Ever since 1989 when Pfizer accidentally discovered that Sidenafil that was being tried for angina, could also be used to treat erectile dysfunction, it caught the imagination of men around the world. However, even after Pfizer started selling it under the brand name Viagra and it became popular, no one would have thought that Indians would find another (unthinkable) use for it. The Indian state of Andhra may be a poor state, particularly in villages. However, these villages spend crores of rupees betting on cocks. You heard it right, cocks. And the breeders of these cocks found innovative use for Viagra (The Times of India, Mumbai edition, 07 Jan 24).
Cockfights are the most exciting part of Sankranti celebrations in Andhra. However, lately, breeders discovered that cocks are not as energetic as would fetch hefty bets. So, they reasoned that if Viagra could make its recipients have their cocks standing to perform their assigned and desired duties, surely the same Viagra could make Andhra cocks fight with the same vigour as, say, Indian parliamentarians. And, they succeeded.
One of the earliest discovered side-effects of Viagra was headaches. This wasn’t such bad news. The males were excited not just to show their spouses the Leaning Tower without going to Pisa, if only for a couple of hours, but also to get over their (the women’s, that is) perennial excuse of headaches to avoid onslaught. After Viagra and its side-effect, they could confidently say that desires and headaches could stand hand in hand.
And now, with fighting cocks, Viagra can even get its recipients bravery medals; Param Vir Chakra, for example, for going down fighting till the last breath or peck.
I am wondering if Andhra is the only innovative state in the country. Why can’t we find other uses of Viagra across the country?
If, for example, we can find a way for these tablets or capsules to work on recently erected bridges and flyovers, these can be left standing longer than some of these presently do. Just like in cock-fighting, crores of rupees of public money can be saved even after the contractors elope.
Indeed, this innovation can be applied to all public erections: buildings, towers, pillars etc.
These pills can be given to all contesting candidates in our elections so that they can keep standing even after the vote count begins. Indeed, since Viagra is also used by sportsmen around the world for performance enhancement, perhaps we can try it upon our governments rather than merely hoping that somehow their performance would improve simply because they were voted to power or to rule.
Lately, we are looking for names, mottoes and phrases better suited for our culture and heritage. Perhaps we can find a Hindi name (better still, Sanskrit) for it and do a lot of (government funded) research and finally establish that centuries before Pfizer, Vatsayana had indeed discovered a potion (called Kama Booti) that was used by Indian males to show off their proud minars to the female of the species much before one Qutb-ud-Din-Aibak erected his own in the year 1199 on the outskirts of Delhi. Qutb’s erection used “the carved columns and architectural members of 27 Jain and Hindu temples, which were demolished by Qutub-ud-Din Aibak as recorded in his inscription on the main eastern entrance.” But, we can proudly proclaim that the purely Indian erections never destroy anything. Our burgeoning population is a proof of this.
Incidentally, look at some of the names of fighting cocks in Andhra: there are around 20 varieties of fighting roosters, including kaaki dega, dega, benaki, kaaki nemali, setu and pacha. Names are important; we definitely need to adapt the Sanskritization of Viagra.
And don’t forget that in order to get over Pfizer’s patent, we sold Viagra under the trade names including Kamagra (Ajanta Pharma), Silagra (Cipla), Edegra (Sun Pharmaceutical), Penegra (Zydus Cadila), Manly (Cooper Pharma) and Zenegra (Alkem Laboratories).
I recall when I was small, whilst going to school and back, we used to come across vendors selling on road sides Shilajeet type of drugs and powders to enhance male performance: “Patthar pe marega tann ki awaaz aayega (you would be able to hit it on a stone and get the same sound as that of a gong).”
We can inject some of the wonder drug into the spines of some of our public figures so that they keep erect and don’t collapse at the first sign of discussing national issues of corruption, state funding of elections and police reforms. Anna Hazare, for example, didn’t have to go into hibernation after arousing the national conscience.
The pills should be definitely administered to some of the audiences in our cinemas who themselves and make their small ones too not to stand for the national anthem.
As an aside, if only we had thought of administering the wonder drug to the Indian batsmen in the first innings of the Second Cricket Test Match between South Africa and India at Newlands in Cape Town, perhaps we could have avoided the ignominy of losing the last six wickets in 11 balls without scoring a single run. We could have had the batsmen standing proud and erect and not allowed balls to do what proud and erect can do.
And, if the world would ask us about being sure about Kama Booti, we could take cue from Peter Sellers 1968 movie The Party. As Hrundi V. Bakshi in the movie when he was asked if he thought he was right, he responded, “In India we don’t think, we are sure.”
And now we can be, well, cocksure about it.
