उन्हें अपने दोस्त से क्या मिलवाया,
वह उसी के यार बन बैठे l
हमें भूलने में ना लगा उन्हें वक़्त,
अब वह उसी से प्यार कर बैठे l
मेरे गीत सुनने में उन्हें आता था आनंद,
पर अब वह उसी का वादन सुनते हैं l
उसकी हर पोस्ट पे देके कमेन्ट,
अपने सपनो का जाल वह बुनते हैं l
उसकी शोहरत, उसकी काबलियत है मैग्नेट,
उन्हें ले गई है मुझसे काफी दूर l
आपने परवाने की हालत तो देखी होगी,
शमा की लौ जिसे कर देती है मजबूर l
चलो अच्छा हुआ अपने ओ पराये की,
इससे तो हो गई जल्द पहचान l
कुछ तो वक़्त लगेगा उन्हें समझने में,
जितनी ऊंची दुकान, उतना फीका पकवान l
चाहे कोई किसी के कितना भी हो नज़दीक,
खुदगर्जी ही है दुनिया की बुनियाद l
आमला बहुत ज़बरदस्त फल है दोस्तो,
बड़े अर्से के बाद भी देता है स्वाद l
सालों के बाद फिर मिलेंगे सब,
अपने उस छोटे से आशियाने में l
टूटने को जिसे दफ़’अतन न लगा वक़्त,
बरसों लगे थे जिसे बनाने में l
हमें क्या, हम तो हमेशा ही इसी तरह,
तसव्वुर में, वफाई में, हुनर में रहे हैं अमीर l
दिल के दरवाज़े उसी तरह खुले हैं अब भी,
रुसूख़ ओ शोहरत के लिए, नहीं बेचते हैं ज़मीर l
Our Raj masi ji was 95 years old. We were looking forward to another five
Raj masi ji and Pal masi ji, the eldest and the youngest
years when we would be celebrating her century; the first in our larger family. It was not to be. An early morning call from Daljit mama ji, on Thursday, 13th June 24, followed a few hours later by a call from our adorable Pal (short for Jaspal) masi ji, confirmed the sad news that Raj masi ji left us. An era ended. Memories remain; these will never die.
Raj masi ji was the eldest of the six surviving children (out of ten) of our Pita ji and Beeji (my maternal grandparents); five sisters and a brother. In Indian middle class families and particularly in Punjabi families, a male child was a sought after asset (many years ago I was shocked to read a news item about female fetuses having been discarded in a well in Patiala). Pita ji’s and Beeji’s family is a proud exception. All of us were and are in awe of Raj masi ji and her sisters. Indeed, we the children bonded in the family largely due to the sisters. I don’t remember a single occasion when one of them was heard talking ill of the other(s) even in private. Some of us have tried (purely in jest), but we soon learnt that driving a wedge between them was more difficult than climbing the Everest.
Picture of my Pita ji and Beeji at Urapur
With the present focus (of education) on acquiring as many degrees as possible, particularly from abroad, lets pause to look at the upbringing and education imparted by my ostensibly anpadh Pita ji and Beeji. I would wish that the kind of values and character that they imparted in their children would be a national pursuit. It is not my aim to go into each one of them. I would take just three that my Raj masi ji and her sisters and brother epitomise: One, being forever truthful (in the most holistic meaning of the word); two, finding and implementing solutions to problems; and three, never shirking responsibility.
The entire family was grief stricken when Beeji died. That’s the time when Raj masiji told her siblings: “Maa tanh meri gayi hai; thuade layi tanh main haan (I am the only one who has lost a mother; for all of you I am still here).” This was far from being a vain promise. Throughout her life, Raj masi ji was a mother to her siblings and a godmother to all of us. This particular sense of responsibility was not restricted towards her siblings but towards the larger family of her husband, too. Indeed, the number of people that she nurtured would easily run into hundreds. And when, all of us could stand on our feet, her attention turned to the grandchildren; they received even more love and care than all of us did. A very, very large family got used to the assurance that individual and collective problems conveyed to Raj masi ji were considered resolved.
Through all this, if you are picturing a sad, burdened, and stodgy person, then you don’t know my Raj masi ji. She, with her joie de vivre, wit, and deep-rooted affection for all who came in contact with her, was easily the life of any gathering. This was to be seen at its best during wedding parties. During Lyn and my wedding, for example, she broke into boliyan and gidda with her sisters; our most cherished memory. Her presence at any family gathering promoted laughter, positivity, warmth, and kindheartedness. Raj (Rule) didn’t rule with a heavy hand; but always gently and with enormous compassion.
Picture of my masad ji and masi ji as found in her parent’s house in Urapur
My masad ji, Inder Jeet Singh, was the most blessed and proudest person. Having Raj beside him was so heavenly that all of us felt it all the time. Their loving togetherness was legendary. They easily found ways and means of supporting each other in every which way. We compared them with the best in Indian history and folklore: Radhe Krishna, Heer Ranjha, and Sassi Pannu. An anecdote comes to mind when our family visited them in Pathankot from our town in Mandi (HP) in the year 1961. There were signs of early morning altercation and commotion between them with such clarion calls as: Masad ji: “Main chhadna nahin hain ajj (I am not going to leave (her) alive)”; and Masi ji: “Main bhi nahin chhadna (I, too, am going to kill (him).” Our family crouched in fear that the unthinkable had taken place with our most beloved couple. It, soon, came out that the target of their rage was a cat who used to enter the kitchen and polish off their milk for the day and they were in hot pursuit of the wily feline.
Incidentally, visiting them was a veritable pleasure next only to visiting Pita ji and Beeji in Urapur. In addition to all the familial gup-shup, and fun and frolic, we used to see movies in special boxes of cinema halls (masad ji was a respected Excise and Taxation Officer). In addition to the movies, we used to be served mouth watering snacks and cold Coca-Cola. Two of these movies left quite an impact on me: Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s Anuradha that we saw with them in Phagwara, and DD Kashyap’s Dulhan Ek Raat Ki that we saw in Dalhousie (at that time in Punjab). The first had music by the Bharat Ratna Pandit Ravi Shankar and the second had music by the maestro, Madan Mohan.
My mother (L) with Raj masi ji (R) on her bed in Ludhiana
I am sure that the hundreds of people who were helped in need by Raj masi ji must be talking about their personal, one-to-one relationship with her (masi ji always made each one of us feel special and the only one); but I would like to think that masi ji had the warmest place in her heart for her sister (my mother) Herkrishan and family. I was the first male in the family who cut off my long hair (now many have); something that Sikhs ain’t supposed to do. After that, when I planned to visit Raj masi ji, I was cautioned by relatives to desist from it. Else (knowing what a devoted Sikh she was), she would launch me into outer space like a rocket. I still went to see her. She was as loving and warm as before after I confirmed when she asked, “Nitnem karda hain ki nahin (Do you (still) say your daily prayers as a Sikh)?”
All hell broke out in the family when I married a Catholic girl from the South. Her name, Marilyn, suggested ultra-modern, self and beauty conscious woman. As I said, masi ji attended the wedding. But, my parents were fearful that after the festivities would get over she would pass her judgment that was expected to be severe and taunting. We went together to India Coffee House at Solan. She had the occasion to see Lyn at close quarters as also to engage her in conversation. After we returned home, and when we were expecting the worst, she simply said, “Mainu pata si Ravi di choice galat nahin hovegi (I knew that Ravi’s choice won’t be wrong).”
Picture shows, from L to R: Lyn, Pal masi ji, Raj masi ji, and my mom (Arjun is the centre of attraction as the newborn boy, two weeks after my dad died)
When my dad died suddenly and tragically of a jeep accident on 01 May 1984, the kind of support that we got from Raj masi ji and my cousins was many times more than what she had earlier done for us. We were totally shattered. She visited us many times in Kandaghat all the way from Ludhiana and provided succour in the form of soft loans, use of her car, physical and moral support. There was a time when I went to her house in Ludhiana to obtain one such loan. Whilst I was there a police raid took place (I learnt later that it was masterminded by someone as political vendetta. The ostensible cause, later proved to be totally unfounded, was that her driver had contacts with terrorists). Neither Raj masi ji nor my cousin lost cool even though it was so humiliating and disturbing as the police went around rummaging and chucking things around. As soon as the posse of policemen left, here is the first thing that Raj masi ji said smilingly, “Shukr hai, Ravi, tere loan de paise safe rahe (thank God, Ravi, your loan money is safe).” On my return bus trip with the loan money, I cried; all through the raid, she could only think of my mother and our dire need.
A small mention about the gifts that were showered on us by her. In addition to buying new things for us, I was the recipient of all the clothes that my cousin (six months elder to me) grew out of. My favourite was a woolen sleeveless sweater. It was given to me when I was just 15 years old. I used it for the next 15 years, first as a pullover and later when it faded, as an inner warm vest. It has, now, holes in it. But, a sweater knitted by my Raj masi ji is more dear to me than the three great honours I received in my naval career; so, it is still with me. Finally, when I meet her in God’s house, I am going to tell her to knit me another.
Raj…what an apt name. All through my life she had raj (rule) over my heart and over hundreds of other hearts. It is unlikely to change.
P.S. I am writing this from Mumbai whereas all the albums with my masi ji’s pics are in Kandaghat (Shimla Hills). I have retrieved some of these pics from the Facebook.
P.P.S. More pics for this piece would be put up when I visit Kandaghat.
आँखों से अब निकल गए हैं जंजाल,
साफ़ नजर आता है उनका ओ अपना हाल l
हम ही क्यूँ हटाएं जो आपस में दूरियां हैं?
हमसे बढ़ के तो उनकी ही मजबूरियां हैं;
बात बात पे उठते हैं हज़ारों सवाल l
रिश्ते एक तरफा तो निभाए नहीं जाते,
रस्ते दलदल में तो बनाए नहीं जाते l
ज़रुरत से ज़्यादा जब बढ़ें परेशानियाँ,
सितम ही लगें जब मेहेरबानियाँ,
तो फ़िर आँखों के पर्दे हटाए नहीं जाते l
जब इरादा हो मुहब्बत को करना हो बर्बाद,
तब निकालनी पड़ती है कोई पुरानी याद l
जिसमें दूसरा साबित हो गुनाहगार,
और हम दिखाई दें मज़लूम और वफादार l
फिर कौन सुनेगा हमारे दिल की फ़रियाद?
ज़ख्म सीने के लिए सुई चाहिए प्यार की,
इल्ज़ाम की नहीं पर रहम के इज़हार की l
अलग अलग होना है बहुत आसान,
एक ही खानदान के बन जाते हैं अनजान,
जिन्होंने मन में ठान ली हो तकरार की l
सुनहरी यादों के रंगीन और प्यारे फूल,
अक्सर नजर आते हैं नाजायज़ और फज़ूल l
पर पिरोए जब इन्हें हमदर्दी के हार में,
तब जाके नजर आयें एहसान के निखार में l
अपनी दिखे इस से पहले देखें औरों की भूल l
Belatedly (before that I couldn’t be spared), I had been sent to the DSSC or Defence Services Staff College in Wellington (Nilgiris) in the year 1990-91 to qualify as a Staff Officer, if anyone needed me.
One of the most important things that you learn during the Staff Course is Appreciation. The process involves looking at the Situation, considering its various Factors and then arriving at likely Courses of Action for the Enemy and then coming up with Own Courses of Action to best counter the enemy.
After the Staff Course, I was appointed to Warship Work-up Organisation (WWO) in Vizag.
One Sunday, Lyn, my wife, asked me to fetch fresh vegetables from Scindia market whilst she was busy cleaning up the house and washing clothes.
I told her that I would as soon as I finished with newly learnt Appreciation about how to go about getting the vegetables.
“What’s there to Appreciate?” She asked me, “All that you have to do is to put down your crossword, put on your foot – wear, start the car and go.”
I told her that one thing that DSSC had taught me was that life’s situations are not as easy as they initially looked and that after a proper Appreciation I would come across best course of action and then make an action plan.
She gave me that look that only she could. Meanwhile, I was applying Principles of War to all available Factors including Flexibility and Surprise.
After sometime I heard the front door bang and decided that she had chosen my best course of action, that is, to go to Scindia market herself to fetch the vegetables.
That enabled me to solve the last clue of the Crossword: India’s ace spinner (7, 6). After unsuccessfully trying Bishen Singh Bedi, Prasanna and Chandrashekhar, it turned out to be Mahatma Gandhi!
However, there was total silence at home. Surely, she could have returned long time ago with the vegetables. And where were Arjun and Arun?
Another fifteen minutes and then I got up since I couldn’t take it anymore. There was no lunch at the dining table. There was only a note that read, “If you have finished your Appreciation and feeling hungry, please join us at the club. Since you didn’t get the vegetables we can all have lunch there.”
And to think that Staff College teaches you that you can apply Appreciation and Principles of War to every situation.
P.S. Those of you who are from Chennai can confirm to me if the girls of Holy Angels are also taught Appreciation and Principles of War because it was she who gave me: Surprise! She had accurately predicted Enemy Course of Action and chosen the best suited for her!
P.P.S. Very soon we had a bonfire when I burnt my Staff College dockets for being impractical!
Adverse situations bring out the best in me. The last time when I was in the hospital seriously ill, I came out with one of my most popular humorous articles: ‘Sleep And I – Lovers Once Strangers Now‘.
Likewise, I had the only surgery of my life performed on 12 May (except for an excision biopsy performed forty-one years ago). It was an open surgery and not a laparoscopic one. I was given a spinal anaesthesia whilst the doc and his assistant operated on my inguinal region.
The docs at the Apollo Hospital had told me it was “a semi-emergency”. However, they had refused to perform it saying that surgeries were not open to ECHS (defence) patients. Hence, I had to fall back on good old friends in the oldest hospital in Mumbai: INHS Asvini. When Kokilaben Hospital was inaugurated by the PM Narendra Modi, they erroneously ascribed to themselves the title of “the oldest hospital in Mumbai”. INHS Asvini is older by more than 150 years.
So, there I was, wheeled into the operation theater and a spinal anaesthesia given to me so that the inguinal region and region below it became numb for pain.
In order to make it easier to pass time I was chatting with the anaesthetist at my head, a Keralite. It was about ninety minutes of surgery and when we came to near the end of the operation, I mentioned to him how beautiful Kerala is.
At this, the treating doctor’s assistant (a Tamil) told me jovially, “Sir, you may like to decide what is more beautiful: Kerala or Tamilnadu before I suture you up.”
My anaesthesia got worn out by that time and I saw the beauty of Tamilnadu in a new light.
The suturing up was completed happily after that! Fresh Local anaesthesia was given but even the anaesthetist agreed with me I had made the right choice!
The doctor’s assistant had given a new meaning to the phrase: ‘Beauty is but skin deep.’ My skin was made intact again and I saw beauty where I had failed to notice it earlier.
Looking back, I can’t even imagine my wife Lyn (short for Marilyn) did this. (Please read: ‘Lyn And I – Scene By Scene‘)
Mohan Ram Sir would vouch for it that his country cousin is as pious and innocent as they come. She is as far from being cunning and extra smart as Coimbatore is from Chicago.
l left her in the Kotah House Mess in New Delhi when I went on deputation to Spain. I told her that we appeared to be near the top of accommodation roster and she won’t have to suffer the Kotah House outhouse (initially meant for Raja of Kotah’s domestic staff) too long as we would be allotted a house soon.
“How soon?” She asked me before I boarded the Air India flight to Madrid.
“Latest by a month” I told her confidently.
She waited for a month and still no accommodation.
She put Arjun (not yet four years) and Arun (not yet two years) in an auto rickshaw with her and went to see the CAO (Chief Administrative Officer) of the rank of Major General or Joint Secretary.
After checking up, he confirmed that I was indeed on top of the roster and would be allotted a house as soon as it fell vacant.
Sounds like a reasonable response? Well, not to Lyn since in the last four weeks, on phone, she was given the same excuse again and again.
“Alright, Sir”, she told the General, “We can wait. But, since we are on the road, perhaps we can stay in your office until then.”
The Maj Gen looked up and saw Arun had already gone to sleep on his sofa and Arjun was actively converting all available papers in vicinity into planes and boats.
He shuddered at the thought of Ravi family converting his office into their home.
To cut a long story short, by evening the three of them shifted into A – type accommodation overseen by Maj Gen’s personal representative. Amongst other things he had given instructions to attend to small and big defects lest she should take another auto-rickshaw to visit his office.
We have a Facebook group called Yaad Kiya Dil Ne (YKDN). It is a group for songs and music. For most people on Facebook, a group is just a group of like minded people engaged in a common activity. For us, YKDN is akin to a family; everyone is emotionally involved.
This year due to continued lock-down since 25 Mar, it wasn’t possible to have our Annual Live Fest at Kandaghat. Most of us were saddened.
There is a saying that ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going’. I have often been teased and taunted because of my devotion towards my sisters in the YKDN family. No more; because, my sisters came to our rescue. My behna Manik Lakhkar Chava came up with an idea that a Fest could be held on Video Conferencing. And who was there to execute this idea? Well, my sister Suman Saxena. Even though Manik was already networking with her larger family on Zoom, Suman suggested that Zoom wasn’t a reliable application. She suggested Go To Meeting and diligently went about inviting and netting people to a Fest on Video Conferencing on Sunday, 26 Apr 20.
Whilst it was sheer hard-work for Suman, very quickly the excitement started building up. We decided on the following:
The Fest would be an occasion to pay homage to Jaswant Singh Lagwal whom we lost prematurely and tragically on 25 Mar 20. He is survived by his wife Kavita (who has often cut the YKDN cake during our meets, she being the youngest) and sons Niraj and Pankaj.
Since Jaswant was a great fan of Dharam paaji (actor Dharmendra), the songs selected for singing by us would be Dharmendra songs.
This is how we went about it preparing for the Fest:
We formed a Whats App group that we named FOG or Fest Op Group and made Suman and Manik Admins of the group in addition to me. All those participating were made as members of the group. Unlike all other groups that are formed for specific purposes but finally come down to being just social groups, it was decided and made clear that this group would be used only for operating instructions of Fests.
The programme was planned. It was decided that during the first one hour we’d stick to paying homage to Jaswant and later on we would have an off-the-cuff sing song session.
The first one hour was to have six songs including our group anthem ‘Yaad kiya dil ne kahan ho tum’. I downloaded the Karaokes for all the songs and shared with other so that we’d be on common footing.
For the final group song ‘Yeh dosti hum nahin todenge’, I made a video with pictures of Jaswant and family and shared it on You Tube.
I also made a poem for him titled ‘Yeh dosti hum nahin todenge.
Suman, meanwhile, was busy in networking all participants on Go To Meeting. Most people were to use it for the first time. She, therefore, with great patience and thoughtfulness sorted out people’s individual and collective problems.
We even invited Jaswant’s family to join.
Finally, the day arrived. We started netting in from 3:30 PM and soon had the following: Amit Lambah, Anil Koshti, Anila Bhatia, Anindya Chatterjee, Ashwani Khanna, Ashwani Sharma, Jojy Kunchattil, Maj Vishwas Mandloi, Manik Lakhkar Chava, Milind Madhav Hastak, Mona Maharaj Singh, Nimmi Iyer, Nikkilat Bajwa, Nitin Shringarpure, Pavan Malhotra (he left half way through), RPS Josen, me, Raj Dutta (he left soon after joining), Rajendra Kumar Tandon, Rekha Mittal, SK Iyer, Sukhvinder Deol, Suman Saxena, Sumedha Nair, Sumona Jaswant Grewal, Surekha Saini, Surinder Grewal, VIS Bal, Vipan Kohli.
All the participants could make it and at one time we had 33 participation points. Since most people were with their spouses, we had a gathering of more than 40 people. Most people had earlier physically participated in one Fest or the other except for Milind Madhav Hastak, Nitin Shringarpure, Pavan Malhotra, Raj Dutta and Sumona Jaswant Grewal. Jaswant’s family couldn’t join in. However, the complete recording of the Fest was sent to it.
This is how we went about it:
I welcomed all participants and recalled milestones in the life of Jaswant Singh Lagwal ending with his sad demise on 25 Mar 20. I read out the poem especially made for the occasion: ‘Yeh Dosti Hum Nahin Todenge‘.
Jaswant Singh LagwalVenkat Gullapalli
We had a one minute silence for him as well as for Evani Leela’s younger brother Venkat Gullapalli whom we shockingly lost just two days before the Fest, on 24 Apr 20.
We began with a round of applause for Manik and Suman who conceived the Fest and made it possible.
We sang the YKDN Anthem: Yaad kiya dil ne kahan ho tum. In the last five years of Fests, whenever we commenced a Fest we have always sung this song put together by Hasrat Jaipuri, Shankar Jaikishan, Hemant Kumar (singing for Dev Anand) and Lata Mangeshkar (singing for Usha Kiran) for the 1953 Amiya Chakrabarty movie Patita.
We sang the song Ek haseen shaam ko (Raja Mehdi Ali Khan, Madan Mohan, Mohammad Rafi) for the 1966 DD Kadhyap movie Dulahan Ek Raat Ki starring Dharmendra and Nutan.
For the next song Pal pal dil ke paas tum rehati ho, Suman had shared an audio of the song sung by Jaswant himself. Originally, it was sung by Kishore Kumar on the lyrics of Rajinder Krishan and composition of Kalyanji Anandji for the 1973 Vijay Anand movie Blackmail starring Dharmendra and Rakhee.
The next song to sing was very nostalgic for us: Gaadi bula rahi hai seeti baja rahi hai. It was sung by Kishore Kumar for the 1974 Dulal Guha movie Dost on the lyrics of Anand Bakshi and composition of Laxmikant Pyarelal. When Jaswant came to know that his favourite Dharmendra was in the train from Shimla to Kandaghat when this song was sung in the movie, he reenacted the song whilst arriving for the 2018 Kandaghat Live Fest.
The next song to sing was Aaj mausam bada beimaan hai from the 1973 A Bhim Singh movie Loafer starring Dharmendra and Mumtaz (Anand Bakshi, Laxmikant Pyarelal and Kishore Kumar). By this time we had discovered that synchronization with so many people singing simultaneously was making the song fall flat. So, we decided that we would allow individual singers to sing whilst others would mute their microphones. This song was sung by Mona with RPS Josen joining in.
The last group song from 1975 Ramesh Sippy movie Sholay starring Dharmendra, Amitabh Bachchan, Hema Malini, Jaya Bahaduri, Sanjeev Kumar, Amjad Khan, Asrani and Jagdeep had Jaswant’s video shared with everyone. Most had moist eyes.
After completing the planned programme as above, it was decided to give individuals a chance to sing. The following sang and sang rather well: RPS Josen, Rekha Mittal, SK Iyer, Nimmi, Mona, Jojy Kunchattil, Surinder Grewal, and Ashwani Sharma.
In the end, another round of applause was called for Manik and Suman. Mona said a few thoughtful words from all of us for Jaswant and Kavita. Everyone agreed that the Fest was a great success especially with all the restrictions during COVID 19 Lockdown.
There were, of course, a few lessons for future Fests with video conferencing:
Group songs with a number of participants is not a viable option since there are insurmountable problems of synchronization.
People need to maintain group discipline in that they should mute their microphones when not speaking.
For singing in built microphones of the computers and cellphones are not the answer; one requires good compatibility external microphones.
Those who couldn’t attend the Fest can download the complete recording of the Fest by clicking on the following link:
In addition to thanking Manik and Suman for the video conferencing idea, permit me to thank all participants for their enthusiastic and meaningful participation in this unique Fest.
We lost our friend Jaswant Singh Lagwal on 25 March 2020. Here is what I wrote immediately as the news of his sad demise reached us:
यारों में यार मिला जसवंत लगवाल,
हालांकि उसके संग बिताएं हैं थोड़े ही साल।
पर दिल में बसा है यह गहरा ख्याल,
अपने दिल की अमीरी से उसने हमें किया मालामाल।
उसके चेहरे पे हंसी हर वक़्त रहती थी खिल,
दिलकश रौशनी उभरती थी जब वह जाता था मिल।
उसके बगैर जीना हमारा हुआ है मुश्किल,
उसका अंदाज़ रहा है सुहाना और कातिल।
हमारी हंसी तुमसे थी अब आंसू देखो हमारे,
अपनी ही बात नहीं कर रहा मेरे संग हैं सारे।
याद रखेंगे तुम्हें जब तक हैं चांद और सितारे,
किसी तरह जी लेंगें तुम्हारी यादों के सहारे।
गए हो तो सुन लो हमारी छोटी सी फरियाद,
वही मुस्कराता चेहरा दिखाना जब तुम आयो याद।
दोस्ती तो रहेगी अज़ीज़ जाने के भी बाद,
हर YKDN Meet में बना रहेगा तुम्हारे होने का स्वाद।
In short Ye dosti hum nahin todenge…
Yaaron mein yaar mila Jaswant Lagwal,
Halanke uske sang bitayen hain thode hi saal,
Par mere dil mein basa hai gehra khayal,
Apne dil ki ameeri se usne hamen kiya malamaal.
Uske chehre pe hansi har waqt rehti thi khil,
Dilkash raushni ubharti thi jab woh jaata tha mil,
Uske bagair jeena hamara hua hai mushkil,
Uska andaz raha hai suhana aur kaatil.
Hamari hansi tumse thi ab aansu dekho hamare,
Apni hi baat nahin kar raha, mujh sang hain saare,
Yaad rakhenge tumhen jab tak hain chand aur sitare,
Kisi tarah jee lenge tumhari yaadon ke sahare.
Gaye ho to sun lo hamari chhoti si fariyaad,
Wohi muskarata chehra dikhana jab tum aao yaad,
Dosti to rahegi azeez dost jaane ke bhi baad,
Har YKDN mein bana rahega tumhare hone ka swad.
Guess what? Two weeks after the Cholesterol joke and cartoon, there will still be guys who have got it the first time. Somewhat similar to boys and girls who figure out how to masturbate, the guys who got it ‘the first time’ are excited and want to share with their friends not knowing that the guys are up to their necks with Chole and Sterol having the wrong spellings for Bhature.
What exactly is a Forward? Anything and everything that you or someone shares from the net, which is not your own writing, is a Forward. Such Forwards include nearly 100 percent of all Good Morning messages, jokes, cartoons, poems, songs, and even opinions such as political.
Knowing the kind of damage that these are doing to our society (dumbing down as never before) I wrote two essays:
We know about the dumbing down. We know about the enormous damage. But, as brought out in the essays, we find it very convenient to push the Forwards further. Indeed, some even take credit for having found them in the first place and hence being worthy of comment and appreciation. There is a sizable number of people who justify pushing Forwards through one argument or the other; eg, “These are harmless and easy way to start the day rather than having to go through other people’s Gyan (translated it means Knowledge but what we intend is Bullshit) early in the mornings.”
Forwards are also meant for people who are in a hurry (Fast Food types) and who just don’t have time for reading anything original. These are more than ninety percent of all people. WhatsApp, for them, is a quick way to socially connect and they don’t want to waste their time on reflection before commenting.
So then, we can conclude that the popularity and lure of Forwards are unlikely to die down. If hundreds of years after the advent of religion, people haven’t reflected upon whether it is still meaningful and sensible, they are unlikely to be swayed by arguments against WhatsApp Forwards. And currently, these Forwards are more attractive than Sermons on the Mount.
Therefore, we can at least have some rules about Forwards and that’s why this essay. Here are they:
1. Verify the Facts before Pushing Forwards. Even though you are hard-pressed for time (it is another thing that you are almost perpetually on WhatsApp) you would find that verifying facts is always a revelation. For example, I came across a post about a popular song of the lyricist Shailendra that was claimed to have been used in a movie much earlier than it was known to us. On the second round of it being pushed, I merely rang up Dinesh, Shailendra’s son, and came to know that this post was a hoax. Take the recent case of Prime Minister Modi collecting garbage from a beach in Mamallapuram whereat he was to have an informal summit with the Chinese President Xi Jinping. People were impressed with the sincerity of the gentleman towards Swachh Bharat until three days later there were the following pictures pushed by the other party:
These pics were accompanied by a message that the PM was grandstanding for the mediawhereas the beach was already combed for garbage much earlier. Now the entire lot was swayed in the opposite direction until it was revealed by India Today that Karti Chidambaram had cleverly used the unrelated pictures above to show Modi down(Please read: ‘Fact Check: Karti Chidambaram posts unrelated image from Scotland with plogging pics of PM Modi‘). But, Karti Chidambaram must have convinced people – at least those who are die-hard fans of the Congress – that Modi is a fraud. There is, therefore, always a need to check the veracity of the facts enumerated in the Forwards. It doesn’t take too much time.
2. Caption the Videos being Forwarded. Nothing takes as much space in cellphone memory and as much of people’s time as plodding through videos only to find that either these weren’t worth seeing or, worse, you had already seen and downloaded these earlier. When you press down on the video and use the right arrow to Forward it, you have to now select up to five individuals or groups to forward it to. After you have selected these and press the Send arrow, it would go without any caption from you. However, if you Forward it from your Gallery, after selecting the people that you want it to be sent to and before you press the Send arrow, you have a choice to ‘Add a caption…’. At this juncture, you have the public duty to tell your recipients as to what this video is all about. About an year ago, I stopped looking at all videos without captions and I never forward videos without an introduction from me. Hence, if I am one of the recipients, it is even more important that you caption it. If you write an introduction about the video just before sending the video, that would suffice too.
3. Always Date Tag the Forwards and Check If A Forward is Still Current. Many posts are date and time dependent. These are not current for all times to come simply because you can push these at a date and time of your convenience. As an example, two days ago (12th Oct 2019), someone shared a post with the title: ‘Today is Mirza Ghalib’s 220th birthday. Lovely lines from Mirza Ghalib…’. This anniversary was on 27 Dec 2017 and naturally this post was considered current for nearly two years after the anniversary.
4. Reflect Before You Opine. You feel that there is an urgency to comment on a Forward lest you should miss the opportunity later. Your excuse is: “After all, I get thousands of posts everyday and I can’t be expected to reflect on issues.” This is exactly the mindset that makes the society dumbed down. Don’t post off-the-cuff remarks and something you only feel strongly about without knowing facts. Satisfy that you are adding value to the post and not just letting people know how astute you are. As an example, if someone has forwarded a post about some new facts that have surfaced about Einstein’s Relativity of Time Theory, your this comment is adding no value to it: “Ah, I just love Einstein. He was great. There was a time when I couldn’t sleep without reading a chapter of Relativity of Time. I would still read it if I could get a little more time. But, you know how times change.”
5. Don’t Comment on the Thumbnail Only but Read the Article and Comment. When we were in Staff College, we were required to write Book Reviews of nominated books and then present these in the Syndicate. One of the officers – call him Cdr A – presented a book review and it sounded great. Well, until, during questioning, the Syndicate DS brought out that he had merely copied the back cover of the book and hadn’t read the book at all. What was true for Cdr A is true for a large percentage of readers on Social Media. They comment on the thumbnail of the article without reading it at all.
6. Write Something of Your Own at Least Once in a While. Yes, with the Forwards you are winning a lot of popularity, eg, “Your Good Morning messages are really very beautiful.” However, do think if you ever wrote something of your own. Let me give you an example. There was a time when in the Navy we used to present in-house talent during the Navy Week Balls or for that matter even during stage-plays and cultural programmes. Nowadays, a lot of sponsored money is spent on hiring artistes from here and there including from the Hindi films industry (I don’t like the bastardized word: Bollywood). A lot of other people and I still long to have the sense of belonging by presenting or seeing in-house shows. Your Forwards have as little sense of belonging as those sponsored programmes.
That’s it from me, then. I am sure if we follow these simple rules, something can still be salvaged from Forwards.
Suddenly you find a friend is gone,
Of almost the same age as you.
Why couldn’t he live to see another dawn?
You look for but find no clue.
Life appears so uncertain,
You don’t know when it’d be curtain.
Why couldn’t God give us eternal life?
Why people have to prematurely die?
Why does He give us struggle and strife?
And make those left behind to cry?
No one has found answers to these,
You go like a candle snuffed in breeze.
However long you live, my friend,
Life would always appear to be short.
Whatever is given, you can’t extend,
This fact no one can distort.
So greet and enjoy each day,
As if it is the last of your stay.
There should be no unfinished tasks,
No reason to have regret.
And before the Angel of Death asks,
There should be no unpaid debt.
The fact of Life we all know,
One day we all have to go.
Whatever life is given to us,
We need to value each day.
Let it not be said we missed the bus,
In waiting for happiness to come our way.
Love and live and live and love,
And leave the rest to God above.
There is a saying that ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going’. I have often been teased and taunted because of my devotion towards my sisters in the YKDN family. No more; because, my sisters came to our rescue. My behna Manik Lakhkar Chava came up with an idea that a Fest could be held on Video Conferencing. And who was there to execute this idea? Well, my sister Suman Saxena. Even though Manik was already networking with her larger family on Zoom, 
Suman suggested that Zoom wasn’t a reliable application. She suggested Go To Meeting and diligently went about inviting and netting people to a Fest on Video Conferencing on Sunday, 26 Apr 20.
The Fest would be an occasion to pay homage to Jaswant Singh Lagwal whom we lost prematurely and tragically on 25 Mar 20. He is survived by his wife Kavita (who has often cut the YKDN cake during our meets, she being the youngest) and sons Niraj and Pankaj.
a movie much earlier than it was known to us. On the second round of it being pushed, I merely rang up Dinesh, Shailendra’s son, and came to know that this post was a hoax. Take the recent case of Prime Minister Modi collecting garbage from a beach in Mamallapuram whereat he was to have an informal summit with the Chinese President Xi Jinping. People were impressed with the sincerity of the gentleman towards Swachh Bharat until three days later there were the following pictures pushed by the other party:
ople’s time as plodding through videos only to find that either these weren’t worth seeing or, worse, you had already seen and downloaded these earlier. When you press down on the video and use the right arrow to Forward it, you have to now select up to five individuals or groups to forward it to. After you have selected these and press the Send arrow, it would go without any caption from you. However, if you Forward it from your Gallery, after selecting the people that you want it to be sent to and before you press the Send arrow, you have a choice to ‘Add a caption…’. At this juncture, you have the public duty to tell your recipients as to what this video is all about. About an year ago, I stopped looking at all videos without captions and I never forward videos without an introduction from me. Hence, if I am one of the recipients, it is even more important that you caption it. If you write an introduction about the video just before sending the video, that would suffice too.
