet brought out the evolution of emotions and relationships, except in gospel. And that is the aspect that fascinates me most. For example, who was the first man or woman to fall in love? Or was it at the great ape stage or even earlier? When, how and why did the first man get angry and who triggered those emotions in him?

From emotions, relations and relationships are just the next logical steps, provided there has been some logic in evolution of these things. It is quite reasonable to assume that relations as we see them today have undergone dynamic changes in the thousands of years of evolution. Even if we believe gospel, for example, and assume that Adam and Eve were the only homo sapiens that were sent on Earth, their procreation, in terms of today’s relations would have produced only brothers and sisters. It would have stopped any further evolution of human-kind if they had considered procreation between brothers and sisters as sinful.

Family and Genes

It would be easy to consider that family and genes (both related to heredity) wouldn’t be exclusively human concepts. As humans, we are told (by sages and spiritual/religious leaders) that a feeling of I, My, Mine is the biggest obstacle that keeps us from true happiness and God (Sri Guru Granth Sahib refers to it as haume’) (Please read ‘Debatable Philosophies Of Life’). I had argued it out in the essay (that I have quoted above) that a feeling of myness is the most natural feeling in primates. No one needs to teach it even to apes and animals; they are naturally rejoicing in and protective of their progeny. So strong is this myness that it is imprinted on our genetic cells over generations; for example, we belong to a larger family having similarity of genes (heredity).

Even at that all-encompassing relationship of myness, it would be interesting to imagine the origin of specific familial relations, say, between father and son, husband and wife, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters.

When did the concept of familial relations originate? (Pic courtesy: io9.gizmodo.com)

Blood Relations

Just as we have seen in the story of Adam and Eve, the concept of familial relations too has gone innumerable changes and modifications to arrive at the present accepted concept. The fact is that the present accepted concept is just a majority concept and is certainly not universal. In certain races or religions, for example, marriages are to take place within the family of blood relations only.

I have covered the concept of Religion and God in my essay ‘Whose God Is It Anyway?’ Lets, therefore, only ponder the concept of blood relations. It has become an important concept in legal circles and various tests are defined to prove blood relations. It would be easy to understand that the concept draws heavily from sexual reproduction (a physical phenomenon) and has nothing to do with one’s beliefs, biases and proclivities. Most often than not you don’t have to prove that you are brother and sister, mother and son, father and daughter. However, if inheritance, as seen by the law is at stake, you may have to prove that. It is another thing that at one time all of us may have belonged to one family. But, then, historically, as families became larger and larger, the concept of blood relations became narrower.

Human Relations Beyond Blood Relations

The fact is that increasingly human relations and relationships have become significantly more important than blood relations. One of the first ones to help propagate this concept was Lord Krishna. Even those who feel these tales are merely mythological (and have little historical basis), we are here talking about a concept that originated in India, which for the first time, more than 3000 years before Christ, made sacred a relationship beyond blood relation, even if forced by events or imagined events of that era. I am talking about the relationship between mother and child. Krishna was born to Devaki, the wife of Vasudeva. During the wedding of Krishna’s parents there was a prophecy that the eighth son of Devaki would kill the cruel Kansa. Since this prophecy was announced in the presence of Kansa (Devaki’s brother), he killed six sons that were born to Devaki. The seventh one Balarama escaped death by being transferred to the womb of Vasudeva’s other wife Rohini. Krishna escaped death by Vasudeva, his father, carrying him across Yamuna to his foster mother Yashoda (a wife of Nanda). In Hindu scriptures, Yashoda, the foster mother (not a blood relation) is far more important and revered than Devaki. In tales of Krishna-Leela, his childhood spent with Yashoda, is the most important period of episodic enchantment. Yes, this is not recorded history but gospel. However, this is the first time (even in folklore) that anyone called a relationship far more important than blood relation; the relationship of pure love that is.

Yashoda, the foster mother of Krishna playing with him (Pic courtesy: www.iskconbangalore.org)

Two important things to note here are (whether or not it is historical) is that the concretisation of the concept of blood relations in later-day India and the legal wranglings to prove blood relations (for inheritance) have radically moved away from this concept. This is all the more ironical since the Law itself has been an evolution over centuries and not something writ in stone. And the other follows from the first one itself, which is that even those who believe in Krishna, move the courts to prove blood relations. Hence, religion is not a way of life all the way but merely a philosophy of convenience; we believe in some parts and ignore others that stand in the way of pragmatism.

Husband – Wife Relationship

In Hinduism there is no relationship more sacred than the one between Krishna and Radha; so much so that Radha Krishna is considered as one name rather than a combination of two. And yet, though the concept of marriage was prevalent in that period (such as Devaki marrying Vasudeva; Krishna’s parents, that is), Krishna and Radha never married.

Some four thousand years (or more) after Krishna was believed to have been born to Devaki and Vasudeva, the Sanskrit poet Jayadeva (recorded history) wrote a famous poem Gita Govinda in the 12th century AD, and then the spiritual love between Radha and Krishna became the subject of intense folklore. Hence whilst Krishna is shown not as deity but God Himself, Radha, His devotee, is shown as the embodiment of love by a devotee towards God. The Hindus raised this Love by Radhe as even more important than God Himself (Krishna). And that’s why it is always Radha Krishna or Radhe Krishna and never Krishna Radha.

Human and God Relationship

The Adi Granth, the predecessor of present day Guru Granth Sahib, was compiled by the fifth Guru of the Sikhs – Guru Arjan Dev – in the sixteenth century. Thereafter, every Guru added something to it. The tenth and the last Guru, Guru Gobind Singh (whose name was one of the names of Krishna) didn’t add anything of his own but added all 115 hymns of his father Guru Teg Bahadur. In the year 1708, he decreed that after him there won’t be a human Guru but the Sikhs are to consider Guru Granth Sahib as their Guru.

The relationship between a devotee and God has been described in the Guru Granth Sahib by the first Guru – Guru Nanak – and curiously, it has drawn from the Radhe Krishna relationship: of between a wife and her husband. Guru Nanak portrayed the love of a suhagan (wife) for her husband as the purest form of devotion. He, of course, stressed upon the adornments for the suhagan being not material things like gold jewellery and diamonds but purity of heart and thoughts.

Take the case of Meerabai (born 1498). Meera Bai was born into a Rathore (Rajput) royal family of Kudki district of Pali, Rajasthan. Although born a princess, she renounced everything and became a devotee of Lord Krishna and considered herself married to Him. Since she flouted social and familial norms, she was persecuted by the society and especially by her in-laws. However, she didn’t desist from her chosen path. The Hindu scriptures, considering Devotee-God relationship as the one between wife and husband (Radhe Krishna), have widespread mention of the bhakti of Meera for Krishna as her husband, more than four thousand years after Krishna lived on earth.

More than four thousand years after Krishna, Meera again embodied the relationship between Devotee and God as being between wife and husband (Pic courtesy: lovekanha.blogspot.com)

Evolution of Modern Thought Process on Relations

Various rituals have been evolved over centuries to cement husband-wife relationship, the origin of all other familial relations.

The Saptapadi (Sanskrit for seven steps/feet), is the most important ritual of Vedic Hindu weddings, and represents the legal part of Hindu marriage. Sometimes called Saat Phere (seven rounds), couple conduct seven circuits of the Holy Fire (Agni), which is considered a witness to the vows they make to each other.

The Sikhs have Anand Karaj (blissful union introduced by Guru Amar Das (the third Guru) and involves four circuits around the Guru Granth Sahib (four lavan). Here God’s embodiment in the form of Guru Granth Sahib is considered witness to the holy marriage.

There are rituals in various other religions and castes most of them having some embodiment of God (such as agni, Guru Granth Sahib, Bible and other holy documents) as witness to the sacred marriage.

Guru Nanak, in his famous ‘Gagan mein thaal….’ arti in Jagannath Puri exhorted people to directly worship God (contained in His naam) rather than through any embodiment of God or deity (he refused to offer arti to Lord Krishna being only a deity when God Himself could be approached directly. Please read: ‘Nanak Shah Fakir – The Movie And Its Message‘). Curiously, this is one common element of all religions: they all know and feel that there is One God but the only real God is what they worship and all others are merely deities.

So the point is that the process of marriage is merely a ritual. Even if you want to make your marriage as sacred (marriages are, as is talked about in most religions and beliefs, made in heaven and then you are together for several lives (janam janam ka saath), merely chanting the name of God whilst accepting a person as your partner should be adequate for all purposes except for inheritance for which you have to legally prove your marriage.

Talking about dynamism or forever evolving concept of relationships, on the lighter side, in Mumbai (they must be elsewhere too) I have come across many couples whose male partners started off being Rakhi-Brothers (not blood brothers) (especially to widows) and who finally married their Rakhi Sisters.

Continuing with the lighthearted approach towards relations, I remember this anecdote of a divorced husband having to pay the bringing-up charges for his son (as part of alimony) until adulthood. On the first of every month, the son used to come calling at his blood father’s house, collect the alimony and go. On the first of a month just before the son’s 18th birthday, the father derisively told him, “Well, go back and tell your mother I am not your father anymore.” At this the son responded, “Mom wanted me to tell you that you never were”. Light-hearted alright, but that opens our eyes to the so called blood relations.

More and more people are now moving away from the religious rituals of weddings and for the purpose of legality of marriages for inheritance and other purposes getting married in courts (My son Arjun and daughter-in-law Samira did. Please read ‘Loveapalooza Arjun And Samira’s Lifetime Music Fest‘). Love is the strongest thread that need to be tied in order to complete the nuptials. Please recall that Guru Nanak, being a Hindu at that time, refused to wear the holy thread Janeyu as he said that no material symbols could replace oneness with God in thoughts.

Have the Hindi Movies Got it Right?

I am a fan and you would have seen it extensively in my blog posts. Whether or not the Hindi movies have got it right in other aspects of the movies, as far as evolution of relationships is concerned they seem to have kept pace and in many cases, several paces ahead.

Let me just give you three cases.

The first one is that of 1972 Shakti Samanta movie Amar Prem (Immortal Love) starring Rajesh Khanna and Sharmila Tagore. The film portrays the decline of human values and relationships (in blood relations, that is; Sharmila Tagore’s uncle sells her off as a courtesan) and contrasts it by presenting an outstanding example of a boy’s innocent love (Rajesh Khanna legally married to a wife who doesn’t care for him at all) for the same courtesan. A song about the decline of these relationships and double standards of people is a favourite of mine. It was penned by Anand Bakshi and composed by RD Burman in Raag Khammaj, Tal Kaherava. You must go through the lyrics in order to get the full meaning of these in the wake of discussions on relationships so far:

(kuchh to loga kahe.nge, logo.n kaa kaama hai kahanaa
chho.Do bekaara kii baato.n me.n kahii.n biita naa jaae rainaa ) – 2
kuchha to loga kahe.nge, logo.n kaa kaama hai kahanaa

kuchha riita jagata kii aisii hai, hara eka subaha kii shaama huii – 2
tU kauna hai, teraa naama hai kyaa, siitaa bhii yahaa.N badanaama huii
phira kyuu.N sa.nsaara kii baato.n se, bhiiga gaye tere nayanaa
kuchha to loga kahe.nge, logo.n kaa kaama hai kahanaa
chho.Do bekaara kii baato.n me.n kahii.n biita naa jaae rainaa
kuchha to loga kahe.nge …

hamako jo taane dete hai.n, hama khoe hai.n ina ra.ngaraliyo.n me.n – 2
hamane unako bhii chhupa chhupake, aate dekhaa ina galiyo.n me.n
ye sacha hai jhuuThii baata nahii.n, tuma bolo ye sacha hai naa
kuchha to loga kahe.nge, logo.n kaa kaama hai kahanaa
chho.Do bekaara kii baato.n me.n kahii.n biita naa jaae rainaa
kuchha to loga kahe.nge

The second one is this 1969 Asit Sen movie Khamoshi (Silence) starring Rajesh Khanna and Waheeda Rehman. She is a nurse in the hospital where he is admitted with mental disorder caused by having been deceived in love by his beloved he wanted to marry. This song penned by Gulzar and composed by Hemant Kumar says it all as far as relationships are concerned; it suggests that the only true relationships are those of love:

Hamane dekhii hai un aa.Nkho.n kii mahakatii Kushabuu
haath se chhuu ke ise rishto.n kaa ilzaam na do
sirf ehasaas hai ye ruuh se mahasuus karo
pyaar ko pyaar hii rahane do koii naam na do
hamane dekhii hai un aa.Nkho.n kii mahakatii Kushabuu
haath se chhuu ke ise rishto.n kaa ilzaam na do
hamane dekhii hai

Pyaar koii bol nahii.n, pyaar aavaaz nahii.n
ek Kaamoshii hai sunatii hai kahaa karatii hai
na ye bujhatii hai na rukatii hai na Thaharii hai kahii.n
nuur kii buu.Nd hai sadiyo.n se bahaa karatii hai

sirf ehasaas hai ye ruuh se mahasuus karo
pyaar ko pyaar hii rahane do koii naam na do
hamane dekhii hai un aa.Nkho.n kii mahakatii Kushabuu
haath se chhuu ke ise rishto.n kaa ilzaam na do
hamane dekhii hai

muskuraahaT sii khilii rahatii hai aa.Nkho.n me.n kahii.n
aur palako.n pe ujaale se jhuke rahate hai.n
ho.nTh kuchh kahate nahii.n, kaa.Npate ho.nTho.n pe magar
kitane Kaamosh se afasaane ruke rahate hai.n

Surprisingly, the third one that I am giving is also from a Rajesh Khanna movie: the 1971 Hrishikesh Mukherjee movie Anand (Bliss). The song in which the truth about relationships occurs was also sung by Hemant da in Bengali. Here, it was penned by Yogesh and composed by Salil Chowdhury. Here are very meaningful lines about relationships:

Kahii.n to ye, dil kabhii, mil nahii.n paate
Kahii.n se nikal aae, janamo.n ke naate

Love is the Greatest Relationship

Three months back I wrote an essay titled ‘Love – The Greatest Feeling On Earth‘. The relationship of Love is indeed the greatest relationship. And, it need not be between a husband and wife. Look at the relationship that a soldier has for the motherland (a son’s dedication for Bharat Mata). He is prepared to give his life for her and often does. There is a relationship of love between us and animals. Take this about our dog Roger and us:

The most important relation or relationship is not by virtue of rituals and ceremonies but what a person actually means to you. Rituals and ceremonies are for societal and legal purposes, for example for inheritance. And why should inheritance be the consideration in relationships since after you are gone, you don’t own anything anymore? As Shakeel Badayuni wrote:

Yeh zindagi ke mele,
Duniya mein kam na honge,
Afsos ham na honge.

You can go narrower and narrower in relations and relationships. The fact is that every man is a variation of yourself and you are indeed related to every person on earth by the colour of his or her blood. If you want to seek more refinement in this God made relationship, you can seek a relationship of Love.

Today happens to be the canonisation of Mother Teresa. She is now onwards Saint Teresa of Calcutta. Here is the relationship that made that possible:

AS IF WE OTHERWISE RESPECT MEDAL WINNERS

One oft-repeated comment that I received on my ‘Olympics Are Biased Against Indians’ has been that I should write a fresh one for the just concluded Olympics. The article, people wrote, is hilarious; but, they want a fresh one too. So here it is, not during but after the Olympics. It is not hilarious but in my own straight-bat manner, I have tried to hit the nail on the head.

Whenever we as Indians discuss and debate any issue, just like in Arnab Goswami’s telly debates, we divide ourselves into we versus they; we are the good people with best interests of the country with us and they are the evil, inefficient, and corrupt lot who are hell-bent to take the country backwards. Shobha De, for example is us and the politicians and ministers who didn’t let Sakshi (a Bronze Medal winner in wrestling in Rio Olympics) speak in her own felicitation function (because they wanted to grab the limelight themselves) are they. And, these we and they keep changing places depending upon the flavour of the day; for, if there is one word that describes Indians, it is opportunists. We ain’t good competitors; but we are good opportunists. All of us.

‘One reason for evil to last is for good men to do nothing about it’. This should lead us to realise that not just they but we too are responsible for the situation we are in.

Nearly a year back I wrote an article in this blog titled: ‘Indians – Poor In Record – Keeping; Armed Forces No Exception’. In this, amongst other things, I had brought out that after the 1999 Kargil War, the citation for Grenadier Yogendra Singh Yadav, who received the highest military gallantry award that the country had to offer – the Param Vir Chakra, that is, read that he was being awarded this medal posthumously. The poor Grenadier went on record saying that he didn’t want a medal that killed him even when he was still alive. This is how much we cared about the medal given for the highest in gallantry. Reacting to this article, some of my army friends emotionally brought out that this happens in fog of war. For heavens sake we are talking about the highest gallantry award and the army didn’t know whether the recipient was dead or alive.

We Are Like That Only. There are no we versus they. All of us including me are to be blamed. I remember the time when the Anna Hazare movement was at its peak. Everyone expected that once we would sort out the corrupt politicians and bureaucrats through such instruments as Lokpal Bill, India would suddenly emerge as a corruption free nation. We conveniently forgot our own involvement in making the babus and netas corrupt and our penchant to seek short-cuts to success through greasing palms of these worthies.

We are indeed like that only.

Thus, before and during the Olympics, it is made to appear that medal-winners are worthy of our respect and emulation, except that we don’t seem to be having many.

First, lets take a quick count of medals won by us in all the Olympics so far. The modern version of Summer Olympics started in 1896 and India sent just one athlete Norman Gilbert Pritchard (later as Hollywood actor Norman Trevor) to the second of those in the year 1900. He won two Silver medals. But, he was of British parentage, born in Calcutta and in 1905 went to settle in Britain.

We didn’t send a team until the sixth Olympics in 1920 when a team of six men (four athletes and two wrestlers) and two managers participated. We drew a blank. We drew a blank again in 1924 when we sent a team of 14 (seven athletes and seven tennis players) with one manager.

Our first Olympic Gold came in the year 1928, in the eighth Olympics, when we sent a team of 21 (seven athletes and 14 hockey players with the manager GD Sondhi. We won the hockey finals. We won the hockey gold for the next five Olympics in succession. Hockey also helped us get our first Olympic Gold as an independent nation in the 1948 London Olympics.

The first Indian (and not of British parentage who just happened to be born in India when India was under the British) to win an individual medal was in the the twelfth Olympics, the 1952 Summer Olympics in Helsinki. Khashaba Dadasaheb Jadhav won a wrestling bronze in the Bantam Weight category. Despite his sterling performances in national events he nearly missed a berth for the Helsinki Olympics due to nepotism, the bane of Indian sports. He didn’t bow down to corruption in Indian sports but appealed to Maharaja of Patiala, himself a sports enthusiast. The Maharaja felicitated his entry in Olympic trials where Jhadav defeated his opponent who was otherwise billed to go to Olympics!

Jadhav in the centre in Helsinki Olympics 1952 (Pic courtesy: www.karad.mazegav.com)

What was the honour bestowed on him being the first Indian individual medal winner in Olympics? None, since he had earned the ire of the officials. Three years after the Helsinki Olympics, he joined as a sub-inspector in police. He continued winning domestic competitions. He was also a wrestling coach. He served in the police for 27 years and retired as Assistant Police Commissioner and since he had learnt to fight in wrestling, they made him fight for his pension. He was a pariah of the sports federations and thus neither a Padma Shri nor any riches were bestowed on him. He died of a tragic accident in 1984. In the last few years of his life and until his death, he was a poor man. That is India’s first individual medal winner. Do you think any industry in India, any organisation, any philanthropist supported him? The answer is none.

The last Olympics before India became independent were held in 1936 in Berlin and our team size was 27 competitors (four athletes, three wrestlers, one Burmese weight-lifter, and a hockey team of 19) and three officials including manager G D Sondhi. As soon as we became independent, our team size bulged to 79 and from 3 sports and we suddenly started taking part in ten sports. In 1952 Helsinki Olympics, for the first time we sent 3 women. Thus, after their inception in 1896, it is only in the twelfth Olympics that we sent women (there were no Olympics held in 1916 due to World War I and 1940 and 1944 due to World War II).

In Hockey, we have won a total of 11 medals including 8 Golds, 2 Silver and 1 Bronze. In individual medals, thanks to the deplorable treatment meted out to Khashaba Dadasaheb Jadhav, our next individual medal came only in 1996 (23rd Olympics) when Leander Paes won a Bronze in Tennis (men’s Singles). Leander Paes competed in consecutive Olympics from 1992 to 2016 making him the only tennis player in the world to have participated in seven Olympics.

He has been bestowed with many awards. He has received the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna award, India’s highest sporting honour, in 1996–97; the Arjuna Award in 1990; the Padma Shri award in 2001 and its 3rd Highest Civilian Award the Padma Bhushan in January 2014 for his outstanding contribution to tennis in India.

At this juncture let me bring out that there is money in tennis and cricket. Yuvraj, for example, instantly won a crore rupees for hitting six sixes in an over. The reason is that both these sports are well suited for advertisements in between the overs and the games and there are huge advertisement budgets and sponsorships involved in both the games.

Compare these with an event that both our men and women have been winning since its inception in 2004, the Kabaddi World Cup, that is. So far, there have been seven world cups for men and three for women (since 2012). We have won all the seven golds for men and all the three golds for women. But, have a look at the women waiting for and finally getting into an auto-rickshaw after winning the World Cup:

If you go on the net or check the newspapers, you would get to see our former sports persons who brought glory to the nation languishing in poverty. Here are a few of those pics:

I am not going to fill this entire blog with numerous stories of neglect of sports persons even after they made the country proud.

Lets take one of the most famous: Shankar Lakshman who was the goalkeeper of the Indian team in the 1956, 1960 and 1964 Olympics, that won two gold medals and one silver medal. He was the first goalkeeper to become Captain of an international hockey team and was awarded the Arjuna award and the Padma Shri by the Indian government. He was Captain of the Indian team which won the gold in the 1966 Asian Games. After missing the selection for the 1968 Olympics, Lakshman quit hockey. He remained with the Army, retiring in 1979 as a Captain of the Maratha Light Infantry. He lived the final years of his life in poverty, and died in 2006 after suffering gangrene in one leg, in Mhow.

Shankar Laxman, the Indian hockey goalkeeper, with whom we won two Golds and one Silver died in poverty — Shankar Lakshaman, the Indian hockey goalkeeper, with whom we won two Golds and one Silver died in poverty

Lets take just one more case, that of Sita Sahu. This intrepid 15-year-old at the time of 2011 Special Olympics at Athens won for the country two Bronze medals: in 200 m relay race and in 1600 m race. What does she do now? She still lives in abject poverty and sells golgappas and paapdi chaats.

Sita Sahu, winner of two Bronze medals at Special Olympics in Athens in 2011, selling golgappas and chaats to survive

In our characteristic style we blame the netas and the babus and the self-serving officials of sports federations in India, very sure in our minds that we ourselves have no role to play in this rot. And then we blame the money spinning games of cricket and tennis for the neglect of other sports.

Who goes to see the cricket and tennis matches? We do. Who goes and spends hours and days watching tamasha (spectacle) at the IPL? We do. Indian sports persons have won a total of only 28 medals in all the Olympics so far that include two of Norman Pritchard and 11 of Hockey; a miserable 15 medals in 28 Olympics. Six of these were won in London Olympics and two in Rio. This means that we just had seven individual medals to our credit in 26 Olympics.

Five years ago, I wrote an article titled ‘Indians Bartering Character For Prosperity’. I concluded the article with the following words:

“At the present juncture, I am sorry to say, we are doomed to be what we bemoaned at one time: ‘a rich country inhabited by the poor’; except that now, poor is defined as ‘poor in character‘.

Everyone of us has to bring in (and do so proudly) discipline in our individual and collective lives.”

Lets face it; we love tamasha (spectacle) whether in sports or in religion or in anything we do. Everything has to be seen in money terms. IPL interests us because it is a media-made tamasha, that makes us feel great just like three hours spent watching a Hindi movie takes us away from the reality of the squalor and misery that we still live in.

And if we feel that the political leaders are responsible for this mess, think again. Who elects them? We do.

During the height of Anna Hazare movement, I wrote several articles as to why the movement would fail unless we are involved in clearing the mess and not leave it to them to do so. My only poem in Punjabi (my mother tongue) was ‘Anne Na Raho (Don’t Remain Blind)’ bringing out our own responsibility in electing the right people and not just toss a coin and vote or not to wait at all.

And, mind you, we are talking about medals won in sports. As a nation we don’t have respect for those who won gallantry medals at the risk of their lives or often sacrificing their lives for the country.

Here is a spectacle of veterans returning their medals in protest against the non-implementation of One Rank One Pension. Who cares? We don’t.

Veterans returning their hard-earned medals during an OROP Rally (Pic courtesy: timesofindia.indiatimes.com)

Next time, following the advice of our former and most respected President: Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, rather than pointing finger at the political bosses and some other officials, lets point a finger at ourselves and begin with ourselves to set things right. Lets take a pledge, for example, that we shall desist from such tamasha as IPL and encourage our athletes and other sportsmen, even if the current entertainment value of watching them is little.

Lets all win together and not make it look like that they are us if they win and they are they if they lose.

HELL IN THE JVDE (KHARGHAR) – A ‘WAR’ MOVIE IN THE MAKING!

First of all, what is JVDE (Kharghar), you are bound to ask me? Well, it stands for Jal Vayu Defence Enclave (Kharghar), an AFNHB (Air-Force Navy Housing Board) colony in Kharghar, Navi Mumbai (Please read: ‘Jal Vayu Defence Enclave Kharghar – How Can It Become The Best Colony?’).

Secondly, why do I have to write posts about this colony? It is simply because after retirement from the Indian Navy in end Feb 2010 I made this colony my home for the rest of my life and whatever happens here affects me in a huge manner.

Thirdly, why this queer title of the post: ‘Hell In The JVDE (Kharghar) – A ‘War’ Movie In The Making!’? Let me explain:

I saw this 1968 World War II film titled Hell In The Pacific (starring Lee Marvin and Toshirō Mifune, the only two actors in the entire film) in the New Empire theatre in South Bombay in a matinée show after I became a commissioned officer in the Indian Navy. The film is a story of two military men, an American pilot and a Japanese navy captain, marooned on an uninhabited Pacific island, who, in order to survive, must accept their differences and work together, despite their two countries being at war.

The film was entirely shot in the Rock Islands of Palau in the north Pacific Ocean, near the Philippines in the Philippine Sea. A curious historical factual coincidence was that somewhere near there, on an island, an American and a Japanese soldiers were actually discovered many years after the war; they kept plotting against each other many years after the World War II ended since on that island they had no means of knowing that the war had been called off.

In real life too, both actors served for their respective countries during the Pacific War. Marvin, who was in the US Marines, was wounded and received the Purple Heart during the Battle of Saipan in 1943. Mifune served in the Imperial Japanese Army Air Service.

And now, perhaps you will understand the title of the post. Retired IAF and IN personnel, despite my best efforts and those of my other well-meaning colleagues, are still at war with one another in JVDE (Kharghar) and they ain’t on a remote island! Who is to tell them that the hostilities have been called off? And that, now, they must work together for the well-being and survival of JVDE (Kharghar).

The following scene from the movie could very well be between the previous MC (Managing Committee of JVDE who were voted out last year) holding by throat the new MC (duly elected) and not allowing it to do its assigned job. What does the previous MC have to gain by it? Well, the same that the British had to gain by their crafty policy of ‘Divide and Rule’.

Last month, the previous MC guys, in a bid to prove that though they didn’t fight the (re)elections for the MC last year, they were indeed the God’s gift to JVDE during their tenure, called for a calling-attention Special General Body Meeting (SGM) of JVDE. The agenda was only one; which is, that the new MC was doing enormous harm by not following the confrontational and spy versus spy approach of the previous MC, which had successfully made disharmony as the way of life in the Society. It was a sheer wastage of time for all of us since they were hell-bent on proving by rhetoric what is against the commonsense of majority of the members.

I had broken my silence of the last few years during that SGM and reminded these members that the number one issue concerning our Society is to actually restore peace and harmony, trust and camaraderie. I was supported by an unambiguous voice vote. Undeterred, the JVDE rabble-rousers immediately after the SGM, renewed and even doubled their efforts to disrupt normal functioning of the Society. As far as they are concerned, every plan and effort of the new MC has to be somehow countered and opposed. Every issue of JVDE has to be connected with the single-point agenda of the last MC, that is, the so-called Encroachment Issue. So far, they have made all out efforts to link Fire Safety of the buildings and the Land Conveyance Deed to the Encroachment Issue. This has been done so as to justify the five years of their tenure that they dissipated on this non-issue to the exclusion of any other scheme for the welfare of the Society.

Take the case of this rabble-rouser group’s strident opposition to Rain Water Harvesting (RWH) on Terraces of the buildings. They already know that it would actually solve the rampant leakages problems in buildings for which in the five years of their tenure they were able to do nothing. They have already sensed the danger to their relevance as rabble-rousers and hence have started an all out campaign not to let it happen.

Two buildings: Tulip and Daffodil (all buildings in JVDE have been named after flowers not knowing that there are people in the Society forever in love with thorny issues) are due for major repairs and hence the works committees of these buildings had approached the present MC for installation of RWH with twin aims: One, it would result in rain water harvesting, which buildings in Mumbai and Navi Mumbai are increasingly undertaking so as to get over perpetual water shortages. And two, the shed over the terraces would keep the terraces dry and prevent the perpetual leakages the top floors face due to bad design and construction. Have a look at the pictures below and remember that since the original construction of JVDE buildings and until now we have not been able to arrest the leakages in buildings; the number two issue facing the Society (the first being restoration of Peace, Harmony, Trust and Camaraderie), that the previous MC wasn’t able to do a fig about because of focus on only one issue: the so called encroachments.

Of course, there are many other measures to keep the terraces clean and dry, in addition to the above. However, the intransigence of some of the members of the previous MC (they actually want the focus to return to a single point agenda of the so-called encroachments) is keeping the present MC from implementing any of these plans.

Time has therefore come in the society whence most of us (if not all of us) must abandon the earlier path chosen by the previous MC of confrontation, mistrust, hostility and suspicion (and doing nothing else) and think in terms of being participants with the present Managing Committee for the well-being of the Society.

I am, by no means suggesting (since some of the rabble-rousers are adept at twisting every word of others) that there should be no opposition to the ideas and plans of the Managing Committee. We should debate and discuss, in civilized fashion, all significant issues of the Society. However, we should shun the highly disruptive approach adopted by some of these people who have vested interests in ensuring peace, harmony and well-being don’t ever return to JVDE.

Let us all join hands in ensuring that ‘Hell In The JVDE (Kharghar) – A ‘War’ Movie In The Making!‘ is stopped here and now and bring home to the handful of rabble-rousers that their disruptive methods are not appreciated and won’t succeed.

P.S. Please do feel free to give your comments below. When the comments on my last article were published, the rabble-rousers had this to say to me: “All favourable comments to your article are by those who have encroached upon common-spaces in the buildings”. However, I publish all comments, whether favourable to me or not, except when comments become rhetoric and even longer than the article itself!

MAN ABOUT THE HOUSE

No, this article is not about the 1970s British sitcom by the same name. Nowadays, in Mumbai, for example, it is common to see a man sharing a house with two single women (all students or all in their early careers); the women preferring the man’s presence for safety and security. However, in the 70s sitcom, starring Richard O’Sullivan, Paula Wilcox and Sally Thomsett, it was considered a very daring idea.

This article is about the fantasy that the wives in the armed forces have about having their husbands home and what actually happens when this dream is realised.

If you read my piece titled ‘Selfing’ – An ‘Evolutionary’ Way For Navy Wives? , you would have known (if you ain’t from the Navy, that is; else, you would have known without any articles reminding you) that any further neglect of wives by their husbands would eventually force the wives into doing everything by themselves. The husbands are so busy sailing and doing (or not doing) a motley of things on the ships and in the offices that the wives are virtually on their own.

From the comments on that post by my friends I could make out that the situation is no different in the other two armed forces. The percentage of husband’s contribution in the running of the households in the armed forces is what was believed to have been discovered by Aryabhata in the fifth century AD: Zero.

The armed forces personnel’s wives are, therefore, always day-dreaming that a day would come when their husbands would retire (like I did six years ago) and be a man about the house, helping her tackle a number of things that she had hitherto been tackling all by herself.

And, God, satisfied with her relentless prayers, gives her her heart’s desire. He is retired from the Navy and at home, finally.

As she walks by his side, tugging at his shirt-sleeve, and happily tripping over his feet, she wants the whole world to take notice of the fact that finally her husband is all hers and not married anymore to her sauten (a Hindi word that translates into co-wife or the other wife): the Navy.

The entire evening and the night is spent in wistfulness. Late in the night, she, as she revels in his presence in the bed next to her, is filled with those what-if feelings. “What if”, she thinks, “The Navy guys could finish their day’s work at some earthly hours and then I could’ve had more of him”. It starts a chain of thoughts, “What if the Navy would retire its officers early so that they could be of some use to their wives and children?” And so on.

The next morning she is already in the kitchen when he saunters along. “You should have stayed in bed”, she tells him, “I would bring tea for you in the bed”. He ignores it by saying, “No, no, no and no. I don’t want to do that now that I have retired. I want to help, something that I missed doing with all the work the Navy gave me…….ah, what do I see here? A leaking tap.”

She: “You don’t have to worry about that, darling. During the forenoon, the plumber will be coming to set it right”.
He: “Plumber? Plumber? When I, your husband, am around? No, no, no and no (looks like he loves this expression that has been borrowed from his Fleet Commander when he used to suggest he could go on leave). For what do you think I bought that complete plumber’s kit including wrenches of all sizes during my foreign cruise? I shall have this leak behind us within no time.”

She has that look of foreboding on her face, but he, with the sweep of his hand, reassures her: “Darling, do you know anything about NBCD and DC? No, you don’t? Well, NBCD is Nuclear, Biological, Chemical, Defence and DC is Damage Control. We have exercised these on the ships any number of times. A leaking faucet is nothing. Just watch me for a minute and you would know that a Navy man is a plumber, electrician, carpenter, painter, odd-job-man, all rolled into one.

She watches him as he fiddles with the wrench and soon there is water everywhere. To end a long story short, she has to make an emergency call to the Society office to stop all water to the building and send the plumber immediately to arrest leak from a badly broken pipe.

(Pic courtesy: www.flickr.com) — (Pic courtesy: www,flickr.com)

She feels thankful that there was nothing wrong with the cooking gas stove, lest he should have offered to help there too. It could have been serious.

It takes her hours to clear up the mess, what with his helping suggestions on how to clean up. By this time, the jhaadu-bota (broom and mop) bai (maidservant) comes along and the retired husband’s helpful suggestions are now directed at her, through the wife, “You know, darling, during the annual inspection of ships, it was the favourite of the Fleet Commander to lift up the carpets and find dust underneath. I lifted up our drawing-room carpet and found tons of dust under that. I am sure the bai is doing a magnificent job but, I think, I should tell her where all the dust normally settles….”

He has endless suggestions for the cooking maid too, “From very young age in the Navy, ever since I was an AOOD (Assistant Officer of the Day), I have been tasting food in the sailors galleys so that they would get wholesome, well cooked, delicious food. We are experts in this area too. Abhi dekho amma, tum ne kya kiya? Tumane gas on karke pan chadha diya par tumahaare baaki samaan ready nahin. Gas waste jaa raha hai. Ise pehle band karo…..(Now look here, amma, what you did? You turned on the gas and put on a pan but the rest of your stuff is not ready. Gas is being wasted. First turn it off…”

And to the jhaadu-bota bai, “Dusting ghar ke liye bahut zaroori cheez hai. Hamaare ship mein to jo achha dusting karta tha, hum use inaam dete the….dekho wahan chhoot gaya….arre pehle sookhe kapade se aur phir geele kapade se karo na….aur brass shells ko daily brasso karo (Dusting is very essential for the house. On my ship the one who used to do dusting well, I used to give him an award….see, you left some dust there….you should first try a dry mop and then a wet one…. and brass shells need to be shined with brasso everyday)”

(Cartoon courtesy: www.cartoonstock.com)

And in the children’s room, “What do we have here? Watching Television? During our days (another favourite expression of the Fleet Commander), television was allowed only for half an hour each day…..in fact, if I recall correctly, we didn’t have television at all….So what? Napoleon didn’t have television, Nelson didn’t have, Kanhoji Angre didn’t have, Kunjali Marakkar never heard of it….and they still became great…”

And during all this, she goes about doing her work like any other day….not really like any other day since she couldn’t play the music of her choice because he listened to his songs. As it is those stupid Hemant Kumar songs don’t make any sense to her; but, he insisted on playing them over and over again and as loud as they could get. And she decided that if he were to play zindagi kitani khoobsurat hai (How beautiful life is), one more time, she would tell him!

All the helping that he has done the whole day, assisted by the beer in the afternoon and his favourite Navy rum in the night, whilst listening to those idiotic songs, makes him tired and he goes to sleep early with the resolve that next day he’d sort out more things in and around the house.

Late in the night, as she lies awake in her side of the bed, she whispers to God, “God, I had a good thing going for me all this while and I didn’t know about it. Now, do me a favour: Find him a job….. urgently, PLEASE.”

LIFE IS INTERESTING BECAUSE OF WEIRDOS

This article is written in jest only. When we were in the Navy, many of us were at the receiving end of a number of these weirdos’ intended or unintended jest. It is, therefore, alright to recall some of their eccentricities in sheer nostalgia. When you get a rotten tooth pulled out, you sometimes miss the slow ache the tooth used to cause and your tongue goes to the void every-time and feels its absence.

A Weirdo is a person whose dress or behaviour seems strange or eccentric. When I was in the Navy, I came across many such persons; I am sure every profession or group has at least one such person.

It is, sometimes, awkward and embarrassing to deal with weirdos. Many a times, it is downright frustrating. However, in all cases, life is interesting because of weirdos; there is always something to talk about, something to bemoan, something to be amused about.

Why am I reminded of him today? Well, recently (on the 31st May to be exact), we have a new Chief of the Naval Staff. Admiral Sunil Lanba is not a weirdo. I am reminded of the weirdo who nearly made it to the CNS. His weirdness became even more acute when he came to know that he was nearly there (by that unique navigation expression called: time and space) and yet so far (by his predecessor CNS having been kicked out by the last BJP government and thus upsetting the apple-cart or the succession plan for him).

When you become very very senior in the armed forces, succession-plan becomes your favourite plan and you would do anything to have this plan, at least, go your way (like General VK Singh did; please also read: Army Chief’s Age – The Other Issues; Hats Off To General VK Singh; and Indian Army Before And After Operation Vijay). In the last sentence, if you would have noticed, I used the expression ‘at least‘; thereby implying that all your other plans are likely to be thrown out of the porthole the moment you swallow the anchor. This is actually true since most armed forces persons are good at reinventing the wheel (Please read Reinventing The Wheel, Armed Forces Style).

This gentleman, rich in the puss that oozed out of his super-ego, in the OK Corral Model, placed himself in the center of the one-up position (quadrant) with everyone, called by Eric Berne and several other transactional analysis people as: I am OK, You are not OK position. When he talked to any of his men and women, they were made to feel smaller than worms.

He had a reason for every one of his eccentricities. A la Kejriwal style (many years before Kejriwal became a phenomenon), this gentleman had his entire command divided into just two kinds of people: those who were facing Boards of Inquiry and Courts Martial for such serious crimes as having taken a few kgs of extra chicken for themselves or for their ships; and those who conducted these BoIs and CMs (whilst awaiting their own turn for sitting on the other side). He gave the reason for each one of these: ‘If I can’t trust him with chicken, how can I trust him in war?’

Another of his fads was to investigate (more torturous than the Spanish Inquisition) from which of the Ship’s Funds were Greeting Cards paid for; which he termed as “utterly wasteful expenditure”. Most of us had learnt the hard way never to send him any greetings whatsoever. However, youngsters sometimes didn’t know about such embargoes. One of my young commanding officers once sent him a New Year Greeting card. I was immediately summoned to his office to participate in the Inquisition. It went like this:

Rich-in-puss: “What’s this?” (he asked pointing derisively towards the offending card on the table)
Me (Poor in everything including puss): “Looks like a greeting card, Sir”. (I silently prayed that it should be none of my men/women. God, didn’t listen to me that day.)
Rich-in-puss: “It is a New Year greeting card sent to me by your CO_____”.
Me (with resolve): “Give me sometime, Sir. I shall investigate and find out”.

He dismissed me with the sway of his hand, which I was quick to translate as: you can’t be trusted to find out even the most basic things; but, nevertheless, go and do your bit whilst I conduct my independent investigation into this very serious misdemeanour.

Just one hour later I was back. It was obvious from the expression on his face that his independent investigators had also given him similar report. I mentioned to him with unconcealed glee that CO____ had actually purchased the greeting cards with his own money.

My glee was short-lived when I heard him thus, “It is still utter wasteful expenditure. We are living in a country that doesn’t have resources to feed millions of poor or to give them shelter. And here we have CO____ indulging in such ostentatious splurging of money as to send greeting cards. Put a stop to this immediately.”

After returning to office, it was now my turn to summon CO____. I told him: “When the greeting mood ever overwhelms you, as it does with so many human beings who are humane, you should send these to people in all corners of the world but never – please say after me N-E-V-E-R, never – to the C-in-C or any of his friends or kith and kin, near or distant. I also have to discuss the forthcoming sailing and exercise programme with you. But, first let this important lesson sink in with you and we could discuss those relatively less important issues after the sailing tomorrow.”

The Rich-in-puss had indefatigable energy though. Let us say you are CO of a Seaward Defence Boat (SDB) and your SDB is deployed for patrol in the Palk Bay. Lets say you, during this patrol, start feeling really important as a CO with nothing between you and the skies, nothing around and below you but the sea. Suddenly you hear a whirring sound. Lo and behold a Chetak helicopter hovers over you. Who do you see winching down from the helo? You guessed it; the C-in-C himself to remind you of your smallness. As you go to bed that night, one thought that calls for your attention, like the whirring of the helicopter is: there is no escape from God and C-in-C; He is everywhere.

One such incident took place with me too. One day I had an ex colleague of mine who had flown into the port with his Islander aircraft. I was going to sail with my flotilla. I arranged with D to have an Islander sortie with us to exercise avanguard procedure with us (to provide attack information to my missile boats; they with their low freeboards being unable to get target information at long ranges on their own radars). We exercised with D for many runs. At the end of the day, since my ETA (Expected Time of Arrival) at the port was drawing close, I altered the course of the Flotilla to head home. D still had some more time with us. Hence, I instructed D on the net, to provide us with target information in the direction of the port. He insisted on targets in the opposite direction. I thought he was not understanding my intention and hence, over the net, I used my call-sign as Senior Officer to direct him to go the other way. To my frustration, he used a strange call-sign to tell me that he was going ahead with the earlier targets. We went through the call-sign book and found it was C-in-C’s. D told me later that he was on the runway, about to take off for us, when he saw C-in-C’s car approaching. C-in-C got into the other seat and breezily told him, “Lets go”!

I was reminded of a lady complaining to the lift operator, after pressing the button for the lift several times, “Where have you been?” And the lift-operator replying, “Ma’am, where can you go in a lift?” Similarly, we in the Fleet and the Flotilla, were never too far from the Rich-in-puss.

In the definition of a weirdo in the beginning, I had said that Weirdo is a person whose dress or behaviour seems strange or eccentric. You would have noticed that I concentrated only on the behaviour. Here is about the dress.

The dress that was his favourite was Dress #8 or white shorts and shirt and white stockings for officers and blue stockings for sailors. Before he made this dress compulsory for all ships and submarines, the daily orders would read ‘Dress for the Day’ as ‘No.8s/8As’, the latter being with white trousers. Hence. there was a choice given. Rich-in-puss felt that giving choice was akin to losing total control, a la Asrani, the angrezon-ke-zamaane ka jailer in the 1975 movie Sholay. Hence, personnel had no choice but to be wearing it day after day. He himself wore it except whilst sleeping and bathing. Once he called on the Governor of Tamilnadu, Justice M Fathima Beevi, dressed in his shorts, shirt and stockings. She was totally scandalized, she not being used to the nautical manner of dressing. Her tenure lasted for four and half years. She declined to meet any other navy officer during this period lest she should be exposed to further mortification.

Weirdos generally have other outstanding attributes. People like me, for example, grudgingly admitted that he had elephantine memory, remarkable intelligence, professionalism and all other qualities that make great leaders. However, it is a fact that we do remember weirdos more for their idiosyncrasies than for those other attributes. In this particular case, except for the fact that he totally destroyed you in case you ever differed with him, he didn’t mean any other harm to you.

During his farewell, he gave the Command an empty bottle of champagne, glass-cased. He said this was the same bottle that he had with his officers when it was rumoured that he wasn’t making it to a Rear Admiral from a Captain!

Indeed, life is interesting because of weirdos.

LOVE – THE GREATEST FEELING ON EARTH

Love and Life are two four-lettered words about whom volumes have been written by poets and writers alike. And yet, like writing about Nature, God and Beauty, there is always something more to write.

There is a great deal of confusion whether Love is a selfless emotion or the most selfish of the emotions. It is selfless because when you love, in near absolute terms, you come to a point when you are oblivious about yourself, your needs and desires. Amongst the popular lovers of yore, Majnu was so much in love with his Laila that when asked to write God’s name in school, he wrote Laila. He was caned so hard by his teacher (maulvi) that it was feared that his hands would start bleeding. Lo and behold, the hands that started bleeding were those of Laila. Love is so selfless that you can lose your identity in love and assume the identity of your beloved.

“Duniya pukarti hai mujhe tere naam se…”

It is also a selfish feeling since you love a person to the exclusion of others and that person is called ‘my love’, ‘my life’ etc. As the holy book of the Sikhs, Sri Guru Granth Sahib brings out, my is roughly tranlated to ‘haume’ and loving someone to the exclusion of others is like claiming something for yourself and hence has an element of selfishness about it.

A mother’s love for her child has both elements in it: the selfishness and selflessness. A few decades back, in an earthquake in USSR a woman was buried with her child under the rubble for three full days and nights. She kept her child alive by feeding it her blood! It is a feeling of supreme selflessness. However, the feeling with her, “The life that I am saving is my child, my creation, my life, my love. If I die it would die. So I have to keep myself too alive”, is indeed a selfish feeling.

Lets put it this way: would you expect Laila to bleed for the entire humanity? No, she bled for her own love. Would you expect the mother in USSR to do such a sacrifice for other children? No, she would do it for her own children.

Selfless or selfish or a mixture of both, Love brings out the best in human beings. Yes, one has to get rid of ‘haume‘, as per the scriptures. However, the highest attainments of Leadership through Love are only possible if there is ‘haume’ (my-ness or ego) involved. Soldiers lay down their lives for the love of their country. Cricketers win matches, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat by having the feeling of my-ness for their team, province, state or country. Getting rid of ‘haume‘ is to be rid of belonging and attachment. However, if you are rid of it Love dies for everyone except for paramatma (Supreme soul) or God.

So, don’t think too much whether it is Selfish or Selfless to love. If you are thinking of it, you are aware of ‘Self’! It can’t be the purpose of Life to reach back to God. To love one another may also be the will of God.

I have always challenged the oft-held views. In my ‘An Alternate Philosophy of Life‘, for example, I have challenged our obsession with seeking God for ourselves. I have, on the other hand, suggested that we get out of this obsession and think of the society, the way the Westerns do. In India, most people love God but are not so prone to love one another, cleanliness (despite the renewed stress on Swachchh Bharat (clean India), and values. We would if there was some self-interest or ‘haume’ involved in these.

Here are some of the things that I suggest that we love:

1. Love Life. The greatest gift that God has given us is that of Life. We should love ours and those of others. As Indians, when we drive, pardon my saying so, but, it isn’t apparent whether we love ours’ and those of others. Perhaps we should demonstrate it in more ways than the present one of furiously honking and abusing another person off the road. Each one of has the feeling of self-preservation in some degree or the other. Yes, it is selfish to love one’s own life. However, if you don’t love your own and value it, you cannot be expected to value others’. Last year’s Alejandro Inarritu movie The Revenant (a movie that I didn’t like because of its raw and relentless violence) won him the Best Director’s Award as well as Best Actor award for Leonardo DiCaprio. The movie is all about the quest for survival under extreme harsh conditions for Hugh Glass whilst seeking revenge against John Fitzgerald, a fellow trapper who left him (Hugh Glass played by DiCaprio) as dead after stabbing him. Take the opposite extreme, that of a Jehadi or a Mujahid. He doesn’t value his own life and those of others in the mistaken belief that by killing himself and others he would, perhaps, serve some purpose of God. Loving Life is the first signs of gratefulness towards God for having created beings, mountains, plains, rivers, seas, etc.

2. Love Nature. God made the Universe very beautiful indeed. We are part of it and we are beautiful too. However, Nature is more beautiful than all of us individually and collectively. It is our beloved. It is not ashamed to have a bath right in the open and emerge even more beautiful. It doesn’t bore us with the same shape, colour, fragrance and hue all the times. One of the most enchanting things about Nature is that it is forever changing. Just when we feel that we have seen the most alluring part of it, it unashamedly reveals another even more fascinating. Nature reflects the endless attribute of God Himself in case we are used to personifying God.

3. Love Music. It doesn’t matter what kind of music you like or love; be it classical, instrumental, Western, Raaga based, or even punk. However, I would be very suspicious of a person who doesn’t like music and considers all music as jarring noise. Music is the expression of the soul. There must be some expression of your own inner self that finds resonance with some music. My family and I consider life without music to be no life at all.

4. Love Children. God gave us innocence at birth and even before it. We had it when we were children. But then, we plunged into worldly knowledge and lost it gradually. That’s the reason that we, with all our knowledge, are farthest from God and little children with their innate innocence are God-like (Please read: ‘How Unbiased Or Innocent Can We Become?’). Therefore, it makes sense to love the child in you as also to love children.

5. Love Animals. Many of you must have seen the most successful South African movie ever: the 1980 movie ‘Gods Must Be Crazy’. The movie is about the simple bushmen of Kalahari Desert in Botswana who are happy and content with what God has given them until they are exposed to a Coca Cola bottle (symbolic of the modern world) having been thrown close to them from a plane. And now, the single coca-cola bottle is the source of envy, jealousy, anger, frustration and violence that they had never experienced before. The animal world is like the world of the bushmen as seen in the movie. There is no fear, danger, jealousy, greed and guile. If you can’t be in the wilderness, the next best thing to do is to have a pet and then you suddenly start realising that God made all His beings in His own liking. You can’t help loving them. Indeed, nowadays, scientific and psychological studies have shown that loving a pet relaxes you and enriches your life.

6. Love Silence and Privacy. We like Sound. Indeed, we like all sensory experiences of hearing, smelling, seeing, touching and tasting. However, there are experiences beyond the senses and these can be found only in silence both outward and inward. You have to make your surroundings and environment around you silent. In modern-day India, for example, we collectively detest silence and are at home with unfettered noise. Considerable part of it is – hold your breath – devotional (Please read: ‘A Quieter Mumbai – Is It A Pipe Dream?’, ‘Noise Is The Newest Form Of Devotion’, ‘Sounds Of Silence’, ‘State Sponsored Noise’, ‘This Patakhawali, This Bombawali Has Nothing In Common With Deepawali’, and ‘Who Are The “People” Whose “Sentiments Need To Be Respected”?’ ) What kind of devotion it must be that uses noise as a medium and doesn’t respect other people’s privacy?

7. Love the Jawan (Soldier). As long as there is ‘haume’, there is violence. As long as there is violence, someone needs to protect us from being subjugated by violence. That chosen one of God is the Jawan or the Soldier. Whilst others have a profession or vocation, his is a devotion, a sacrifice and way of life. To love a Jawan is to thank him for risking his own life whilst protecting ours. No money, awards, gratitude on earth can ever repay him for what he does 24/7, 365 days in a year.

8. Love India. We Indians are the most vociferous jingoists in the world. We carry our patriotism on our shirt-sleeves for everyone to see. But, do we really love our country? The answer is a big NO. The person who loves his or her country as his or her own home won’t do any of the following, for example:

Dirty it relentlessly and expect someone else to clean up the mess.
Indulge in everyday petty corruption and short-cuts knowing that it makes the country weaker.
Whiling away time at work knowing that the country’s well-being is dependent upon each one of us working at full efficiency and dedication.
Sell the country’s interests both overtly and covertly to the enemies of the country within and without.
Have no respect for the law of the land.

There, I have given you my short list of things that we ought to love as our own and cherish that we were given these to love.

One of my poems ended like this:

Some live to love,
I love so as to live.

Perhaps you can do it too.

BEST OF ‘MAKE YOUR OWN QUOTES’ – ‘I THANK YOU, O’ GOD’ SERIES

It has been a little more than three years since I put up in this blog ‘Best Of ‘Make Your Own Quotes’ and fifteen months since I put up here ‘Best Of ‘Make Your Own Quotes’ – Part II’. In these three years or so since the first blog-post and 38 months since I started with the Facebook Page called ‘Make Your Own Quotes’, a lot has happened. One, from a membership of just 30 or so, the Page has a membership of more than 600 now. Two, I started two series: one, about Leadership Lessons and the second about ‘I Thank You, O’ God’. Both are favourite topics with me. I believe that we have to be thankful to God for whatever He/She/It has given us even when we feel that we haven’t got enough. I sincerely feel that gratefulness is the beginning of the journey into happiness,

Why did I start with the page? As I mentioned in the introduction of the first post, “I noticed that on the Facebook and elsewhere, there is a great penchant about putting up Quotes. These range from quotes about Love, Friendship, Politics, Life; indeed about each and every subject. Whilst reading these quotes I was stuck by the realisation that somehow we have this feeling that the sages, saints and wise-people of the past had abundance of sane-advice on all kinds of subjects; but, by a curious quirk of fate, we ourselves and fellow citizens have nothing great to offer in terms of such advice. When I started analysing this, I reached the conclusion that there is nothing simpler than giving sane advice; the answer is really blowing in the wind; it is everywhere. We only have to gather these pearls around us and weave them in a garland”. That’s how I started this Facebook page called ‘Make Your Own Quotes’ with an introduction: “There is nothing simpler than giving sane advice; you don’t have to follow great teachers. Make your own quotes and let others follow you.”

This venture started on the 25th of Feb 2013 and, as I said, I have finished three years of it and it is still going strong. I have received tremendous interest from friends in these Quotes and I am told that around the world these Quotes are being circulated in all kinds of garbs. I have nothing against these since I shall never be making this into a commercial activity.

I like all quotes on Facebook; these provide quick and easy solutions to life’s seemingly complex problems. I believe life is as simple as Facebook; what you get is dependent upon your “settings”.

I started off by giving tips to people on how to make their own quotes, eg,:

Great Quotes Tip #1: Compare Life, Love, Relationships etc to something mundane and infer “great” sounding advice out of it.Here is an (original example): “Friends should be like electricity wires; opposite poles, running parallel and lighting up lives by meeting”. For effect, inscribe this on a totally unrelated picture of, say, a Frog in a Pond. Wanna try your hand at it; go ahead….nothing is simpler! Try comparing Life to Beans!! Go ahead, now that you have joined this site, you will eventually follow your own quotes!!!

Here is therefore the third tranche of Best of ‘Make Your Own Quotes’, but, on a unique topic of finding reasons to thank God.

I may not be a traditional believer in God, the one who personifies God and identifies with Him or Her with innumerable idols and pictures. In the ‘Philosophy’ section of my blog there are a number of posts about how the current concepts of God and Religion are causing more harm and even evil than the evil these were conceived to eradicate. Of particular interest to readers would be a blog-post titled: ‘Whose God Is It Anyway?’ that I wrote five and a half years ago. I am into God as a supreme force that should guide us, bind us together, keep us from doing wrong and look after us as children. I am also a believer in the concept of ‘Ik Omkar’, a concept given to us by Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji, and which translated means: ‘God Is One’ and hence there isn’t a separate God for Hindus or Muslims or for that matter Christians or followers of any other religion (Please read: ‘Nanak Shah Fakir – The Movie And Its Message’).

Now that I have explained my concept of God, please go through the following quotes as addressed to that God and not to Ishwar, Allah, Jesus or Buddha.

Lets begin.

The first one is something that we take for granted: our five senses; particularly the sense of seeing. Here is what a friend Puneet Narula had to write about seeing: “We went to a restaurant in Singapore called “NOX- Dine in the dark”. You are served in pitch dark (No watches and mobile phones allowed) by visually impaired / blind waiters. Amazing experience. You can feel and eat- can’t see a thing. The food tastes better because your entire focus is on taste and not how beautiful it looks. You realize how lucky we are that we can see, hear, feel and smell. Check out http://www.noxdineinthedark.com/”

I believe that God has really made this world beautiful. However, all the beauty that God made would have been lost on us if God hadn’t given us the good sense to appreciate this beauty. So here is a quote about it:

Thank God, we have been given the ability to smile; to make light of our troubles, burdens and situation. If it hadn’t been for this ability, we would have led and lead such hopeless lives:

We can never, even if we try our best individually and collectively, to thank God enough for giving us the emotion of Love. God gave us Dark, so that we know the importance of Light. Likewise, God gave us all the other emotions so that we would realise that Love indeed is the best:

We are often frustrated, especially in arguments, that the other person has a different point of view. But, what if God had given us all the same way of looking at things. It would indeed be such a dull and drab world:

There is no end to God’s Creation. Just at the time when you feel that you have got handle on some part of it, another world opens before your eyes and other senses. It is pointless trying to see the beginning and the end of the universe as if God’s creation is finite. It would be better to adore its infinity and rejoice that there is enough for us for all times to come:

We feel it is intrinsic and innate. However, we refuse to believe that God gave it to us. There is great merit in believing that God gave it to us since, when the chips are down, and darkness engulfs us, we can ask for more. My own experience is that when I have asked for more, God has given it to me:

The holy book of the Sikhs have repeated mention of this Music that is beyond ears. Even if we talk only about the aural experience (within the reach of our five known senses), it is still heavenly. Who else, but God would have thought of giving us this wonderful gift:

There is considerable debate about what is Right and what is Wrong, about Good and Evil. Since all virtues on earth are relative (Please read ‘Absolute Virtue’), it is quite possible that someone’s Wrong is another man’s Right and vice-versa. However, Reverend Emerson once said, “God, don’t let me prove right with arguments that I know to be wrong.” This quote is about that ability and I sincerely feel that God gave to most of us, if not to all of us:

God gave us Life – a four lettered word. He gave us Love – another four lettered word – and most of us love the life that God gave us. For others, God ensured that another four-lettered word was given to them so that even if they won’t love their current life, they would know that the future would be better. God gave us Hope:

We often bemoan the fact that nothing is permanent in this universe. One form is always evolving into another. In some cases it is so slow that we ain’t conscious of it. However, it surely is changing. Whilst we think of it, many a times, as a bad thing, the fact is that it would have been hopeless if we were to encounter a permanent situation and world:

We require worldly knowledge. However, worldly knowledge also confines us and puts limits on our imagination and innovation (I have several posts on this such as ‘How Unbiased Or Innocent Can We Become?’ and ‘Being Non-Sensical May Be Far Sighted’). A child, in this aspect, is better than us. I am fond of giving this example that when a bus tumbles down a hill in an unfortunate accident, often the children and infants are saved. There is, therefore, merit in looking at things afresh as a child; somewhat different from the pejorative expression: ‘Putting one’s foot in one’s mouth’. Have a look:

The next one is related to it. We sometime feel that we haven’t been given the requisite skills to live and survive. However, the fact is that God has provided for us to live and survive. Here is from Sri Guru Granth Sahib:

“Sail patthar mein jant upaaye,
Taa ka rizk aage kar dharaya,
….Un kavan khilaave, kavan chugaave,
Man mein simran karaya”
(The one who gave birth to creatures in moist rocks,
It provided for their nourishment there too,
…..who makes them feed, who provides for them,
Think about it in your mind)

Here is my quote about it:

The next one is the simplest of the quotes and should have come much earlier:

God made no secret of it. God didn’t send us on a wild-goose chase. However, it has made sure that its own abilities (being the Creator) would be far beyond the sum total of all our individual and collective abilities. Here is the quote that was born out of this:

Yes, there is God, if not as a person or a being, but as a Force or Creator. But, of what use these knowledge had been if God had not blessed us with the ability to reach out to it. And since God made everything, it is conceivable that God only gave this ability to us. Hence lets thank God for having given us this ability:

The concept of God as that Force to whom we can pray to solve our problems provides us with tremendous relief. Just imagine that if we hadn’t invented God we would have felt alone and helpless. Here is the quote for that:

God’s Creation is totally discover-able by us; like they say: Seek and thou shalt find. Here is the quote for thanking God for that:

I have discovered – and I am sure each one of you who is reading this would have – that there is newness in God’s Creation everyday, every hour, every moment. It has been medically established that millions of cells in our body are dying everyday and being rejuvenated. Have a look at this, put up by me on the New Year Day of the year 2016:

We have thoughts and emotions and ideas and we want to convey to others and listen to theirs. Over centuries, various languages evolved to convey these to others and those who understood these languages had not much difficulty in understanding thoughts, feelings and ideas of others. However, there is a language of humanity that God gave each one of us and it is beyond the languages that we ourselves made. This is a language that is beyond verbal and text means. It is the language beyond all senses too. It is a language between hearts. Here it is:

I have maintained that there are more reasons to thank God for than we can think of. We feel that the most precious gift that God has given us is Life. However, each one of us in our lifetime discover that there are many things that God made, for which it is worth giving up life. Taste this:

This is something that most of us discover during our lifetime but many of us never think of thanking God for. The fact is that despite our putting a price on many things – the more precious we feel they are, the more is the price – there are quite a few of the most precious things of life that are absolutely free. Have a look at this:

We fall in the habit of cursing our memory and the oft heard crib is: “I don’t seem to remember many a thing”. We reason it out that all that God had to do was to give us elephantine memory so that we would never forget anything. However, think again after seeing the following quote:

Every once in a while the chips are down for us and we feel that the whole world and even God is lined up against us. I am convinced that God never gives a problem to us without giving us the skills and abilities to solve it. And, it adds to our happiness when we have solved it.

And the last one in this part of the series is about Faith, Hope and Love, the building bricks of the house of our happiness. God is, I am convinced, not like human beings (whatever its shape, size and form be). It isn’t seeking happiness by making us think of it all the while. It is purely in our interest. Hence, if you want to have Faith, Hope and Love without ascribing these to God, there is nothing ungodly about it. That knowledge has also come to you from God that I believe in. I would rather thank it for these since I obtain enormous satisfaction and happiness by thanking it for it:

I am sure by now I have convinced you to subscribe to ‘Make Your Own Quotes’. What do you have to pay for the subscription? Nothing; not a cent, pence or paisa. It is totally free. All that you have to do is to like the Page and these Quotes would be delivered to your timeline automatically. You can, on the page, make your own Quotes and share these too with others. Dozens of subscribers have done it already.

FEAR IS THE KEY

I am fond of giving this example in my talks of a frog having fallen into a pit. A rabbit came there and cajoled the frog to come out of the pit by making all out efforts to do so. The frog just sat there at the bottom of the pit helplessly and resignedly. The rabbit motivated him with frequent shouts of “jump”, “yes you can”, “you can’t spend the rest of your life there” and “think of how nice you would feel when you are out of the pit”. But, the frog made no effort to jump and get out since it had already decided that it couldn’t.

Finally, the rabbit asked the frog what help he required to get out. The frog said that perhaps if the rabbit would fetch a ladder, he would climb up the ladder and come out. The rabbit, good Samaritan that he was, went to fetch the ladder and after a few hours managed to get there with his friends carrying the ladder. They noticed that the frog was happily sitting outside the pit. On inquiry the frog replied, “I thought that I could never come out of the pit by jumping. But, after you went to get the ladder, a snake came into the pit and I had no choice but to jump out”.

Fear is the key. It is that all important motivational factor that leaves you with no choice.

I have a senior, a most respected senior, in security industry who feels that deterrence based on fear of being caught and punished is the basic tenet around which security needs to be built. If people get the message that when they do something wrong (petty theft to huge frauds), they would be caught and punished, “97 percent won’t”. The reverse is also true, in that, 97 percent would probably fall into the temptation of doing something wrong if they felt that there were near 100 percent chances of getting away with it.

We used to have a school-time joke of kids attending a Christmas party. Many eatables were laid out on the tables. One of the kids noticed a sign near the cake plate: Take only one slice, God is watching. He went, next, to the chocolate plate and told his friends: “Take as many as you want; God is watching the cake”.

Of course, as societies evolve, respect for law becomes ingrained even when big brother is not watching. In my former service, Indian Navy, when Captain K Pestonji returned from his deputation to West Germany, he told about motorists waiting at the red lights in the middle of the night even when there was no one to see and theirs were the only cars. Similarly, during the 2004 Tsunami, in Japan, a case was reported of a motorist waiting at the red traffic light even when Tsunami was approaching from behind. An Indian, on the other hand would – nine times out of ten – jump the red lights if he knew there wasn’t a cop or a camera guarding those lights.

Two years back, a friend and I visited Vienna, a city ranked amongst the first ten in the world for tourism. Knowing what to expect there, I told my friend that in a day’s time, he should count the number of cops on the roads. By the end of the day, he was not able to spot a single one. And yet, all traffic and people moved with discipline. But, it takes centuries before one can get to that level of self-regulation. I remember having seen pictures of 1971 New York Power Outage and how people, who were not thieves till that time, helped themselves to all kinds of goodies from the malls since all the cameras were switched off due to the outage.

Whenever we talk about Indians rigorously following all traffic rules in Singapore but blithely ignoring them in India, it comes out that the penalties are universally applied in Singapore and cannot be circumvented by paying the cops chai-paani money. In Indian Chalta-Hai manner, the lack of deterrence promotes taking short-cuts and then that becomes the new law.

And it is not that we don’t have it in our culture or religion to use fear as the key. In Hindu religion, the fear of Death and the Punishment that we would get in Hell for our misdeeds often kept us from doing wrong. Indeed, this is the basic tenet, which keeps us on the right and the correct path. Two years back, I had visited this temple in Gujarat and one of the priests was advising a middle-aged man and his wife on the schemes available for charity in the temple. He said that the basic scheme was for Rupees 1100 but added for effect that the scheme worked only for those who hadn’t done any wrong deed. For those who sometimes indulged in wrong, benefit would be gained by donating Rupees 2100. The man was about to take out the sum and offer when the priest added that he should add Rupees 1100 for the welfare and long life of each child. And then, he came up with the clincher: Rupees 5100 would even look after his soul after death. By the time we left the wife was cajoling the man to dish out Rupees 5100 to ensure safety of children and his soul. The priest would have known that fear is, indeed, the key.

Some of the most well circulated posts on Whatsapp are the ones that tell you that good luck would come your way in case you forwarded it to twenty. However, you would rot in the fires of the hell in case you omitted forwarding. And then these give examples of people and what happened to them when inadvertently they didn’t forward the message to twenty. Of course, you don’t believe in this gibberish. But, you reason it out that there is no harm in passing it to your friends. Fear is the key.

Despite our religious practices and what is contained in our scriptures, we Indians are idealistic enough to believe that people and nations would behave nicely with us if we continue to give them homilies about peaceful co-existence and other such virtues. We are fond of giving the example of Porus, the King of Pauravas who fought Alexander the Great in the Battle of the Hydaspes (Jhelum) in 326 BC and was defeated. Having been captured alive, Alexander asked Porus as to how should Alexander treat him (Porus). Porus seemed to have replied, “As one king treats another”. It is said that Alexander was so impressed by his adversary that not only he reinstated him as a satrap of his own kingdom but also granted him dominion over lands to the north extending until the Hyphasis (Beas).

This idealistic and largely non-realistic philosophy – somewhat similar to telling a lion to convert to vegetarianism because of its mutual benefits – has been practised by us as a Grand Strategy. For decades we are trying to convert our neighbour Pakistan to vegetarianism by such promises as good relations, most favoured nation, and peaceful co-existence. And Pakistan terror groups, very routinely, get away with terror killings of our countrymen. We threaten them with – hold your breath – discontinuation of talks. Fear and deterrence are conspicuous by their total absence. Indeed, the only fear that the cross-border terrorists think of is that since killing Indians in terror attacks is such a cake-walk, they (the terrorists) may not get the 72 virgins (houri) in paradise that they would have got if there was some degree of difficulty involved in such jehadi act.

Of course you cannot fight Terror with Terror as was tried out, quite unsuccessfully in Punjab; Gulzar’s 1996 movie Maachis portrayed the ill effects of state-terrorism let loose on innocent people converting them to terrorism. But, fighting Terrorism with Deterrence brought out by Fear of Consequences is another thing altogether.

Fear can be the key if it is supported by Love and not Terror. You cannot, for example, make loyal personnel in a company, by always confronting them with the fear of losing their jobs; some of the companies, for example, revel in their hire-and-fire policies. The employees, of course, pay back such companies in kind. And suddenly, you find, that they are not afraid to lose their jobs but you are afraid to lose them.

Fear is, of course, the key and is a pragmatic security philosophy. However, in the end, I leave you with two thoughts that shall be covered in the follow-up article:

In some regions of Maharashtra, farmers commit suicide unable to pay back crop loans due to failure of monsoons and other factors. What fear of consequences would work against such people; more so, if they were to be wrongly motivated to perform wrong and even terror acts?
What exactly is the difference between Fear and Terror? At what stage the distinction between Deterrence and Terror would appear to blur.

Let me hear your views in the comments below.

On the lighter side, here is an imaginary (I hope) conversation, on the phone, between a kidnapper and a man whose wife has been kidnapped.

Kidnapper (nastily): We have your wife. We shall not set her free if you don’t give us Five Lakh Rupees.

Man (Matter of fact): And I shall kill you if you set her free!

There is, as you can see, a quick transfer of Fear.

PHILOSOPHIES THAT MAY HELP YOU

At the end of the last year I wrote an article titled: ‘Debatable Philosophies of Life’. I gave you five of them that have become obsolete and don’t make sense anymore.

You may be tempted to ask as to which are the philosophies that would help you. In this article, I have listed some that have helped me.

Philosophy #1 Have a World of Your Own

This follows naturally from the first debatable philosophy: We should be selfless.

It is not possible to be selfless. Hence, make space for yourself where you are by yourself, comfortable, and without having to explain to others the why and how.

Two anecdotes shall make it clearer. One is about our cat Minnie. Out of all the toys that we have for her, she likes an empty cardboard box the first. Every once in a while she goes and sits in her box and imagines that no one can touch her there.

The second one was related to me by an ex army officer during the recent Pathankot terror attack. He told me about the time when he was in a unit in J&K engaged in anti-terrorist operations. One evening, after they returned from an encounter in which two terrorists were killed, he looked down from his room to the river bank where some children were playing in the sand. He watched them for sometime and noticed they were totally oblivious of terrorists or other distasteful things of life. It won’t have mattered to them where they were: in India or Pakistan; their play was much more important to them. It was a world of their own.

Now, I am not suggesting that you become a recluse or isolate yourself from everyone. All I am saying is that you should have a world that you can retreat into when you want.

My world, for example, has music (old Hindi songs) and writing. When I am in this world, for the duration of time that I spend here, the other world ceases to exist even with all its seemingly urgent chores, problems and tribulations.

Try it; it is not escapism. Everyone requires a world of one’s own.

Philosophy #2 Train Yourself Not To Have Regrets

I have proved it in my earlier article about Debatable Philosophies Of Life that the philosophy ‘We shouldn’t live in the past or we should forget the past’ is ludicrous, not pragmatic and is against the progress of civilization through knowledge since all knowledge is essentially past knowledge.

I have also discussed in an article called Absolute Virtue that all virtues in this universe are relative; the only absolute is God. It is the same for evils too. The realisation that neither your virtues and evils nor of any other person or persons on earth are absolute (and can only be better than some and at the same time worse than others) should automatically lead us to the pragmatism of the philosophy that I am suggesting.

Indeed, it is not just a question of more or less; sometimes, it is difficult to make out the difference between good and bad, virtue and evil. As the English say: one man’s meat is another’s poison.

Hence, whilst remembering your past (that you cannot get rid of), you don’t have to have either regrets or false pride; you can be worse off than some and better off than others.

It should also fill you with relatively guiltless existence or life. If you have consciously done what you were convinced was right and good and it actually resulted in a catastrophe for people you know or do not know, you don’t have to constantly or relentlessly curse yourself.

In one of my essays, I have brought out that when Christ on Cross said, “God, forgive them for they know not what they do”, He certainly didn’t mean it spitefully or superciliously. He was conscious that human beings will never have absolute knowledge of the cause and effect of their actions; it would be Godlike if they did.

One can, therefore, keep one’s conscience clear.

In case you haven’t trained yourself, it won’t come to you simply because I suggest. Gradually you will learn to be free of regrets and guilt-feelings. It is a great liberating feeling.

Philosophy #3 Have Least Expectations From People Close To You

You are a good man or woman and you have a world of your own and have not many regrets. However, it gnaws you a lot to know that people are both unreasonable and ungrateful. No matter what you do for them, they do not appear to have any gratefulness at all towards you.

A close friend of mine in the last one year, to his utter shock and horror, found out that the person whose career he had nurtured with his own hands for the last two decades suddenly chose to tell everyone that he had become what he had become due to his own hard-work, professionalism and vision. Now my friend is not the one who is prone to say ‘Et tu Brute’ to all those who ditched him. He is a great leader and a great realist. But, it proved to me that none of us are beyond expectations. The least that we expect is for the recipient of our goodwill to acknowledge and say, “Thank you”.

However, the realisation that being selfish is hardwired into man for his survival over centuries and that to expect a person to see things from your point of view is totally unrealistic should help us to gradually calibrate or moderate our expectations until we bring them to near zero.

Good leaders, for example, do not motivate people by just telling them what they (the leaders and the organisation) would get out of following the leaders’ schemes or plans; but, they do tell them what they (the people) would gain from them.

Your expectations of people become more realistic and viable if you are able to align them with their expectations.

Philosophy #4 Train Yourself To Be Filled With Hope

It is a four-lettered word like Life, Love and Time. Many a times when it sounds most unrealistic (a myth), start believing in it, build stories around it, relentlessly think of it and you will see it works. The fact is that the whole world is a myth too. You are what you believe you are; you see what you believe you see (Please read: ‘The Virtual World’). There is a saying that if you think of a virtue repeatedly; it would soon become yours. Hence, it is possible to be trained to become Hopeful.

Now, you are bound to argue with me that two of the failed philosophies, viz, All men are born equal, and ‘As you sow, so shall you reap’ actually do not leave much room for Hope. People who are meant to get better of you will get better of you, you will argue. Very true; however, Philosophy #2 above: ‘Train Yourself Not To Have Regrets’ should, if followed correctly, should fill you with Hope. We never have complete knowledge of causes and effects concerning us. How can we have this about others? Hope is simply about the wellness of the outcome concerning you. It is not lessened by their doing well too. The more you dream it is all working out well for you, the more it fills you with Hope.

Philosophy #5 Do Not Chase Friends, Love And Happiness

All these three are a natural fallout of social existence of man. How can Happiness be a fallout of social existence, you may ask. Agree; but, chasing Happiness is. Amongst all the virtues that are relative, the one where we do most comparison is Happiness. Many a times people feel happy and content but are saddened by comparison with those that they think have more.

My close friend whom I have mentioned above in the article is fond of telling about officers feeling happy about being given Excellent grading in their annual performance review. However, such happiness is short-lived when they discover that some others whom they regarded as good-for-nothing have also obtained Excellent grading.

Chasing Happiness is like chasing a rainbow; anytime you feel it is close and you can almost touch it, it appears far away. I have come across many people who would have been happy but the chase after Happiness has left them fatigued and sad. I must have Happiness at all costs even if that makes me miserable they seem to say like the Manna De song in the 1974 movie Aavishkaar: Hansane ki chaah ne itana mujhe rulaaya hai (the longing for laughter made me cry a lot).

Chasing Friends is a hobby that one indulges in similar to collecting stamps and trophies; the more one has, the happier he or she would be. Various philosophies are thrown in such as Life without Friends is meaningless and No one understands you better than your friends.

Yes, indeed, Friends are important in one’s life. However, making Happiness dependent upon having them as friends is not called for. At the back of one’s mind should always be the thought that another person on earth is as unique as you are. No one can really be selfless; it is not in the nature of the man. People would naturally be your friends of their interests and needs coincide with yours. Chasing them won’t get you anywhere. The opposite may actually be the result.

Finally, even though Love is the best emotion on earth, chasing Love is unrealistic. It is a bird that would sit at your window when you don’t go hunting for it.

I read a poignant piece by a middle-aged lady who awaits her children visiting her in the same fashion as she used to visit and spend time with her parents. She bemoaned how the very definition of love between parents and children have changed; the latter don’t appear to have time for the former. Love demands a lot of time thinking about the loved ones and spending with them. This lady should have realised that the nature of people is always selfish; only the degree of selfishness changes with people and time. If this lady had somehow read this article and paid heed to my usable Philosophy #1 about building a world of her own whilst concentrating on building one for the children, it would have never come to this pass. Chasing Love, now, or any time isn’t going to help.

There, I have given you my short list of usable philosophies. When you do a thing over and over again, it becomes a habit. God has intended the world to be like this wherein like the earth rotating on its axis and revolving around the sun, each one of us is required to achieve perfection by repetitions. So, first time in case the practice of these philosophies do not come easily to you, do them again and again and your mind, like a trained dog, would follow your command of Go fetch it.

Best of luck.

Category: Life is like that