SKID TALK THAT YOU OFTEN COME ACROSS

What is a skid-talk? It is similar to crazy-talk except that probably you don’t mean it to come out the way it does. It inadvertently comes out that way. However, after you’ve said it, either you or others around you realise how crazy or obvious or inane it sounds. Sample this: “They live at the beach; the water comes right up to the shore.” Also, “Two can live as cheaply as one except they have to pay twice as much.”Most of us have come across, in our childhood, our moms telling us not to climb trees. The conversation goes something like this:

Mom: You ain’t going to climb that tree. I forbid you to do so.
Child: Come on  mom; everyone else is climbing.
Mom (shouting now): No; you are not climbing.
Child: Mom, please….(and he starts climbing)
Mom (Resignedly): Alright you do that. But when you break your legs don’t come running to me.

The other day I read this in Mumbai Mirror: Police discovered a body hacked in twenty pieces. They are investigating if this is a case of suicide.

Here is something that I heard, “My uncle had a fatal accident. He was in a bad shape when we visited him in the hospital.”

Then there was this Subedar Major who addressed his men, “Now I require some of you guys to volunteer for the task. Both of you three follow me up to CO’s office.”

What about this PR man telling us, “Tickets are available for everyone on first cum first served basis”?

In skid-talk, I think, the best that I have heard is: “All generalisations are always incorrect.”

Don’t see anything wrong in that? Well, I leave it to you to figure out.

Here is one that I heard, “As he got out of the house, he locked the door from inside and outside. You have to be careful these days.”

Here is another one that I heard, “Those of you who are still here after I am gone can hear me sing and I promise you a great song.”

I was really floored by this, “Because of the clouds the sun has been coming out at odd hours these last few days. However, rarely one can see it coming out at night.”

Alright, what about this one, “I couldn’t imagine him stooping so low as to take out money from my top most drawer above the dressing table.”

Or, “It is incredible that you can’t believe this incident happened with me when I was walking alone with two of my friends.”

Here is another one, “The three of them were waylaid by the dacoits. One died on the spot; the other two ran to the hell out of the forest.”

If you know any skid talk that you have heard why don’t you share it in the comments below?