Category: Humour

This anecdote has been reminded by my former Engineer Officer of INS Vipul: Syed Shahid Raza. This was his comment on my post ‘Viraat Ship’s Commander Overboard!’:

“Lovely Sir. Proud to have served under you on-board Vipul. The ward room of Vipul had also similar sentiments everyday. All officers only used to think about next day 10 Km early morning jog with you always beating all of us. Also remembered how you managed to bring all of us back in time for Navy Ball after 60 day operational deployment.”

The “similar sentiments” that he is talking about is if good fortune would come their way on Vipul and I would suddenly go ‘missing‘, as I did on Viraat! Regrettably for them, it didn’t happen.

We had a forward deployment in the Gulf of Kachchh due to our North-West neighbour’s intransigence in the year 1993-94. Life was tough and more so because of the CO – that is, mine – exacting standards. It was all building up in their minds, hearts and guts.

Generally, if the Wardroom officers want to tell the CO something obliquely, they come up with occasions to drink. After a few drinks, all such talk as would show the light of the day to the CO, would be automatically condoned or charged off to that beautiful phrase: “under the influence of alcohol he said it, but otherwise, he is a very fine guy”.

Now the problem was that their CO, that is me, was off drinks. Anyone of them was ready to bell the cat but the big-cat wasn’t giving them the opportunity.

Now, it would be a heartless Captain who doesn’t sense it all building up and I was anything but heartless. So, one fine make and mend afternoon, in Okha Harbour, when they invited me to the Wardroom to have a drink (“Sir can have nimbu-paani”), I went prepared. It didn’t take considerable cajoling from them for me to accept “just one glass of beer, Sir, only to keep company”.

Amongst the biggest lies or deceptions in the world is the expression: “just one glass of beer”. It is like saying: “just have one peanut”. Hence, one thing led to the other and by about 3 PM, we were competing with Viraat (seen in the background of Vipul in the picture) for launching – not aircraft – but, us into the air. And that’s when slyly (as planned by them), the talk began: “You are a very fine CO Sir” began the XO, in the manner of a great chess player moving Queen Pawn to d4. I expected the next move (of Queen’s Gambit) to begin with a ‘but’ and sure he didn’t disappoint me, “But, Sir, you need to relax and let go a bit……I mean, you are tough all the while……Steward, please fill up Captain’s glass….thank you”.

Well, many of you have been CO’s and you know the rest of the story. They insisted that I should have lunch too with them and I agreed. They had got it off their chests and I was happy for them.

But, now, it was my turn to invite them. And I did: “Okay, guys, we have had ‘just one glass of beer together‘ and I joined you in the activity that brings you loads of fun. Now, this evening, why don’t you join me on the jetty, in games rig, in my 10 Kms evening run?”

What happened during the evening jog? Any guesses? Most of you (the young guys, that is) won’t have seen the 1948 movie Pyaar Ki Jeet (What an apt name). In this movie, there was a very popular song penned by Qamar Jalalabadi and composed by the first music duo of Hindi films: Husanlal Bhagatram. It went like this:

इक दिल के टुकड़े हज़ार हुए,
कोई यहाँ गिरा कोई वहाँ गिरा I
बहते हुए आँसू रुक न सके,
कोई यहाँ गिरा …
(For those who cheated in their minimum Hindi test:
Ik dil ke tukade hazaar huye,
Koi yahan gira koi wahan gira.
Behte huye aansu ruk na sake,
Koi yahan gira…..)

P.S. When you go on long-distance runs, a time comes when hormones called endorphins are secreted within the brain. These activate body’s opiate receptors and the overall effect is as if being intoxicated. I should have told them this scientific fact so that they need not have wasted beer to be intoxicated!

This was published in the Navy Foundation Magazine ‘Quarterdeck’ 2014.

Bimal Roy’s 1961 movie ‘Kabuliwala’ had its story adapted from a story by the same name by Nobel Laureate Rabindra Nath Tagore. The movie was directed by Hemen Gupta who had been private secretary to Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose. The movie had a famous number sung by Hemant Kumar: Ganga aaye kahan se, Ganga jaaye kahan re. Families of the commissioning crew of the second of the Godavari class (modified Leander class) ships, named after India’s holiest river, INS Ganga, must have sung the opening lines of this song many times during the one and a half years after commissioning that I remained on board as Signal Communication Officer.

Ganga was in a hurry everywhere, even to be commissioned. Normally, ships of a class follow their pennant numbers sequentially from the first one of the class. But, Ganga would have none of it. After F20, Godavari, it suddenly overshot F21, Gomati and got commissioned as F22 on 30^th December 1985.

Visiting a ship before commissioning fills you with strange feelings. We used to visit her regularly at Mazagon Docks. A ship being commissioned is not unlike a baby being born; gradually it takes shape in its mother’s womb, the yard, and then slowly starts kicking around. For me it was a prolonged association with the Godavari class since I was a part of her Trials Team at WATT (B) (Weapon Acceptance And Trials Team (Bombay)) and undertook the trials of communication and electronic warfare compartments, and harbour and sea trials of the equipment. The CO designate, Captain KK Kohli, wanted the ASW Officer MS Shekhawat and I to continue in WATT as long as possible and we undertook most of our own trials and ensured we got the best. We even put through some much needed modifications.

But the comparison to a new born baby ceases a few days before commissioning. It now becomes like the rehearsal of a play. I have directed and acted in a few and hence I am aware that on the night before the final staging, you can’t believe you have finally got the act together. Similarly, in our case, we were to be commissioned by the Prime Minister Shri Rajiv Gandhi on the 30^th Dec 1985. On the night of 29^th/30^th Dec, we couldn’t believe Ganga would finally be commissioned the next day. There were cables lying around, last minute painting to be done, woodwork wasn’t yet over and there was dust, confusion and overalled men everywhere.

However, came the dawn of 30^th and everything was suddenly ship-shape: the brass gleamed, the floors were waxed and shining, and there was sudden freshness and neatness around. On the morning of 30^th, as I reached on board in ceremonial rig, I felt that the ship was, in this respect too, exactly like the holy river Ganga: it remains holy and sacred, hiding in its depth all that’s thrown in it.

This was the second ship after Godavari whose commissioning I watched at close quarters. For men in uniform, commissioning signifies the transformation of the ship from mere skeleton and flesh put together by the Yard to having its heart and soul put into it by the men who are going to have it as a second home, sail on her and take her the harm’s way.

This distinction is as curious as it is fascinating. The men who build the ship work under challenging conditions. One slip by them in, say, welding, can result into serious incidents and fatalities. They too have a sense of belongingness with the ship over (in our case) years of pre-commissioning period; a period when there is no power, no air-conditioning, no water, no order and nothing good to look at. And yet, as soon as the ship is commissioned, we tend to forget them and reason it out with ourselves that the ship didn’t belong to those “uncouth”, “grimy”, “paan-chewing” and “bidi-smoking” workers and supervisors.

I was much younger then, restless and impatient and admittedly didn’t have these emotions that I have now. But, later, when I commanded INS Aditya, the Fleet tanker, as the second Commanding Officer, I sailed her to GRSE (Garden Reach Shipbuilders and Engineers) for her GRDD (Guarantee Repairs and Dry Docking). As we approached the berth in the Yard, the entire workforce that had built the ship and commissioned it just about a year ago watched her on her homecoming from all nooks and corners of the Yard. Many of the ordinary workers and foremen visited the ship so as to share in the pride of having built the longest ship (172 metres) that could negotiate the Hoogly river.

Returning to Ganga’s commissioning, after the commissioning warrant was read out by the Captain and the ship’s commissioning pendant, national flag and naval ensign broke out, we stepped on board and felt that now she was she, a living being, pulsating with the power of machinery and weapons. The Indian designers had done wonders; she was the second ship of her tonnage (3600 tons of standard displacement) to carry two large Seaking 42B Helicopters on board that gave her tremendous advantage in ASW and anti-ship warfare. The ship was fitted with the latest and wholly indigenous Composite Communication System (CCS), a feather in the cap of Bharat Electronics and indigenous APSOH Sonar. It was the first ship in the Indian Navy to have Selenia IPN 10 Combat Data System as also INMARSAT. Together with its weapons of four P22 anti-ship missile launchers, one OSA-M SAM launcher, two 57mm anti-ship, anti-shore twin guns, two ILAS3 triple launchers for A244S ASW torpedoes, and four AK230 AA guns, it carried a deadly punch. We felt proud to step on board.

As the Captain escorted the Prime Minister for a walk around the ship, we were closed up on the equipment in our compartments. I was on INS3, the latest Electronic Warfare system from Selenia, Italy. My heart-beats were increasing as Shri Rajiv Gandhi approached the EW Compartment on the back of the Ops Room. I briefly explained the equipment to him and even after nearly three decades, I still remember the question he asked me, “Can it detect and jam frequency-agile radars?” All of us were used to the perception of our political leaders not knowing anything much about matters of defense. But, here, we had a PM, who asked a most relevant question about a complex electronic system. After the morning commissioning ceremony my chest was already bursting with pride. After hearing his question, it literally ballooned.

After the PM and VIPs and other visitors left, finally we had the ship to ourselves. The Commanding Officer brought his old mother on board and took a picture with her; there was a combined picture of the commissioning crew. By evening when we had the commissioning cocktails on board, we already had the sense of ownership.

The Prime Minister’s association with the ship didn’t end there. One year later, we took him and Smt. Sonia Gandhi for their visit to the Andaman & Nicobar islands. They also visited and interacted with the officers in the wardroom and the sailors on the quarterdeck. Ganga’s helo-deck accomplished a record number of helicopter sorties during their visit.

I still remember, the first sortie by Seaking that the PM and Smt. Sonia Gandhi took. She was at his arm all the time as a shy wife. Before going in, one of the crew gave them the Mae Wests to wear. Shri Rajiv Gandhi dutifully donned his but Smt. Sonia Gandhi declined, came closer to him and said, “He is my life-saver; I shall cling to him.”

Now, many years later, when lots of water has flown in its namesake, the holiest of the rivers, Ganga; operations and exercises that she has participated in, foreign shores that she has touched, I still remember the first time we sailed on her, when she was still not commissioned. In the afternoon, when I came down for lunch (to be had from a cardboard box), there was frantic announcements for me to come up on the bridge. When I finally ran up, panting, the CO asked me how much time it would take me to learn Greek. I told him that my brother was learning Latin and got a smattering of it in about two months. Greek, I told him would be even tougher and may take at least three months. “Ah” he told me, “You mean to say that it would take us three months time to understand the signal our Signal Yeoman has received from Rajput on the Signaling Light.”

I marveled at the fast one that he had pulled on me. But, we also knew the task at hand. We toiled and sweated in the next few months to make hers one of the finest ship’s companies in the Fleet. The ship named after India’s holiest rivers soon became one of the best in the Fleet and we felt proud to be so named on commissioning.

This was published in the Navy Foundation Magazine ‘Quarterdeck’, 2015 issue:

I have had the rare distinction, in the Indian Navy, of having been the Director of all three Maritime Warfare Centres (MWCs) and the College of Naval Warfare (CNW; now NWC or Naval War College). To the best of my knowledge, the Navy hasn’t had another officer who was given all these appointments together. If I count the time I spent in Spain for writing the operational specifications of Action Speed Tactical Trainer (Vizag), a little more than one-fourth of my time in the Navy has been spent in training others in tactics, operations and strategy.

Until the time I left the Navy in end Feb 2010, with the exception of two officers: VAdm SCS Bangara and VAdm P Chauhan, no one commanding these operational training units in the Western Naval Command (the sword arm of the Navy as we fondly call it) ever made it to their next ranks (indeed, these two officers too made to their next ranks in spite of being posted there and not because of it). However, these institutes continue to do yeoman service to the professional upbringing of officers of the executive branch.

My repeated tenures in MWCs reminded me of this classical violinist giving a solo-performance on stage. Every time he finished, someone from the audience shouted: Encore and so the violinist played the piece again. After these encores happened a number of times, the exasperated violinist shouted back, “Encore, encore, encore; just how many times you want me to re-play the piece?” At this, one man in the audience shot back, “Until you get it right”. I don’t know whether I finally got it right or not, but, after Feb 2010, I did not hear any more encores.

Why Tactical Trainers? The fact is that it is really very expensive being at sea; it is much costlier training at sea. When I was the Ship’s Commander of the aircraft carrier Viraat, a quick calculation brought home the point to me that it was costing the nation Rupees Two Crores a day to have her at sea. If we now start adding to it other costs such as for having other ships, aircraft and submarines at sea, and the cost of missiles and other ammunition, one would know the extent of how really expensive it is. And if now we add to these figures the cost of mistakes including lives that may be lost due to such mistakes, we come up with costs that are simply forbidding. Tactical Trainers are, therefore, excellent and very cost-effective alternatives to going to sea. General Patton’s “The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war” aptly sums up the rationale of the Tactical Trainers; indeed, that was the motto of one of the MWCs I commanded, written in large letters above the Large Scale Display (LSD).

In Vizag’s ASTT (Action Speed Tactical Trainer) and MWC (Mumbai), I was able to sell the idea to the Fleet Commanders and their staff to even try out their FXPs (Fleet Exercise Programmes) in the Tactical Trainer with the Ship’s command teams before proceeding to sea so that precious time at sea won’t be wasted on such signals as ‘Where are you going?’ and ‘Read Back your station’. The FXPs could then concentrate on more professional aspects.

MWCs conduct training and games at varied levels: from the operators level to the highest operational level as in Shiksha series. Games for operators are generally procedural including communication procedures.

A major tactical game between Blue and Red normally takes about two days of setting up and testing. A typical game starts with briefings by Blue and Red OsTC (Officers in Tactical Command) of their respective forces. The MWC staff would normally not interfere with the concepts and tactics being tried out. However, they would assist in verifying the soundness of plans and their conformity with existing concepts and tactics.

When the ships’ command teams with their operators occupy the cubicles allotted to them, the MWC Control Team begins the game. MWC Control Team is forever concerned about progressing the game in such a way so that not only the conops and tactics as planned are tried out but also that appropriate lessons are learnt. Hence, they would run the game at various speeds (including 16 times normal speed) and also jump to pre-defined game times. Often the actual encounter or engagement between the forces is not as significant as the actions and events leading up to it. Sometimes, a game is frozen to give the OsTC chance to re-appreciate the situation.

A common debrief is held at the end of the game. As the game is replayed for the benefit of the forces, screen shots are presented of important situations and the Control and forces can exchange views on what, where, how and why of situations. MWCs have Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) on every field and they guide and advise the Command Teams on desired improvements and lessons learnt.

MWCs are also employed for analyzing, briefings and debriefings of major exercises such as SPRINGEX, SUMMEREX and TROPEX. All the tracks of all units taking part in the exercise – ships, aircraft and submarines – are reproduced on ASTT as per the reports received from the units and all encounters and engagements are analysed. The hot wash-ups and debriefs of these exercises often comprise big-wigs from Naval and Command Headquarters. These are very challenging tasks for the MWC staff as often the time available after all narratives and tracks arrive is not more than 36 hours before a hot wash-up is held. On the morning of the debrief you stand at the podium bleary-eyed and fatigued but satisfied as a cow who has been milked for enormous quantities. The trick, during the debriefs, is not just to keep yourself awake but also to keep everybody’s attention through clever use of humour and even apt cartoons so that desired lessons learnt will sink in with alacrity. MWC staff has to also keep strict impartiality and objectivity. One has to also keep the auditorium cool since heated discussions often follow the debrief by MWC.

In one of the exercises, curiously, a major ship of Red force, insisted that they had not only detected Viraat (of the opposite Blue force) on radar but had visually sighted it (“clear lower decks was sounded and the entire ship’s company saw Viraat”) when Viraat was as many as 380 nautical miles away. Even after the tracks were shown, the ship insisted that they had seen Viraat. Then there was another time when a ship, in her narrative, single-handedly demolished the complete opposite fleet whereas our analysis showed that she came nowhere near engagement ranges.

Incidents like these are fascinating enough to conclude that there are many who like to do during debriefs what they couldn’t do at sea.

I also endeavoured to help utilize MWCs for limited war-gaming of new concepts and tactics either thought about by MWC staff or by INTEG (Indian Naval Tactical Evaluation Group). During my tenures we did considerable brainstorming and used to not only question the validity of old tactics and concepts but also come up with new ones. One of our recommended concepts was later adopted by the Fleet as viable concept and changed the way we looked at carrier formations. This made us very happy and satisfied. Another significant paper of MWC (MB) was presented in the Commander’s Conference, accepted and approved in totality and that’s how the Indian Navy started with the institution of a Doctrine and Concept organization called MDCC (Maritime Doctrine and Concept Centre) under the FODC (Flag Officer Doctrines and Concepts). We at MWC felt proud that a concept devised by us was adopted navy-wide.

Since MWCs have large auditoria to seat about 120 to 140, these were also utilized to host visiting dignitaries of India and abroad. We learnt a lot from these interactions, whether it was debriefs of Malabar series of exercises with the US Navy or even with the PLA (Navy) Chief Admiral Wu Shengli. The latter helped me in having a most successful visit of the NHCC (Naval Higher Command Course), when I was director, CNW to China (the first of its kind ever).

That brings me to my tenure in CNW (the College of Naval Warfare). I was there as a Director for nearly three years before my retirement. I had decided, on joining, to raise the level of training (of mainly operational art and strategy) by a few notches. This is despite not having even one fourth of the officers as directing staff. To give you a feel of how scarce the staff was, I am reminded of the visit of Lieutenant General Mohanty, the then Commandant of Army War College (at Mhow, MP). He said that he had heard a lot of the quality of training at CNW and wanted to visit and see for himself. As his car arrived at the portico, two of my officers (from the executive branch) stood next to me to receive him. Later, whilst having coffee with me in my office, he expressed a desire to “meet the rest of your officers”. When I told him that there was no “rest” and had seen them all at the portico, he nearly fainted out of disbelief. Between one DS (the other being a sort of XO) and me we managed the complete NHCC and never made the student officers feel they were was anything wanting. We conducted seminars, panel discussions and invited the very best to deliver talks to them including Ambassadors and even the former President Dr APJ Abdul Kalam.

During my tenure we introduced the study of the Peloponnesian War for the NHCC. I invited former Navy Chief Admiral Arun Prakash to deliver a talk to the officers on the War (of course before all talks, the officers are prepared to receive these talks appropriately through self-study, presentations between themselves and by the DSs (in this case me and one more). A few days before Admiral’s talk, I met him in Varuna Mess in New Delhi. He was re-reading books on Peloponnesian War that he had last read when he was a student at NWC, USA. He said having a smattering of the subject was one thing but facing bright students of the rank of Captain (and equivalents in the Army, IAF and CG) required in-depth study. When he delivered his talk, the extent of his preparation was evident. I saw Deputy Chiefs, Fleet Commanders and other senior officers arriving at CNW to deliver talks with assiduous preparation. I think that’s the real strength of this fine institute of highest training in the Navy; the felt need by senior hierarchy to prepare the officers for higher responsibilities.

It was extremely satisfying to get the feedback from the students after leaving CNW. I met one of them in Naval War College, Rhode Islands, USA, when I accompanied the CNS for the Sea Power Symposium there. He was undergoing the Naval Command Course there and he openly admitted that he learnt more and better at CNW than there. Another former student phoned me after completing his NDC (National Defence College) course and told me with pride that he conveyed to the Commandant of NDC that the level and quality of speakers at CNW was much higher than even at NDC.

With the resources (including officer manpower) that we had, it was a tough going both in MWCs and CNW. However, the best reward that you ever get is accolades like these from those that you helped train. These are enough to last a lifetime considering that – as the saying goes – men give their lives in battle for merely two inches of ribbon.

“Chicken! Chicken🐔!”

At the height of one-upmanship between the Americans and the Soviets, they would send uninvited observers for each other’s naval exercises. These would be in the form of ships, submarines or aircraft. The submarines were the most dangerous. They would surface in the midst of a rival ships formation, making the formation to suddenly alter course to avoid collision. Observing this, the submarine would signal: “Chicken! Chicken!” on its signalling projector.

This Chicken game was one game about which you could read hundreds of such news items as: Russian and American Pilots Play ‘Chicken’, as in The New York Times of 22 Nov 1970. The interesting thing is that it is still going on (Read: ‘Russia Is Playing a Dangerous Game of Chicken With U.S. Forces In the Baltic’ reported in the Maxim on 14 Apr 2016).

Sometimes, serious accidents took place because of such disdain for each other. We, in the Indian Navy too, since Navy operates in international waters, have faced such close to dangerous buzzing by both Soviet and Americal planes. In the 1980s, when the Indian Navy shifted tack from acquiring old British ships to having new Kashin-II class destroyers that were built by the Soviets for us, the kind of snooping to know about the platforms became intense. One of the British ships visited Mumbai during those days and was docked at the commercial docks (Ballard Pier) close to our own Naval jetties. Divers from their ship attempted to espy on the underwater fittings (Sonar domes etc) of the Kashin-II class destroyer (we called them simply Rajput class, named after the first of those ships: INS Rajput).

Marking and Counter-marking are the words used nautically for what an observer/intrider does and what a ship designated by the rival force does to keep the Marker under close surveillance. These terms, as you would have guessed, have been taken from Football (eg, man to man).

I was on INS Ganga when we were sent to observe Pakistan Navy’s annual Sea Spark exercise. PN had six refurbished Gearing Class destroyers at that time named, Shahjahan, Tariq, Taimur, Tughril, Alamgir and Tippu Sultan. It was nice to see all six operational during the exercise.

Tughril was directed to be a counter-marker to us and it was literally on our tail throughout, sometimes dangerously close. It interfered with our navigation on numerous occasions. At one point it was very close to us and it was one of the five times in the day (as Sunnis do) for Namaz. We could see the entire ship’s company, wherever they were, on their haunches for Namaz and we were wondering who was running the ship so close to us.

After the first phase of Sea Spark got over, we traversed South to fuel from the tanker INS Shakti commanded by Captain Frank Richard Clarke. During abeam fueling, the ships are connected by a fueling hose and hence only about 100 to 160 feet apart. It requires skillful navigation by both ships to maintain precise stations so close. A fueling run lasts for more than an hour and in case of an aircraft carrier, it would be hours before ships disengage. Here is a much later day picture of a US Ship and Japanese Ship alongside INS Shakti for replenishment:

 

As we on Ganga, took so station on Starboard (right) side of Shakti, we suddenly noticed Tughril having taken up station at equal distance on port side of Shakti.

Tughril signalled to Shakti: Can I have some fuel too?
Captain Clarke signalled back to him, tongue in cheek: Yes, but you will have to pay in US Dollars.
Promptly Tughril signalled: I thought Indian Navy accepted Roubles only.

In that brief exchange, the realities of those times were succinctly conveyed.

And now, 32 years later, they are Trumped by the US!